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Getting Braids Again Is Easily The Best Hair Decision I’ve Made In 2017

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A couple of months ago I wrote about the opinion that there’s a certain age when braids become a no-no for grown women. Well, I decided three days before turning 32 that it was the perfect time for me to re-rock the hairstyle I always wanted to wear as a child but couldn’t because my mother didn’t have cornrowing hands. I was also on my way to South Africa for 12 days and I couldn’t be bothered to pack hair products on top of all of the “just in case” outfits I was already struggling to fit in my luggage. And I knew when that 6 am wakeup call came in before one of our early morning safari game drives I was not going to want to lose another minute — or 5 –wrestling with my edges and Eco Styler gel. On the flip side, however, I didn’t want to wrestle with a lack of edges when I returned from the motherland and had to go back to wearing my own hair.

That fear is why I haven’t worn braids since 2014. Other than one of y’all telling me my jumbo Havana twists made me look like predator (rude!) what really stopped me from wearing twists and braids during the past three years is the fact that I once gave one overzealous braider free reign over my head and my little 3c edges just couldn’t withstand the weight of the extension and the tightness of its attachment. The braid fell out and took my baby hair with it – in my hotel room right before dinner during EssenceFest in New Orleans – and I was done with what I now considered a “so-called protective style.”

And then I saw this hairstyle created by YouTuber Kersti Pitre that I couldn’t get out of my head, even as I sat in a chair getting the blowout of my life before being told I’m going to have to chop off a good chunk of my hair (again). I thought, maybe now’s a good time to get on the protective style train. In fact, maybe I need to take it across country since I don’t seem to be able to take care of my own hair for an extended amount of time without having to lose some of it. So, despite the sarcastic comments from those who teased me about the cliché move of getting braids before boarding a flight to Africa, I decided to go for it.

Since I already had the style in mind, all I had to do was get the hair. I chose X-Pression Braid Hair in the color 1 which automatically comes in 82″ length. If you’re more adventurous than me, you’ll be happy to know aside from the traditional shades of black, brown, and blonde, this braid hair also comes in blue, pink, purple, red, violet, and yellow (it’s summer, live a little!).

Hair in hand, I headed to 125th street which is notorious for African braiders who ask “Hair braid miss?” even when you walk by with a perfectly laid ‘do. And about four hours later, my style was complete and I was listening to two braiders tell the other women they want their hair like mine next time. I also noticed my head and neck didn’t feel heavy like they did in the past when I would get braids, which is a testament to the lightness of this synthetic hair. And I walked out of the shop with 4.5 of the 7 packs of hair that I came in with which was good news to me, especially since the hair can also be used for crochet styles which typically take even less time than braids.

As you can imagine, life over the next two weeks was pretty easy — wake up, decide, if I want to wear all my hair up in a bun, half way up, or all the way down, and go. I also found I wasn’t so paranoid about my edges because my hair was braided to my head in the front and enough hair had been added to the two braids on each side to keep from putting too much tension on my own hair. To add shine and keep my own strands from drying out, I sprayed Maui Moisture Nourish & Moisture + Coconut Milk Weightless Oil Mist on my braids and scalp each morning.

Unfortunately, just as I’d forgotten how convenient braids can be, I forgot that they do require just a bit of maintenance. Without a silk scarf abroad, after two weeks I decided the frizz that was creeping up was a sign it was time to take my braids out. But soon as I did I already missed the convenience of not having to do my hair in the morning and of always looking ready to go — without really doing anything. I’ve also become more aware of just how much I manipulate my hair, especially the ends, on a daily basis which is probably why I keep having split end and breakage issues. My hair needs a break. Good thing I have those other packs of hair left, I’m ready to ride the protective braid train throughout summer.

The post Getting Braids Again Is Easily The Best Hair Decision I’ve Made In 2017 appeared first on MadameNoire.


Advice From Movie Characters That Just Might Help You Get Through The Rest Of The Week

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If America has anything going for it these days, it's the entertainment industry. Lord knows our political leaders aren't going to save us. But back to my point, in this country our movies, television shows etc are used not only to distract us from the harsh realities of life but also to make us think, grow and, at their best, inspire us to do and be better. And today's trending topic #AdviceFromMovieCharacters, speaks to that. Check out some of these quotes on the following pages.

The post Advice From Movie Characters That Just Might Help You Get Through The Rest Of The Week appeared first on MadameNoire.

Olympian Sanya Richards-Ross Is Six Months Pregnant — And Maintaining A Consistent Workout Routine

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Sprinter Sanya Richards-Ross is six months pregnant, expecting her first child with husband, former NFL star Aaron Ross. And while most would take it easy during their first pregnancy, the 32-year-old is an athlete. Richards-Ross has been preparing for childbirth in the same way she prepares for a race — training.

Sanya Richards-Ross

“The trick to [working out while pregnant] is to make time for it,” Richards-Ross told PEOPLE. “The first trimester is the toughest and I struggled with feeling overly fatigued and sleeping all the time, but now that I am well on my way, I’ve found my groove and getting my workouts in has been fun again.”

And the fact that her husband, whom she calls her “accountability partner,” works out with her helps a lot.

Richards-Ross tries to avoid moves that require too much of her abdominal muscles and that are high impact. Instead, she’s been opting for long walks on the treadmill, exercise bikes and elliptical machines. As for strength training, Richards-Ross said, “I do still weight train, but avoid anything that puts too much strain on my core.” She continued, “I squat, lunge, light bench press, shoulder press, standing hamstring curls on the machine, bicep curls and lateral pull downs.”

Richards-Ross is hoping that by going hard and light at the same time with her fitness routine, she’ll be able to combat going overboard with the inevitable pregnancy weight gain and have a smooth delivery.

“It gives me energy and is the perfect balance to the additional eating and cravings,” Richards-Ross said. “Although I’m not training nearly as hard, I feel that my body is very responsive to the workouts I do.”

Richards-Ross is due to deliver in August. “I also hope that it will make my delivery as easy as my pregnancy has been!”

 

Image via WENN 

The post Olympian Sanya Richards-Ross Is Six Months Pregnant — And Maintaining A Consistent Workout Routine appeared first on MadameNoire.

Yayha Abdul-Mateen On Going From A City Planning Job To The Get Down And Baywatch

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Just two years ago, 30-year-old actor Yahya Abdul-Mateen II was at the Yale School of Drama trying to take what started out as an “interest” to the next level. Mateen had previously been working in city planning and acting wasn’t necessarily the obvious next move for the Oakland native who, based on a recommendation from a friend, decided to take a class.

Yahya Abdul Mateen

Who could have imagined that soon after taking that leap of faith, Mateen would end up working with director Baz Luhrmann, playing Cadillac in The Get Down, traveling to Australia to star as a DC Comic villain Black Manta in Aquaman and starring alongside Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the new Baywatch remake? Mateen has certainly defied the odds, but as he would put it, he’s just having fun and “riding the wave.”

We talked to the handsome actor about his role as Sergeant Ellerby in Baywatch (hitting theaters today, May 25), watching Power Rangers instead of the show his new film spawned from and how he went from government work to Hollywood.

MadameNoire: You’ve come a long way. You were initially doing city planning and had a degree in architecture. So what compelled you to get into acting?

Yayha Abdul-Mateen II: When I was in college, it was on the recommendation of a friend of mine. He recommended that I take an acting class, and so, I kind of did. I was very open to feedback and open to suggestions. I had a little bit of space in my schedule, and I guess as the story goes, I went into an acting class and I kind of got the bug for it.

And so, I figured that it was something I had an interest in doing, but after graduation I got a job. I was working and while I was working I remember thinking about acting. I would be doing my job in the daytime and then going home and thinking about acting at night. So I just knew that if I ever got the opportunity to do it, I would pursue it because it was fun. I had a really good time while taking the class. Then I got laid off and it was the perfect opportunity to have some fun. My brother said I could pass on paying rent for a couple of months and he gave me that gift. During that time I went out and booked my first play and I guess the rest is just from there. So it was really just chasing fun.

You seem like someone who has a lot of confidence and personality. For people who go from one very serious type of work into acting, which is hard to break into, were you nervous about making that leap? 

I gave myself a plan. I think I got a lot of security out of making a plan. That plan was that I would try acting for three years and that if I didn’t make significant progress, or what I considered significant progress by the end of three years, I would go back to architecture or planning. I think I found comfort in knowing I gave myself an out. But what I was actually doing was just giving myself permission to just go and have fun and chase something pleasurable. And once I found myself doing that, I was really just chasing the excitement, chasing this thing that really challenged my mind and it was really invigorating. It turned out to be something that was a perfect fit. The whole time I was on this ride and it was a fast ride and I was having fun, and then I got into school and I remember one of the first days of school I was faced with what the dean called “impostor syndrome.” He talked about how you have a whole lot of talented people, and when you gather them in one place, it’s very common for people to think that they don’t belong. So I went from not acting at all, not considering myself an actor, to suddenly being one of 16 in the top drama school in the country. And it was very easy to be nervous and to believe that I didn’t belong after initial success. And that’s something that still happens. Even now, I’m working on my sixth movie right now and I graduated just two years ago. It comes with nerves and things like that, but more often these days it’s about excitement than questions about my preparedness.

