Surely be now you’ve noticed that it’s on trend for publications, older, well-established, well-respected publications to bash the younger generation. I did a quick Google search on the phrase “Dear Millennials” and the results took a pretty bleak outlook.

We’re doing everything wrong. We’re not buying homes, we’re not getting married, we’re not establishing real human connections. And it’s causing eroding the entire moral fiber of society. Perhaps they haven’t said that last part but that’s certainly what it feels like. Ain’t no love in the heart of our parents and ‘nem.

But that’s not entirely true. There is at least one woman, Tangela Ekhoff, who had some very kind words to share with the millennials and it warmed my heart.

God bless Auntie Tangela. I know this was something I needed to see. And judging by her mentions something hundreds, if not thousands of others needed to read as well.

The post This Black Woman Gave The Most Uplifting Advice To Millennials & Was Dubbed Auntie Tangela appeared first on MadameNoire.

How do you act when your partner gets sick?

To be clear, I don’t mean anything life-threatening or something that can keep an individual down for quite some time. I’m referring to the somewhat simple stuff like the stomach flu. A bad cold. An infection. Something that can really mess with your energy levels for a few days, maybe even a few weeks. If you’re in a relationship that’s lasted for a short time, the most you might be expected to do is bring over some soup or pull the ol’, “Is there anything I can get you?” out of your hat. But if you live together, is it unfair to expect more?

I have a girlfriend who was dealing with food poisoning last week, and while she wasn’t completely bedridden, she was very weak. She has a live-in boyfriend, and they’ve been together for almost two years. Aside from a short-term cold, they hadn’t experienced any real illnesses together. When she contracted food poisoning from some bad Chinese food, she assumed that he would step up and take good care of her for the few days she was down when he got home from work. But she was disappointed to find that he’d already made plans and was set on keeping them.

“Every Friday, *Aaron and his friends usually go bar crawling,” she text me. “But last week, you know, I was sick. I started feeling bad on Thursday evening, but by Friday, I wasn’t able to go to work. So he comes home, tries to bring me food and sit with me for a little bit. Maybe like an hour at the max. And then he gets up and says he’ll be back later.”

She didn’t like that.

“‘I said WTF? Where you going?’ And he says, ‘It’s Friday. You know I go out with the guys on Fridays.’ I was heated. I’m like, ‘But you see me here ill. I need your help, and I’ve been by myself all day.’ He’s gonna ask me if I want him to bring me back somethin’. Girl…”

I don’t think she wanted him to play nurse and be there at her every beck and call, but my friend felt like it was shady for her boyfriend to leave her in a weak state so he could go off and have fun.

“You can’t just leave people like that,” she said. “It doesn’t speak well to how he could behave in more serious situations, you know?”

We all have certain days in our calendars that we allot to other people, or even better, to ourselves. Whether it’s date night Fridays, brunch with the girls on Saturdays or a meetup with the Lord on Sunday mornings, there are particular things that we just don’t like to miss out on every week. It’s how we stay connected to the people and things that matter to us. So when our significant other asks us to cut our plans to check out a live show with our best friends or to go to our mother’s house to check in just so that they can spend time with us, it’s understandable to want to stand firm on those plans. But when the people we love are sick and seem to need us, there’s definitely something petty about having more of an allegiance to a weekly activity than to our daily partner. And if something is weekly, the opportunity to do it again next week will likely be there (God willin’).

I know what you might be thinking: “Really? What can I do for you if you’re sick? You need rest!” But sometimes a sick person just needs someone to help them get back and forth to the bathroom. They need someone to bring them water when they’re low. They need someone to encourage them to eat when they feel like they can’t. And sometimes they just need someone present to at least give them an emotional boost, because being solo while sick can be sad. Take for example the time I contracted what was believed to be the Swine flu in college and knew damn well I had no business coming out of my room. Still, after two full days sequestered in a dark room by myself with roommates leaving food by my door, I finally came out. I sat as far as I could away from them while still in the same room just to feel in the company of others.

I say all that to state that people underestimate how positive contact with others they care about, and who care about them, can help someone feeling much less than 100 percent. So it’s not a good look to be that partner who feels more of a commitment to their mates and their weekly fun than to their romantic mate. Because Lord knows if a man was sick and you wanted to leave him to go drink with your friends, all hell would likely break loose…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty to leave your sick significant other to go hang out with your friends?

Image via Bigstock 

The post Is This Petty? When I Got Sick, He Went Out With His Friends appeared first on MadameNoire.

May is known as Women’s Health Month, as well as National Physical Fitness and Sports month. In order to celebrate all things health and wellness that have to do with women of color, today we’re launching Fitness Fridays for the month. We’re hoping to share stories that help others embrace the importance of taking care of themselves both inside and out.