Did you watch Baywatch growing up, and if so, were you nervous to take part in remaking it?

I did not sit down and watch Baywatch growing up. But I do specifically remember it coming on and I remember it going off. I watched something that came on right before and then going back to that channel to watch what was coming on afterwards. I remember changing it to go watch Power Rangers or something like that and then making it in time for the slow motion, but I did not watch it growing up. But once I saw the script, the script was so silly. I’ll do drama, I’ll do romantic comedies and dramas, but I’ll do comedies in a heartbeat. This was one of the funniest scripts I picked up in regards to audition material. So when I got the invitation to join the team, I was just over the moon about that. It was such a fun team with silly, silly people.

Of Cadillac and Sergeant Ellerby, who do you find yourself most similar to?

I would definitely say… [laughs]. I would like for the answer to be Cadillac, but for some reason I think that I must carry around some of Ellerby’s tensions and things like that. He was an easier character to tap into than Cadillac was. I don’t recognize myself in Cadillac when I’m watching, but I do see myself when I’m looking at Ellerby, so it must be Ellerby. I’m not as cool as I’d like to think I am [laughs].

You can dance as well as Cadillac though right?

I like to dance, and I guess if I did it as Cadillac, that means that I can do it outside of character. But I tend to be really shy. But if the music is right and I got a couple of drinks in me, then I think I can cut a rug.

Do people see you and call you Cadillac or say, “I think I know you”? 

In the [United] States, with my hair and with my beard, people notice me. But I forget that I’m an actor and I do this thing until I go to the cash register and I check out and someone looks up at me and says, “Oh my God!” And then I remember, “Oh yeah, I do this thing where people watch me do things on Netflix — on their laptops and on their televisions.” So they remind me. But since I cut my hair and cut my beard, no one knows who I am. And I think that’s pretty funny. I’m working on Aquaman right now and someone just yesterday asked if I’d done any other movies or things. I started rattling off a couple of projects and I said The Get Down and they were like, “Who did you play in The Get Down? I can’t tell.” So she started naming off a bunch of characters who weren’t me. I think she thought I had a small part. So I said, “No, I play Cadillac.” She said “Who?” I said “You must not have watched The Get Down.” She said “No, I watched the whole thing.” I said, “I played Cadillac.” She just couldn’t allow herself to believe that I was the same person. So I say all that to say people don’t recognize me, and I have complete anonymity without my beard and hair. So I’m excited to introduce this face to the screen, which is a lot different from Ellerby too because he has my beard and hair.

To see where you’ve come from, as you said, in just two years, and now you’re in the DC Universe with Aquaman and doing Baywatch, this has to be crazy for you. 

Everything is moving really fast. I’ve been saying for over a year now that I haven’t had time to realize it all because I’ve been working. So now is about celebrating a bit more because I tend to keep my head down and work and work. That’s how I get jobs. But now it’s really about staying in the moment. Because not to use a pun about waves when talking about Baywatch, but this is a career that comes in waves. So, I’m just riding the wave and seeing how far it takes me.

Images via WENN 

The post Yayha Abdul-Mateen On Going From A City Planning Job To The Get Down And Baywatch appeared first on MadameNoire.

From The School Of Phaedra: Some Men Really Do Encourage Women Without Seeking Benefits

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Phaedra Parks

BRAVO Reality TV star and lawyer Ms. Phaedra Parks has been catching a lot of heat lately for her behavior on Real Housewives of Atlanta this season. Her castmates think she’s an utter liar, but there is some truth to one comment she made that resonated with me on Part 2 of the reality show’s reunion.

When asked if there was a “Mr. Chocolate” she was dating, crafty and classy Phaedra replied, “There was a man who was encouraging me.” Kenya and Kandi were totally bothered by the response, rolling their eyes and sighing heavy. But in defense of Ms. Parks, I do believe that it is possible to have conversations with men who want to do nothing more than encourage you and see you win in life.

I’m a likable person which is why I have a large circle of friends –male and female — not friends with benefits, not friends trying to get benefits, genuine friends who enjoy my conversation and I their’s. I once dated a guy who wanted to sabotage every platonic friendship I had ever established with a male. He thought it was far-fetched for a man to only enjoy talking to a woman. Somehow, he thought he had authority to regulate my interaction with male friends that I knew before he even came into the picture. Needless to say, I broke up with him.

Why? For one, I know my conversations with these men were never inappropriate. These male friends were not ex-boyfriends; they were literally friends whom I had known for more than a decade. I have never seen these folks naked and they have no idea where my birthmark is either.

Two, they knew I had a boyfriend and all pertinent details like his name, his occupation, etc. Of course, that doesn’t stop some men from pursuing, but my point here is I made sure they were aware of my partner, I didn’t feign singleness. Friends tell friends when they’re in relationships.

Third, these male friends were not AWOL army buddies who would call me all hours of the night. My male besties are three great, respectful guys. There was no need for my now-ex to play Sherlock Holmes and monitor my interaction with them.

That being said, trust is an important factor in friendships and relationships.But if a woman has a male friend who encourages her and reminds her that she is an awesome woman who deserves the best, then that’s a good thing. If Phaedra’s guy pal was encouraging her to keep her head up during the turmoil with Apollo, then what’s wrong with that? The problem is more so with the people judging these friendships and assuming something more has to be going on. Usually, men and women who don’t believe in platonic friendships with the opposite sex are people who can’t keep their clothes on around the opposite sex.

The post From The School Of Phaedra: Some Men Really Do Encourage Women Without Seeking Benefits appeared first on MadameNoire.

“I Can’t Have A Child For Another Person:” Jeannie Mai And Husband Still At Odds Over Having Kids

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Three years ago, The Real talk show host Jeannie Mai made a very personal revelation on air about an issue in her marriage many can relate to: her husband suddenly wants kids and she never saw herself as a mother.

At the time, she shared:

“My husband and I have been married for seven years and when we got married at first, we didn’t want kids. Seven years later now, I see it in him. I see when children are around, I can feel it inside me of what people say that it just hits you. I don’t feel it but I see it in him. It really does suck…I”m praying about this because it’s a hard one.”

The couple had begun counseling to work through the issue, but it seems the pair is still at a standstill today. On Tuesday’s episode of the FOX talk show, Jeannie shed tears over the dilemma that she admits could potentially end her marriage.

The topic actually came up again in a very roundabout way. The ladies were discussing a Reddit thread on the idea that if you could know the answer to just one yes or no question in life what would it be. Loni Love said she wants to know whether Tamera is going to have another child, which is when the co-host shared that she’s actually been considering adoption. The topic of children seemed to have struck a nerve with Jeannie because when she was asked what her question would be, she said this:

“You know how much I love Freddy, my husband, he’s my life. Before we got married, I was very clear about the fact that I probably would not have kids, just because I never felt that. And now, getting older, he definitely seems like he wants kids and he actually came out and said he wants children.

It’s just really hard because I can’t have a child for another person and you don’t have a child to save your marriage, but we are in love and we are enjoying life and he’s my Freddy and I’m his Jeannie and we don’t have any other problems except that.

Right now we are clinging to each other and we’re waiting for God to kind of tell us what that means, and it’s kind of weird to go to sleep every single night holding on to that person you love so much, not knowing where it’s going to go.”

I can’t imagine being in Jeannie’s shoes, especially now that she and her husband have been married for 10 years and this issue has been hanging over their heads for the past three. Have you ever been in this situation? How’d you work through it?

Photo: Mike Yarish /Warner Bros. Television

The post “I Can’t Have A Child For Another Person:” Jeannie Mai And Husband Still At Odds Over Having Kids appeared first on MadameNoire.

Better Ways To Spend Time Than On Your Beauty Routine

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[caption id="attachment_831666" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Young Business Woman Think Looking To Empty Copy Space African American Girl Happy Smile Businesswoman Isolated Over Gray Background[/caption] Spending several hours—or even just one hour—a day on your beauty routine can be a viscous cycle. For some people, making sure their appearance is absolutely perfect before they walk out the door is a compulsion. They’re certain the world can see it if they didn’t pluck that one eyebrow. But the world can’t see it. And you’re just imprisoning yourself to the habit of spending a lot time on your looks each day. Why? Because it takes time away from other activities that could make you happy. Then, when you realize you didn’t get to finish this or see that person, you think, “That’s okay. At least I can perfect my hair!” See how that’s a vicious cycle? If you need to control your looks it could be because you don’t feel in control of other areas of your life. Here are much better ways to spend your time than on your beauty routine. [caption id="attachment_713137" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Eating slower

Doing anything slower, really, is beneficial. If you feel like days are rushing by, it’s probably because you rush everything. You don’t take the time to enjoy moments. Chew slowly so you can appreciate your food, drink your wine slowly so you can detect the notes, and move through the world a little more slowly so you can notice the endearing details in it.         [caption id="attachment_714451" align="alignleft" width="420"]You're Likely To Be Exoticized Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Emailing important contacts

You probably have a long mental list of people you should reach out to about an opportunity, or simply keep in touch with. You could easily spend 20 minutes each morning crafting thoughtful, purposeful emails to these people to keep those connections going.           [caption id="attachment_215482" align="alignleft" width="500"]black female officer manager pf Shutterstock[/caption]

Finally filing stuff

Those piles of bills, tax forms, wedding invitations, contracts, Roth IRA documents…if you took a half hour each morning filing those, that project could probably take you two weeks. Easily.       [caption id="attachment_625898" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Planning out your day

If you take 15 minutes to sit down, look at your calendar, and plan out your day so you know exactly when to leave each place in order to avoid traffic, find a good parking spot etc. you could probably save yourself an hour that day.     [caption id="attachment_710417" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Educating yourself

Haven’t you meant to read that book about the economy? Or watch that show about world news? Or look at that blog about how nutrition is changing in the foods we find at the super markets? Won’t that information enrich your life more than perfectly straightened hair?           [caption id="attachment_696349" align="alignleft" width="378"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Small DIY projects

Like sewing that button back on those pants, finally printing those vacation photos and putting them in an album, or once and for all hanging up the gorgeous paintings your friend made you for your birthday.             [caption id="attachment_821183" align="alignleft" width="682"] Home office red Metal Mailbox in garden[/caption]

Reading your mail

You know you have a large stack of mail you’ve been avoiding reading. There could be overdue medical bills in there that are about to be sent to collection agencies (not good for your credit!) Or even a simply, sweet family newsletter from your aunt, that she’d probably like to know you received. [caption id="attachment_704323" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Tidying up

You could finally take that bundle of necklaces and hang each one up on your necklace tree. You could take the random books and journals around your home and put them on your bookshelf. You could dust that ceiling fan that, to be honest, you’ve never dusted.           [caption id="attachment_622034" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Preparing food

You usually come home tired, and ready to eat whatever can be microwaved. Give yourself some health points and take time out of your beauty routine to pre-cut vegetables, marinade a chicken breast, and boil up a big batch of brown rice.       [caption id="attachment_609486" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Bringing food to a homeless person

If you took a half hour out of your beauty routine, you could likely make a few sandwiches, drive around your town, and find some people who really need them.       [caption id="attachment_714110" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Helping a neighbor

Does your elderly neighbor need help walking her dog? Does the single mom who lives downstairs desperately need somebody to watch her kids so she can get a manicure for once that decade?             [caption id="attachment_714177" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Dancing

Dancing reduces stress levels and is good for your brain! Take twenty minutes to turn on your favorite tunes and dance in your living room. You can close the curtains if that helps.             [caption id="attachment_717241" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image: Shutterstock[/caption]

Calling that family member

You probably have a few family members that you wish you called once a week, but you actually call once a month. Connecting and bonding with them over the phone will make you feel much better than perfecting your contouring.           [caption id="attachment_715046" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Leaving earlier

Giving yourself extra time to get places, in case there is traffic or parking spots are few and far between, can reduce a lot of stress. And it can make you look like a more prompt, responsible individual.             [caption id="attachment_717296" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Meditating

If you dedicate yourself to meditating just 20 minutes each morning, you won’t even remember why you cared so much about your appearance.             [caption id="attachment_707693" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Exercising

Exercising every day will give you a self-esteem boost that no perfect outfit or styled hair possibly can. It will also give you a natural glow, and add years to your life. So put away the curling iron and go for a power walk.           [caption id="attachment_701208" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Snuggling with somebody

Snuggling with a loved one—and this could be your dog!—will make you feel calmer, happier and enhance your overall sense of wellbeing. You probably already wish you had more time to snuggle with your significant other, your child, or your pet. You do have that time—take it out of your beauty routine.           [caption id="attachment_617341" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Having sex

Sex is probably another thing you don’t make enough time for. How often are you and your honey too tired, too busy, or just not on the same schedule? If he’s just sitting around, eating cereal, when you’re doing your makeup, I think you just found your time. Sex will give you a glow that no bronzer could.           [caption id="attachment_698982" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Backing up your devices

Your phone, laptop and tablet need to be backed up every couple of weeks. Why? Because you add precious photos and important documents to them nearly every day.             [caption id="attachment_611718" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Doing nothing at all

Let’s not forget the importance of doing nothing at all. We rarely unplug from the world these days—literally or figuratively. But taking the time to just sit in your room, or go for a walk, without any stimuli, is critical. You could get some of your best ideas this way.

The post Better Ways To Spend Time Than On Your Beauty Routine appeared first on MadameNoire.

Underboob Ink: 11 Women Who (Kinda, Sort Of) Make Us Want To Get A Sternum Tattoo

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Rihanna underboob tattoo Ok, so you're probably not thinking about getting a new tattoo, and if you were, the chances of you wanting one on your sternum probably aren't that high. But in case you were seeking some new tat inspiration, underboob tattoos have gained quite a bit of popularity since Rihanna debuted her ink in 2012. Since then, plenty of women from all walks of life have been inked up with tiny sternum art, as well as huge pieces, from chandeliers to flowers and more. You have to admit, they are a pretty cool look, especially if you're a fan of low-cut and crop tops. Check out everyday women who decided to get unique sternum art, and if you want to experiment with some without going the permanent route, a temporary henna underboob tattoo could be just as cute for summer. https://www.instagram.com/p/BUVAHe8AtRB/?tagged=underboobtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUXfxgYBZdH/?tagged=underboobtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUCHWRhgvR2/?tagged=sternumtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUR5y_8j5YS/?tagged=underboobtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUUy1eMF3fh/?tagged=underboobtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUSF186gO55/?tagged=sternumtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUPo2WVA4i4/?tagged=sternumtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUMzuCWB-jG/?tagged=sternumtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUCltyGBAbY/?tagged=sternumtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BULK2aTF-WX/?tagged=sternumtattoo&hl=en https://www.instagram.com/p/BUKZb1UjKAK/?tagged=sternumtattoo&hl=en Images via WENN and Instagram 

The post Underboob Ink: 11 Women Who (Kinda, Sort Of) Make Us Want To Get A Sternum Tattoo appeared first on MadameNoire.


She Asked Him For An iPhone — Is She A Gold Digger Or Getting What She Deserves?

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It was a heated discussion that had me shook.

My godfather, a man in his late 40s with a six-figure salary, recently kicked his mid-30s girlfriend to the curb and yelled “good riddance” when she asked him for an iPhone. If you ask me, I thought my godfather was justified in dumping her – who the hell did she think she was asking him for something that cost an arm and a leg?

“Tell her to get her own damn iPhone!” I said while giving my godfather a high five.

My father, on the other hand, didn’t jump on our bandwagon. He said, “You are one cheap fool! What’s an iPhone to you? You can afford it!”

And that night, I fought tooth and nail to defend my godfather. For the record, my godfather is cheap. He won’t give you a damn thing for your birthday but would scowl if you arrived empty-handed for any of his gatherings. He’d whip out some Tupperware to pack up all your food at parties, but wouldn’t spare a dime to get you take-out if you were hungry.

Yes, he’s cheap AF. But that doesn’t mean he should allow some gold digging heifer to take advantage of him, right? I’m #teamgodfather.

The next day, I was having dinner with my sorority sisters. It was eight of us having a little get together at a Black-owned restaurant called Chocolat in Harlem. I couldn’t help but bring up iPhonegate and all hell broke loose.

No one agreed with me.

I didn’t care, though. In my eyes, I was right and they were wrong – you shouldn’t be asking anyone for an iPhone. If you want it, you buy it yourself. Period. (If you’ve read my previous piece, you can see I don’t take kindly to people asking for expensive things!)

But then, suddenly, someone knocked me off my “I’m right” pedestal. My most vehement opponent, let’s call her Amy, had me speechless:

“How come when men demand sex, no one bats an eye? No one insults them, no one calls them names, no one drags their name through the mud. But when women ask for resources, we’re gold diggers and prostitutes?”

“Yes, but-”

“Let me finish,” Amy said. “We both have very specific needs, don’t we? Down to biology, males want to spread their seed and females want resources. So how the f*** is it fair that when we ask for our needs, it’s a big problem and we’re called every bad name in the book, but when they ask for sex, I don’t hear anybody calling them derogatory names?”

Hmm. That got me thinking real long and hard about my stance on the matter. I knew what she meant. Giving it up for free is somewhat – though not by much – more accepted than laying down on your back in exchange for “stuff” because the latter makes you a “prostitute” and therefore discourages women from requesting something of value in return.

“When I do decide to sleep with a guy, in society’s eyes, my value goes down. My ‘mileage’ goes down, I’m a ‘thot,’ I’m ‘used goods,’ whatever, right? So yes, I should absolutely be compensated for that loss with what women need – resources! So why the hell can’t she ask for a damn iPhone for all the work she’s been putting forth in meeting his needs sexually?”

Well sh**. I ain’t thought of it like that.

 “Men want sex and women want resources. What’s wrong with having a fair exchange?” she added.

Wow. I had to admit that she made some valid points. Whether we like it or not, from the lens of our effed up society, Amy is right about sex “depreciating” a woman’s so-called “stock” – you’ll see sexually liberated women constantly having to defend their worth as we spit on their quest for respect.

So as a woman gives and gives to a man, is it so wrong to ask for something in return?

Now I’m still not going to go around asking men for iPhones – it goes against my principles of never being materially dependent on anyone, especially a guy. In my eyes, relying on someone to provide for you creates an ugly dynamic in which the woman is “indebted” to the man (but that’s another essay for another day).

But I do see a new perspective for why the woman may have asked my godfather for an iPhone – maybe she felt the “give and take” in the relationship was unbalanced whereby she was giving so much of herself sexually, but he was offering nothing materially.

Or maybe she’s just a gold digging heifer.

What do you guys think?

Kimberly Gedeon, founder of The Melody of Melanin, is a content creator with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online about everything from beauty and business to politics and pop culture. You say hello to her on Instagram or Twitter – she doesn’t bite!

The post She Asked Him For An iPhone — Is She A Gold Digger Or Getting What She Deserves? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Girl, Bye: 11 Quotes To Remember When You’re Dealing With Bad Friends

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So you've reached a crossroad with one of your long-time friends (or a few of them) and you don't know what to do. We've all been there. You feel like you should work on things because of all of the time you both have spent together. However, time shouldn't be the only thing that keeps you connected to a person you call friend. If you're wondering where to go and what to do with them now, sometimes you just need a few words of encouragement, or in this case, some reality checks, while you figure out whether or not you want to keep fighting for something that feels more like work than friendship. Here are 11 quotes that can help you gain some clarity (and the backbone to finally put your feelings first). "Stop breaking your own heart by exaggerating your place in other people's lives." - unknown "Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company." - Booker T. Washington You're Pretty...For A Dark Girl "Give yourself permission to cut negative people from your life, and surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you." - James Altucher "I have insecurities, of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me." - Adele husband's ex-girlfriend "In life, we never lose friends, we only learn who the true ones are." - unknown "The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserved to." - unknown You don't dress well "Your vibe attracts your tribe."  - unknown mention of ex People inspire you, or they drain you -- pick them wisely." - Hans F. Hansen You're physically hard to catch "You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce." - Tony Gaskins bad friends "There is no virtue in tolerating toxic behavior." - Dr. Phil Rap Music "When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn't healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits -- anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving." - Kim McMillen   Images via Bigstock and Shutterstock 

The post Girl, Bye: 11 Quotes To Remember When You’re Dealing With Bad Friends appeared first on MadameNoire.

Vivian Kaye Of KinkyCurlyYaki Extensions On Her Dedication To Keeping It So Kinky, It’s “Kanky”

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The extension game as we know it has changed over the years. Weaves are getting longer, no one cares if they look less than realistic, and the more inflated the more embraced. But another major change in terms of extensions is the growing popularity of textured hair to match natural hair, and when it comes to that, KinkyCurlyYaki is a name you need to know — if you don’t already.

KinkyCurlyYaki

KinkyCurlyYaki is a company started by Vivian Kaye, which sells high quality, 100 percent human hair that’s textured. It was one of the first companies to make hair extensions solely for our actual hair, and was created out of Kaye’s desire to have options that would fit not only her style, but her actual hair texture. Kaye was working in the wedding industry and in an attempt to always look her best at these events, she realized she needed better options. This was way back in 2010, 2011.

“I was doing research and realized at the time, nobody is really selling just kinky hair.”

So she decided to step in and dominate that lane, and KinkyCurlyYaki was born. It has since expanded into six different textures (afro coily, afro kinky curly, kinky curly, light yaki, coarse yaki and kinky blow out), full wigs, head wraps from Ghana, styling accessories and more. Clientele for the hair (which starts at $95) has grown exponentially, as have the styling options.

“It’s 100 percent human hair. You care for it like you would your own hair,” Kaye said. “You can dye it, twist it out, Bantu knot it. Pretty much whatever you do with your hair you can do with this hair.”

KinkyCurlyYaki

“We have the largest variety of how you can wear the hair,” she added. “If you want to weave it in we have wigs and we also have clip-ins.”

And while other types of extensions of the Brazilian, Peruvian and Malaysian persuasion can bring about a lot of questions and side-eyes (especially from your non-Black co-workers), you won’t have those same issues with hair that blends in perfectly with your own.

“It looks like you,” she said. “No one is asking you where you bought it, how much is it — you don’t get that with this.”

After dealing with questions of “Who wants to buy kinky hair?” when she was starting her company, KinkyCurlyYaki has brought Kaye a lot of success. However, that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily interested in expanding to your local beauty supply.

KinkyCurlyYaki

“It’s because of the experience,” Kaye said. “People DM us and say, ‘This is what my hair looks like when it’s wet. This is what my hair looks like when it’s twisted out.’ So we can tell them, ‘Okay, so this is what you should wear.’ I don’t want it to end up in a beauty supply store with the rest of all of the yaki. Those people are not going to help you out.”

“I have that unique experience, I am my own customer, so I have that unique point of view as a customer and as a business owner,” she added. “It would be ideal to have this out in Africa and in the Caribbean because they don’t have the shipping access that we do in North America. But other than that, no plan to get it in stores.”

If you’re interested, as you should be, you can check out the wide variety of offerings at KinkyCurlyYaki.com, and see the many styles and ways to wear the KinkyCurlyYaki hair on the company’s Instagram page.

Images via KinkyCurlyYaki

The post Vivian Kaye Of KinkyCurlyYaki Extensions On Her Dedication To Keeping It So Kinky, It’s “Kanky” appeared first on MadameNoire.

To Be Real, Adrienne Bailon Should Have Never Called Mo’Nique Loud & Boisterous

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For the past week or so, Mo’Nique and a portion of her stand up routine, where she said that Tyler Perry, Lee Daniels and Oprah Winfrey had blackballed her from the industry, have been the talk of the town. The clip was even more memorable because Mo’Nique took the stage and told Tyler Perry to “suck her d*ck” if she had one.

I took the whole thing with a grain of salt. For several reasons. One, Mo’Nique has been expressing those grievances for some time now. And more importantly, while she is clearly hurt by the whole thing in real life, this was a comedy show. While there is a layer of truth, comics use hyperbole, exaggeration and straight fiction to express their feelings, tell a funny story and hopefully make people laugh. Therefore, it’s difficult, as an audience member, to decipher what’s true, what’s not and what’s being said just to get a laugh.

In reality though, the reason this clip has gone viral is because of the language Mo’Nique used. People aren’t used to hearing women, comedians or otherwise, say “suck my d*ck.” And they’re certainly not used to hearing those words directed to people held in such high esteem in the community, Oprah Winfrey specifically.

But, as Brande reminded me, in our discussion of this topic, Mo’Nique and Oprah already have some less than rosy history. After all, it was Oprah who brought Mo’Nique’s brother Gerald, the same brother who molested her, and Mo’Nique’s parents on her nationally televised talk show. While Mo’Nique said that she knew of her brother’s appearance and warned Oprah that it was on some “scamming sh*t,” she never knew her parents would be in attendance.

In a recent podcast, Mo’Nique says that Oprah played a “crucial part in the dismemberment of my family.”Mo’Nique said that she eventually confronted Oprah about bringing her family onto her show. And Oprah said, “If I did something to offend you, I’m sorry.” Interestingly enough, according to Mo’Nique’s interview with Barbara Walters, it’s strikingly similar to the apology Mo’Nique’s brother Gerald offered for molesting her. “If you think I did something wrong, then I’m sorry.” If Oprah had exposed me to this type of trauma, allowing my assaulter to tell my story, inviting my family to discuss my pain without me, and then never fully acknowledging your role in it, for the world to see, I wouldn’t hold her in the high regard most people do either.

Perhaps Adrienne Bailon was in the Oprah Winfrey realm of it all when she began discussing Mo’Nique’s comments on “The Real.”

“Now, I have an issue with people thinking that every time someone is loud or boisterous or saying something negative, that that’s them keeping it real. Why does it always have to be that, just because you’re all over the place being loud and making a lot of noise, that that’s the truth and that’s real? Why can’t keeping it real be classy? Why can’t keeping it real be, ‘let me hold my peace and let me move on?’ Why can’t keeping it real be, ‘you know what – they may have done that but I’m going to respect that and move forward.’ Why can’t that be keeping it real?”

Chile.

I can understand where Adrienne is coming from. I don’t agree that this was likely the best way for Mo’Nique to go about airing her grievances. Hell, I didn’t even want to report the story initially because I felt like we’ve been talking about it for a full calendar year now. She and Lee have a problem. She hasn’t been scared to address it. At this point, she’s essentially talking to and for herself.

But I’m certainly not here for someone telling her that she should hold her peace and move on quietly. There are already too many women, Black, Brown and otherwise, both in and outside of Hollywood, who have suffered either in silence or senselessly because they felt it was “inappropriate to use their voice.” And we can’t advocate for women using their voices and then the next minute shame them for the way they decided to speak.

It’s clear that Adrienne didn’t understand the full ramifications of her words. As a lighter skinned Latina, who likely doesn’t have a firm grasp on issues Black women face, specifically darker skinned Black women, she might not have been aware of the stereotypes associated with us. The fact that darker skinned sisters are consistently dismissed as loud, boisterous and lacking tact is a problem and it was a problem for to characterize material from her comedy show as such.

And I know there are people who will feel a way because I made this a race thing, but it absolutely plays a factor. Because White women, who’ve said far worse, don’t become topics of week-long conversation like Mo’Nique did. And for Adrienne Bailon to have spent so much time around Black folk, I’m a little disappointed that she didn’t see that her words could have worked to perpetuate a stereotype, against another woman of color.

Like Loni Love said during the discussion people were so taken aback by this clip because they’re not used to female comics using this type of language. While no one would bat an eyelash or think twice about a Black male comic telling anyone to “suck their d*ck” from the mouth of woman, it’s perceived differently. And therein lies the problem, we’re not used to women being raw and candid about their emotions and when they are, it’s other women who participate in telling them to be quiet.

And when Mo’Nique heard of Adrienne’s comments, she wasn’t quiet about them either.

Well, there you have it. The producers at “The Real” need to scurry and book her for the show. I would love to see this discussion take place in person.

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.

The post To Be Real, Adrienne Bailon Should Have Never Called Mo’Nique Loud & Boisterous appeared first on MadameNoire.

Color Chameleon: What You Should Know About Switching Up Your Hair Color All The Time

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For many, Memorial Day weekend signals the unofficial beginning of summer. And when this season hits, it’s not just the wardrobe where many are looking to add some color, it’s also our hair. But what happens three months down the line when fall hits and suddenly you’re more in the mood for amber highlights instead of blonde? And then three months after that you have an itch to go totally dark for the Winter?

We love being color chameleons as much as we do kitchen beauticians, but if you’re switching your hair color up that much — especially at home — you better make sure you’re doing it right. To make sure you are, we reached out to Dark and Lovely Style Squad Member Stephanie McLemore for advice on keeping dyed strands vibrant and healthy year-round, no matter what colorful mood you’re in.

MadameNoire (MN): What should every woman know before attempting to color her hair at home?

Stephanie McLemore (SM): You have to give yourself a healthy hair check. If your hair is dry, brittle, and lackluster you should use a deep conditioner such as Dark and Lovely Au Naturale Moisture LOC Deep Conditioning Delight before coloring. Color reacts better to healthy strands with the cuticle in tact. A deep conditioner will rejuvenate your strands and give your hair the moisture it needs.

MN: Which shades are most popular this spring/summer season?

SM: Blondes from light to dark are trending this season. Dark and Lovely’s Fade Resist offers a variety of blonde shades. Chestnut Blonde, Golden Blonde, Honey Blonde, Light Golden Blonde, and Luminous Blonde. Or if you are looking for a vibrant pop of color use Dark and Lovely Go Intense Golden Blonde or Bright Blonde.

MN: So many women experience breakage when they color their hair, can you give us a weekly and monthly hair care routine to prevent/lessen breakage after coloring? 

SM: Always read manufacturer’s direction before coloring to avoid any mishaps. Use Dark and Lovely Color-Gloss Ultra Radiant Color Creme, there are 3 nourishing ingredients (Shea Butter, Coconut Oil, and Pomegranate) to keep your strands from drying like most boxed color. After coloring you must be sure to keep a moisture regimen. Dark and Lovely Au Naturale Moisture LOC Collection helps to layer the moisture from the shampoo to the styling products and it smell delicious.

MN: What do naturals have to be concerned about when coloring hair?

SM: Maintenance is important. If you let your coils get too dry you will be susceptible to dry, damaged, and brittle hair. Also regular trims are important. Dark and Lovely’s Fade Resist, Color Gloss and Go Intense hair color has natural oils infused in their colors which will help fight breakage during the coloring process.

MN: How can you keep color vibrant for as long as possible?

SM: Sulfate Free Shampoos are great for color protection, as they do not strip your hair from moisture nor does it fade the hair color. Dark and Lovely Au Naturale Moisture LOC Sulfate-Free Shampoil will not only protect your color but leave hair you’re feeling soft and supple.

MN: What steps should you take if you’re a person who likes to switch up her hair color multiple times a year and is that healthy?

SM: Yes, it is okay to switch it up a bit!  A girl gets bored with the same color, if you follow these tips you will still maintain a healthy head of hair. Healthy hair maintenance is especially important. Be sure to get regular trims and find a healthy hair regimen that works for you. Moisture is important and Dark and Lovely Moisture LOC provides a system that will lock in the moisture into your beautiful strands.

The post Color Chameleon: What You Should Know About Switching Up Your Hair Color All The Time appeared first on MadameNoire.

Wedding Politics Nobody Prepares You For

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[caption id="attachment_831759" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Black African Americal Woman Bride in a wedding dress[/caption] When you start planning your wedding, you may have the stubborn mentality of, “I’m not going to let anybody push me around. The only people who should have any say in this wedding are me and my fiancé because it’s our wedding.” But you’ll see just how difficult it is to stick with that mindset. You will not be immune to the doe-eyed faces of your friends and family members, who have special requests for the big day. And you’ll find yourself at an impasse when it comes to deciding between inviting this family member and that family member who do not get along and should not be in the same room. What’s that? You thought people would put their issues aside and get along for your big day? That’s cute. But not happening. Here are politics of wedding planning nobody tells you about. [caption id="attachment_705797" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

The troublemaker speechmaker

So far, you’re asking each groomsmen and each bridesmaid to make a speech. There is just one problem: one of those bridesmaids has a reputation for getting too drunk at weddings and saying things she shouldn’t in her speeches. You can’t very well have her be the one person in the bridal party not to give a speech. Or can you?         [caption id="attachment_612291" align="alignleft" width="569"] Corbis Images[/caption]

Keeping speech time fair

Each person should be given the same time frame for speeches, right? But what happens when your best friend or favorite cousin comes forward and says she’s prepared a very special speech—one she has spent months writing—that will require 20 minutes? If you give her 20 minutes, people will feel like you favor her. But she worked so hard on her speech…   [caption id="attachment_711842" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Who will walk you down the isle?

This may be a simple one for you, but if you have a stepfather who raised you as much as if not more than you real father, or if your real father just came back into your life, meanwhile there’s been another man who has acted like a devoted father figure for a long time, the choice could be tough.           [caption id="attachment_619221" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Shutterstock[/caption]

Picking your bridesmaids

Should you make your fiance’s sisters your bridesmaids? One of them made you a bridesmaid at her wedding. But honestly, your bridesmaids' list is already getting pretty long. And if you make one of his sisters a bridesmaid, you’ll have to make that one cousin a bridesmaid, so as to not anger the family.             [caption id="attachment_711834" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Picking his groomsmen

If you make your fiance’s sister a bridesmaid, it might be awkward if he doesn’t make your brother a groomsman. Or his family could start to pressure him to add another groomsman he doesn’t want to add, to keep the numbers even on both sides.               [caption id="attachment_705799" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Keeping the guest list “fair”

Good luck with this one! It seems like you should each get the same number of guests, but it rarely works out that way. One of you may just have a much larger family, or far more friends who live close enough to actually attend the wedding.             [caption id="attachment_705805" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Inviting people who invited you

There will be some couples who invited you to their weddings who, honestly, you don’t feel that close to. In fact, you were surprised to get the invitation! But the fact is that they did invite you, so not inviting them to yours would be pretty cold.           [caption id="attachment_616901" align="alignleft" width="378"] Corbis Images[/caption]

Including all in-laws, equally

You’ll feel pressure to include all in-laws, equally, every step of the way. If you let one parent have say on a decision, the other three will likely feel offended if they didn’t get to give their two cents, too.               [caption id="attachment_615305" align="alignleft" width="378"] Corbis Images[/caption]

The father daughter/ stepfather daughter dance

It’s time for the father/daughter dance. But again, what if you have a stepfather who has been more present than your real father? Or, what if your father-in-law wants a dance, but your real father doesn’t think that sounds right?                 [caption id="attachment_625716" align="alignleft" width="378"] Corbis Images[/caption]

Budgets and bachelorette parties

When it comes time to plan the bachelorette party, you can either have the bachelorette party of your dreams, or you can have everyone you love there. The chances of both those things happening are slim since some of your favorite friends likely cannot afford to attend your dream bachelorette party.             [caption id="attachment_693104" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Who can come to the rehearsal dinner?

Each additional person at that rehearsal dinner is going to cost you money. But everyone knows that the people at the rehearsal dinner are truly the favorite, most beloved guests at the wedding. Getting on that rehearsal dinner list is a true test of just how important you are to the bride and groom.           [caption id="attachment_717981" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Religious locations and their rules

If having the wedding at a religious location that only allows people of that faith indoors is very important to the bride or groom, or their family, then that means a lot of guests cannot witness the ceremony. This could cause quite a bit of tension.             [caption id="attachment_712175" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Picking the date

When you sit down to pick an actual date for your wedding day, it may be more complicated than you expect. Your good friend is getting married three weeks before you, so you don’t want your shared circle of friends to be all burnt out on weddings when yours rolls around. You could push it back another month, but your sister is expecting her baby at that time—do you really want to potentially exclude her? And the list of issues goes on…         [caption id="attachment_710075" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Releasing the engagement photos

When oh when do you release those adorable engagement photos? There are several holidays on which it seems disrespectful to release them. You also don’t want to release them too near the date your best friend releases the first photos of her baby because one could overshadow the other.           [caption id="attachment_696752" align="alignleft" width="378"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Registries and budgets

Deciding where to register can be complicated, too. Some places have such a high price point that even their low-end items are still expensive for some of your guests. But you really want to register there…

The post Wedding Politics Nobody Prepares You For appeared first on MadameNoire.

The Perfect Fit: 10 Tips To Choosing The Right Wedding Dress

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[caption id="attachment_831214" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption] From frilly to fitted, subtle to sexy, basic to bold, there are countless styles and choices for brides to be. As we make our way into the heart of wedding season, thousands of would-be-brides will be attending friend and family weddings only to be reminded of their impending wedding dress hunt. Finding the perfect dress is a daunting task and one that can be very overwhelming to a young bride already faced with planning the biggest event of her life. But never fear, MadameNoire is here to help. We serve up some sound advice for finding the dress that will make you the happiest bride ever on your big day. [caption id="attachment_831227" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Do Your Homework

We’re not saying that you need to hunker down and study like you’re prepping for the LSATs, but perusing some bridal magazines, getting a sense of wedding dress styles and cuts can be really helpful in making a seemingly overwhelming task seem a bit more manageable. You don’t have to decide on the dresses you want to try on, but having an idea of which styles you gravitate toward will allow you a nice starting point to build off of when you step into your first dress shop. But with that in mind, we also have to make another recommendation. [caption id="attachment_831223" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Be Open To Anything

As much as you might think that you know exactly what type of dress will be the cherry on top of your perfect day, trust us when we say that you don’t. Yes, doing your homework, researching styles is a smart move, but don’t let that deter you from trying on dresses that may not fit into that mold. Think you’d never want to don a princess-style gown? Try a big, puffy number on just once. Think a long train is totally not your vibe? Give a train with a handy bustle a go. Trying on a wide array of dresses is really the only way to get a true sense of what a) looks great on you and b) what makes you the most comfortable. [caption id="attachment_831222" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Keep Your Venue In Mind

This is an obvious one, but still worth reiterating. The adage "location, location, location" is as relevant when it comes to wedding dress shopping as it in real estate. The sexy, sultry Pnina Tornai gown might not be as appropriate for a stroll down the church aisle as it would be for a ceremony in a ballroom. Same is true for a big ballgown for a seaside destination wedding. While the location of your ceremony and reception shouldn't completely dictate your wedding dress selection, it should be a consideration to make sure that your vision for a perfect day becomes a reality. [caption id="attachment_831221" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Try On As Many Dresses As You Want

We can't recommend this enough: Try on as many dresses as you want! Hopefully, you'll only be a bride once and this will be your one shot at living out your six-year-old-self, princess fantasy. So enjoy it! Try on dresses that you KNOW won't work, but look fun anyway. That head-to-toe sequin number? Give it a shot. That ridiculously tulled-out ballgown? Let's try it on. Part of wedding dress shopping is having fun throughout the experience, so indulge as much as you want. [caption id="attachment_831226" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Don’t Feel Pressured To Have An Audience

If you've ever watched "Say Yes To The Dress" or any number of other bridal dress shows, the overbearing family/bickering friends dynamic is all too common. So if you don't take any other bit of advice from us, please take this one: Don't let your friends and family run the show. The best way to do that might be to just limit the amount of people invited to the big outing at Kleinfeld's or whatever dress shop you're hitting up. Instead, consider divvying up the wedding dress trial fun and invite small groups to each stop so everyone feels included, but you don't feel overwhelmed. [caption id="attachment_831225" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Buy The Dress For Your Body Today

As much as you want to believe that you'll be able to shed those 10 or 20 pounds by this time next year, it's not a gamble worth taking. With as much money that gets laid out for a wedding dress, you don't want to be in a situation where you can't fit into it. It's much easier to take in a dress than it is to loosen and add fabric to it. Plus, there is enough pressure surrounding a wedding that you don't need the added stress of will it fit or won't it added to the mix. [caption id="attachment_831217" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Be Open To Something Unusual

Very much in the vein of trying on as many dresses as you'd like (maybe even a few more than you'd like to), we also suggest keeping an open mind. As we've tried to explain, sometimes it's not until you actually try a particular dress style on that you see how great it looks on you. Or vice versa: In your skimming through bridal mags you come across a dress that you think is the ONE. But when you try it on it doesn't wow you the way you thought it would. Try on styles you never thought would work (feathers, sparkles, fringe, etc.) or colors that you never thought would be wedding appropriate (pink, etc.). You might be pleasantly surprised. [caption id="attachment_831218" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Give Yourself Enough Time

While it might seem like settling on a wedding gown 9-12 months a head of the big day may seem excessive, you're actually right on time. Depending on the degree of customization and detail your dress requires, it can be quite a long wait until your first fitting. So make sure you give yourself ample time. [caption id="attachment_831216" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Set A Budget

A cardinal rule for any bride-to-be, but still worth mentioning: Set a budget ... or at least a budget range. By letting your dress stylist and anyone joining you on your hunt know the price range you're flirting with, they'll be able to steer you toward dresses that you can reasonably afford and not fall in love with a $10,000 gown that just isn't financially feasible. [caption id="attachment_831215" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

Bring Shoes/Accessories

If you have already purchased accessories or know exactly what pair of sparkly stilettos you're looking to rock on the big day, then be sure to bring them along on your dress search. Having a sense of heel height and jewelry selections will allow you to choose a dress that doesn't just look good in isolation, but fits into your overall look.

The post The Perfect Fit: 10 Tips To Choosing The Right Wedding Dress appeared first on MadameNoire.


How Do You Act When Your Friend Is Approached On The Street?

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approached on the streetAm I to awkwardly fiddle and fumble around with my phone?

Am I to wander away and let ’em have their moment?

Am I to butt in on an “A and B” conversation that’s clearly not intended for me to “C” into?

How does one “be” when some random guy approaches your friend when you’re in transit – either while walking on the sidewalk or sitting side-by-side on the bus/train to a destination?

No, seriously – I would love to know.

I want to swat away that unpleasant third wheel feeling, and at the same time, it’d be nice not to be falsely perceived as some cockblocking green-eyed monster who cannot bear the thought of being overlooked for a good ol’ unwelcomed street holler.

If you ask me, when a stranger suddenly has my friend and I coming to a screeching halt in the middle of the street, my usual go-to is to stand off to the side like an awkward dingleberry and mind my own damn business. I mean, isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?

And of course, I’m also eavesdropping here and there because – y’know – we’ll probably be cackling at his clunky pick-up lines and her snarky replies later on.

But for the most part, as the approacher shoots his shot with my friend, I’ve taken a sudden interest in rummaging through the flimflam on my phone so I’m not standing there twiddling my thumbs like a third-wheel twat.

Then I wondered something – how do men, the approachers, prefer their target’s friend to “be” when they’re on the hunt for their next bedroom romp? Curiosity got the best of me and I hit up some of my most brazen guy friends – the types who aren’t afraid to approach women on their daily travels – to hear what they had to say about it:

 

According to my friend Aaron, ideally, the target’s friend would be both a participant and a wallflower – engage in the discussion to help him look like a suave conversationalist who can entertain a room, but also know when to back off during the sorry-you-ain’t-welcome-no-more part of conversation so that he can, erm,”bag,” – New York lingo for snagging a chick.

Interestingly, another friend of mine, who wished to remain anonymous in this piece, co-signed with Aaron:

 

Both seem to want the target’s friend to join in, but she’s got to have enough discernment to know when it’s time to ease off and allow that one-on-one conversation to go on smoothly. Good to know.

But unfortunately for them, it’s not my job to go out of my way to cradle their path into my friend’s pants; I’d rather continue being the awkward turtle on her phone, thanks. Besides, we’ve got somewhere to be – I just can’t see myself encouraging a conversation while I stand there like an impatient imp.

What about y’all? How do you conduct yourself when a stranger approaches your friend?

Kimberly Gedeon, the mastermind behind The Melody of Melanin, is a content creator with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online about everything from beauty and business to politics and pop culture. You can say hello to her on Instagram or Twitter – she doesn’t bite!

Photo: Bigstock

The post How Do You Act When Your Friend Is Approached On The Street? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Life Challenges That Will Put Your Marriage To The Test

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[caption id="attachment_831762" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Handsome Afro American man is listening to his beautiful pregnant wife's tummy feeling shocked[/caption] There are some couples who have already gone through a lot of hardship before walking down the aisle, so they know they can survive anything together. But most couples get to face pretty smooth sailing until saying, “I do”. Sure, they’ll have their lover’s quarrels, but the mere fact that they were able to plan a wedding and walk down the aisle means that life didn’t throw any truly earth-shattering curve balls their way before the big day. That’s how it should be, really. The first few years of a relationship should be fun! But that doesn’t mean you can turn a blind eye to the fact that not all of life as a couple will be easy and light. Enjoy the easy years, but keep your eyes open and make sure you and your significant other could survive if things got rough. Here are life challenges that will put your marriage to the test. [caption id="attachment_694307" align="alignleft" width="420"]"Pregnant" Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

A miscarriage

If you suffer a miscarriage, this can put a tremendous amount of stress on a marriage. Because it is such a sensitive subject, it’s common for both people in the marriage to silently harbor questions like, “Did the woman cause this? Did the woman do something in her past that made her womb inhospitable?” or “Does my husband wish he’d married somebody else? Does my husband blame me?” It can be very beneficial to see a couples’ counselor after a miscarriage—specifically one who specializes in fertility issues within couples. They can navigate you through this painful and confusing time while keeping you from emotionally hurting each other.   [caption id="attachment_822456" align="alignleft" width="900"] Credit: Bigstock[/caption]

A sick parent

If either of you is fortunate enough to still have a parent alive and to have a relationship with that parent, one day, that person will become sick. Eventually, as life goes, they’ll become so sick that it will be apparent to everyone they’re nearing the end of their life. If this is your parent, a lot will be required of you during this time, from accompanying the parent on hospital visits, sitting in on conversations about their estate and more. You’ll naturally be an emotional wreck. It’s a life event that will completely consume your life, and could drag out for months or even years. Your marriage will get almost no attention during that time. But if your marriage is strong, it can withstand it. [caption id="attachment_625047" align="alignleft" width="427"]“People depend on me” Corbis[/caption]

Depression

You or your partner might go through a depression—if not several—during your marriage. When one person in a marriage is depressed, the needs of the other (physical and emotional) cannot be met. The depressed person, not meaning to, can become a burden on their spouse, who is left picking up their partner’s slack around the home, and taking care of them. But a strong couple doesn’t go into a marriage thinking, “I’ll only stick around so long as it’s fun and easy.”     [caption id="attachment_609493" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Sudden success or fame

If one person experiences a sudden surge in success or fame—maybe they sell a million dollar idea or wind up on the news for a heroic act—this can change the couple’s life overnight. People will come out of the woodwork, asking for favors, money, connections and help from the successful person. It can make the successful person cocky, and lose touch with what really matters. Both individuals need to stay very level-headed and remember their values when and if this happens. [caption id="attachment_616901" align="alignleft" width="378"] Corbis Images[/caption]

A dispute with in-laws

One day, one set of in-laws is going to put their nose where it doesn’t belong and it’s going to cause a lot of tension between you and your spouse. Maybe your in-laws are very pushy about your raising your children in their religion, but your partner and you had a different agreement. This could be a lifelong dispute in your family.           [caption id="attachment_616073" align="alignleft" width="420"]kids summer outside eating food snack siblings boy girl Shutterstock[/caption]

Having children

The research is out there: having children can be bad for a marriage. Your relationship goes from all about the two of you to all about somebody else. Before, you made decisions based on the question, “What’s good for us as a couple?” Now all of your decisions will be based on the question, “What’s good for the child?” And what’s good for the children isn’t always good for the couple.       [caption id="attachment_608389" align="alignleft" width="500"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Struggling to buy a home

A lot of couples are shocked to find that they are much further off from being able to buy a home than they thought. That means that the apartment they planned on only being in for three years—they’ll have to be in for six years. And their relationship may not have been ready for being stuck in that small space, in that neighborhood they less-than-love, for that extra time. [caption id="attachment_713803" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

One person becomes bedridden

A surgery or serious illness could cause one person in the couple to be bedridden for months. That doesn’t sound long now, but when it happens, the healthy person can feel imprisoned—their entire life becomes about taking care of their partner. Even the best person with the purest intentions can become exhausted and irritable under these conditions.       [caption id="attachment_695809" align="alignleft" width="514"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Exes who must be in the picture

If you had a child with an ex, own a business with an ex, or dated the son of your mother’s absolute best friend in the world, so he’s going to be around for family gatherings, then you have an ex in your life. And your spouse may not like that. It takes a very secure couple to have an ex in the picture, and not be derailed by it.     [caption id="attachment_607653" align="alignleft" width="610"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Financial hardship

Things don’t always go as planned. Your or your partner’s business may not become profitable as soon as you’d projected, and you may need to take out a lean on your house just to take out another loan to support the business. You could go from breezily ordering takeout three times a week to bringing your own grocery bags to the 99 cent store, just to make sure you can make your loan payments each month. Only a couple who truly loves each other through thick and thin can still find some happiness under these circumstances. [caption id="attachment_702085" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Other couples

Other couples will challenge your relationship. They may judge your relationship. You may love hanging out with the woman in one couple, while your husband can’t stand her partner, which makes social plans a regular battle. You’re not always going to be on the same page about friends. Getting the social life you want, along with the love life you want, can take a lot of work.       [caption id="attachment_716116" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Uprooting for work

If one person has to uproot the whole family for work, then that means everybody has to make new friends, find new jobs, and start from scratch. Even if you say you’re happy to do this for your partner, you’ll find yourself fighting feelings of resentment towards him when you miss your old life.           [caption id="attachment_709864" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Troubled teens

Having troubled teens—or kids of any age—can be a significant stress point in a marriage. Children already require 110 percent of your attention, but a teen who is trying to do drugs, sneak out past curfew, hang out with the wrong crowd, drink alcohol, commit crimes and get into other trouble can put you and your partner over the edge. Don’t be too proud to seek professional help if this happens. Counselors and centers for troubled teens exist for a reason. You and your spouse are not trained psychologists.     [caption id="attachment_702818" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

A sex drought

All of the challenges on this list can kill a couple’s sex drive. But when you don’t physically connect with your partner, you can begin to feel emotionally disconnected from him, too. If you are experiencing any of these challenges, it’s more important than ever to sit down, pick a weekend you’re both free, and get out of town together—away from your stresses for 48 hours. Once you’re relaxed, the sex drought can come to an end.       [caption id="attachment_700530" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Divorced friends

If a couple you’re close with gets a divorce, it can actually put a strain on your marriage. For a long time, when you see one of those individuals, they will have a lot of nasty things to say about marriage—it’s hard for those ideas to not sneak into your psyche. You’ll also argue, with your spouse, about how to be diplomatic—which person are you staying friends with? Which person can you invite to your parties? When one couple in a friends group splits, it causes a rift amongst everyone.

The post Life Challenges That Will Put Your Marriage To The Test appeared first on MadameNoire.

Serious Question: What’s The Cutoff Time When A Guy’s Going Down On A Woman?

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“Are you going to cum?” asks your dude of a few months, breaking the momentum of going down on you to rub his neck once again.
“Yea. I’m close.”
“You said that 15 mins ago.”
Sigh.
“You can’t have me down here all day.”
“Ok. So what’s the cutoff time?” you ask.
“Hunh?”
“What’s a decent amount of time that you feel comfortable?” you repeat.
“15 no more than 30 mins.”
“That’s plenty!”
“But you already used up 30,” he says.
“That can’t be right,” you frown.
“You do it all the time.”

The next morning you’re running the numbers through your head. On one hand, 15 minutes for your guy to go down on you seems like a lot. But what about the times when it takes 15 just to get warmed up? Are you supposed to throw in the towel because you’ve hit the 15-minute mark? Even if you push it the extra 15 you still might not cum because of the pressure. Uh oh. Did you make a bum deal? What if you never cum again? The only way to know if this is going to work is by finding out the average cutoff time. For this, you rely on your trusted friends.

You text Girlfriend #1: Hey, how long do you like a guy to go down on you?

Girlfriend: Anything more than 10 minutes is a waste.

You: A waste?

Girlfriend: Yea, by then I probably already came no less than three times so I’mma be ready for some D.

Good God In Heaven! Who cums three times in 10 minutes? Who cums in ten minutes? Apparently, Girlfriend #2 who adds, “10 minutes is all I need. My man knows my body so well.” When you tell her that you’ve been known to go 30, sometimes an hour, she starts laughing.

Girlfriend #2: Well, if you can hold it that long. I know I can’t.

It’s funny because your man’s biggest complaint going down on you is that you hold it. But isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? You could cum in 10 minutes too if you really want to, but why would you? The way you see it, when a guy goes down, that’s your time to kick back and relax. Of course, you wanna cum, but you ain’t sprinting to the finish line.

Male BFF: Oh, so you’re that greedy chick that don’t care that her man’s tongue is about to fall off. I get the job done in less than 10 mins every time. (He brags)

You: 10 minutes?

He explains that it’s not just him, a lot of women aren’t much into oral sex after that. Some aren’t into it at all. He thinks expecting a woman to want you down there forever is the same as thinking she wants to get banged for hours. You agree with him on that. Banging for hours is so young. Who stays wet that long? But what about the fact that some dudes love going down? Is that a myth too?

For that answer you go to your buddy from back in the day that you know loves to go down. At least, that’s all he used to talk about. If he says his limit is 10 minutes too you’re done.

He shoots you back a text…

Old Homie: I don’t have a timer as long as we both in sync. That’s when it’s perfect.

You KNEW it! A man with no time constraints!

2nd text…But a good rule of thumb is that after 10-15 minutes you’ll know if success can be reached or you need to stop.

Okay, so even he has a cutoff.

What have you learned? You seriously need to get it together because ain’t nobody, not even your man, gonna eat you like it’s his job. In fact, he’s been saying that he’d rather not have sex with you at all then have to go down on you after –you thought he was being lazy. In light of this new info you’re going to take the “15-30-minute deal” that your guy offered you and run like hell because it’s a steal!

Photo: Bigstock

The post Serious Question: What’s The Cutoff Time When A Guy’s Going Down On A Woman? appeared first on MadameNoire.

10 Times Tia Mowry Embraced Her Gray Hair

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I see you grays and that is A-Okay Trailer Chronicles.

A post shared by tiamowry (@tiamowry) on

If you visit Tia Mowry’s Instagram page, you’ll find that for every picture where she’s made up, dressed to the nines, hair did, nails done, there is also one without makeup, in casual clothes, after working out or one in which she’s rolling around with her son. Recently, the actress took a picture of the gray hair at the crown and her temples. And while you may think that someone who is often photographed in the street or appears on television would want to cover up this sign of aging, Tia is embracing the grays. I thought perhaps this was just a one-time thing to show the people and then cover them back up again. But not so. Here are several times Tia’s let her salt and pepper hair flourish on the ‘gram and in the world.

Positive vibes only. Happy Monday!

A post shared by tiamowry (@tiamowry) on

 

Don't allow someone to make you feel like you aren't good enough.

A post shared by tiamowry (@tiamowry) on

 

You think you know, but you have no idea. Hair- @kendragarvey Makeup- @juliannekaye

A post shared by tiamowry (@tiamowry) on

Pizza Pizza Pizza

A post shared by tiamowry (@tiamowry) on

Positive vibes only. Happy Monday!

A post shared by tiamowry (@tiamowry) on

Grey's I see you, but guess what, that's okay. Because with grey hair, comes wisdom:)

A post shared by tiamowry (@tiamowry) on

We will always have her. Repost. Her- Statue of Liberty. Guy- my amazing agent.

A post shared by tiamowry (@tiamowry) on

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Is This Petty? He’s White And Has Only Dated Black Women And I’m Worried I’m Being Fetishized

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While a majority of my close friends (okay, pretty much all of them) are Black, I do have a Vietnamese friend from childhood who I was able to reconnect and have a pretty great relationship with. When I went back home to visit for the holidays a few years ago, I was able to meet her boyfriend, who is White. They’d met online and managed to really hit it off. While partaking in dinner, we sat together and chatted about the usual — work, interests, dating apps. It was nice. But I asked him what I’d been thinking about for quite some time, hoping it wouldn’t sound like a disrespectful question, but feeling like it was necessary to put it out there:

“So is __ the first Asian girl you’ve dated?”

fetish

You could tell her boyfriend was taken aback. More than an hour into dinner, I felt we were all comfortable enough to be honest, and as a minority, it’s not a random question. Also, for my friends’ sake, I wanted to make sure she wasn’t messing with someone who might be fetishizing her. You never know. His answer was no, but he also told me that he’d dated women of a variety of backgrounds, including Black ones. It was a little odd to me at the time, but I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt. He seemed really nice, he adored my friend, and he didn’t say anything that might be, you know, oddly racist. Fast forward to now and the pair are preparing to marry at the end of the year. Obviously, that worked out well.

But the “Am I a fetish?” question is something I know quite a few women worry about when entertaining the idea of dating someone of another race, particularly a White man. It’s what my girlfriends say when conversations come up about being flirted on by White men in the club and not knowing how to deal with it. It came up in a conversation in Season 2 of one of my favorite show’s, Master of None, when Dev goes on a date with a girl named Priya, also Indian. While sharing stories about the online dating app struggle, she says that the last guy she dated, who was White, dated four other Indian girls before her. Priya took it to mean that the guy wanted to be with Indian women for reasons that weren’t 100 percent pure.

It also came up as the topic of an old article I found on HelloGiggles called “As a black woman, I’m tired of being fetishized.” In it, she said that she’d received her first red flag about an ex-boyfriend, who was White, when he thought it was funny to tell her that he, along with his friends, often joked about him having “jungle fever.” And even when she moved on from him and dated other men, she had to deal with “racist, sexist language from white men over and over again,” including questions of whether or not she could twerk and being told that her skin is “exotic.”

But I also met a young woman on a recent press trip who told me she was skeptical about the guy she was currently entertaining because he told her that he “only” dates Black women. According to her, he said that he has a “thing” for them. Aside from that, she just wasn’t feeling much of a spark, but his affinity for Black women definitely made her feel some type of way. As it should.

I guess the question here is when should you be on alert and when are you being paranoid? Because the truth is, we all have preferences and there is nothing wrong with that. But there is something, let’s call it “interesting,” about having a preference for another race and there is something odd about saying you “only” date them. Still, I think it can be pretty clear when someone is interested in you for reasons that aren’t purely about beauty or personality.

For instance, I went to Brooklyn Bowl with a friend years ago when I first moved to New York. While there for a show, I was approached by a White guy. I had never been hit on by one before so I just assumed he was being friendly, as some people tend to get friendly when drinking in a crowd of people. My friend tried to put me on notice that he was flirting with me, but I didn’t know if I was interested. Still, I tried to be a little more open and warm. He seemed cool. But then, he started talking a lot about my hair and how he loved “afro hair (which I wore before locs).” It was a weird comment. And then, in similarly weird fashion, he took his hand, reached out and grabbed a fist full of my hair without asking, rubbing his greasy fingers through through and marveling at it. I jumped back with an “Ok! Dude, don’t touch my hair. For real, that’s f–ked up” and tried to steer clear of him for the rest of the night. I didn’t consider it a form of fetishism then. But looking back on it, his interest in my hair, more than me in general, definitely give me a fetish-y vibe.

I say all that to say that if someone truly seems into you for you, whatever their race, and you are just as into them then, you can feel it and will know it. In those cases, I don’t think who’ve they dated in the past and seem to have a preference for is something to run for the hills about. But if they make you feel objectified or unusual and say they “only” date women like you for reasons that are pretty much bullsh-t, you will also know. And if you’re not sure, any comments that include “jungle fever,” “exotic skin” and “afro hair” should be a dead giveaway…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty to not want to date someone of another race who has only dated women like you?

Image via Bigstock 

The post Is This Petty? He’s White And Has Only Dated Black Women And I’m Worried I’m Being Fetishized appeared first on MadameNoire.

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