Even if you don’t follow her professional page @Lyzadora, chances are, you’ve probably seen Tokini Bilaye-Benibo somewhere on Instagram. Her waist-length locs are a sight to behold and have popped up on countless natural hair pages. And the makeup artist, who not only does hair and makeup full time but owns a shop in Houston called Lyzadora Beauty, has magician-like skills with a brush. But what really catches everyone’s attention is the 34-year-old’s body. Bilaye-Benibo, on top of being a stylist and MUA, is a body builder. In her most recent NPC fitness competition in 2016, she placed third after going up against elite women body builders from around the United States, Canada and Mexico. “There was no one on stage who looked like me,” she said about the lack of Black women taking part in such competitions. “There were no other Black girls on stage.” But it was a process for Bilaye-Benibo to stand center stage and represent Black women in bodybuilding, a process that started back in 2012.

She was a collegiate track athlete, who like many of us, entered the real world and packed on the pounds. It took a desire to transform her body, as well as the desire to live out a passion that had been burning within her since childhood, for Bilaye-Benibo to not only lose the weight and build muscle, but to become a force within competitive bodybuilding. Check out her story.

MadameNoire: What originally motivated your decision to transform your body and then eventually foray into bodybuilding?

Tokini Bilaye-Benibo: To be honest, I was probably six or seven years old and I was at home with my dad. There was a bodybuilding competition on, and of course, you see the men and I’m like, ‘Wow!’ So then after the men come on, I see all these women and I freaking lost my mind as a kid!’ That’s when I think I can distinctly remember my intrigue with muscles. And so fast forward to when I got older and the time actually got right, because it takes so much time and discipline to be competition ready. That particular year, 2012, I was 29 and I was overweight, and I was like, “I’m over this sh-t.” And so I said, “Ok, I’m going to give myself a new body, and if this doesn’t work, I’m getting plastic surgery.” A lot of people don’t tell you for real for real what it is, but that’s what it was. You graduate college, you’re making more money, and women and men, after a certain age, all you do is happy hour and Sunday funday. All that is is food and drinks. Next thing you know you’re 50 pounds heavier and like, “Ok, how did this happen?” So that’s exactly what happened to me. But I was like, “You know what? Let me get my life together.”

I didn’t want to be that person. I would look at my arms, I would look at family members — I didn’t want to be that person who the doctor told, “You have to change this or else.” I didn’t want to be told that. And we’re all told that “Oh, once you get to 30, your body goes downhill from there.” But I said, “I kind of think that’s a choice.” I think to a certain extent, it is a choice. For me, it was kind of one of those things where I was just like, “Whatever I can do in my power to make sure that I’m healthy, that’s what I’m going to do.” So initially I didn’t start bodybuilding. I started getting my health together. I went on a complete raw vegan detox and I did that for six months, and I think I lost maybe 65 to 70 pounds. This is before I even started working out. This is before I started training, before any of that stuff. So after I had gotten to 150 or so, I said, “I think it’s time for me to do what I’ve always wanted to do.” So that’s where I decided, “You know what? Let’s do this and it will be your gift to yourself for your 30th birthday. You’ll have a new body and feel good about yourself.” That’s what I did. I trained in 2012 to get ready for my first fitness competition as a birthday gift to myself.

Were you ever nervous about what people might say? You know we Nigerians.

I honestly didn’t care. My dad doesn’t compete, but he’s always been into bodybuilding as long as I’ve been alive. So that was never an issue for me. People are going to talk anyway. Outside of bodybuilding, people will talk if you’re fat, people will talk if you’re skinny — you might as well have the body you want. You might as well have the things in life you want because they’re going to talk anyway. But to be honest, there is a stigma when it comes to Nigerians, specifically women. It sounds terrible, but you don’t really have any value outside of getting married and having children, regardless of your degrees, regardless of your accomplishments. So I started training, and of course, my dad was impressed because he’s always been health conscious. But when I’d gone to Nigeria, they were like [in accent], “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t do too much. A man will want a woman to be soft. The exercise is too much you know? Stop now. It’s only yam. It’s only garri.” They don’t really get it. Instead of being a jerk I say, “You know what Auntie? I’m good.” But every once in a while, you know, I was at the airport in Nigeria and they were like [in accent], “Soooo, you be man or woman?” I was like, “Ask your mom.” That’s the worst thing you can do in the airport in Nigeria because they can hold you, but that particular day, I was over it. I hadn’t even really advanced that far as far as bodybuilding yet. But I continued.

How do you balance a busy schedule and making time for exercise? 

It’s hard having to balance it before work: Getting up at 4 a.m. to go train and then making sure all of my food is ready and then going to work. Normally, in the morning, I get my cardio out of the way and then I get out of work. And then after I get off of work is when I do my weight training. It makes it easier for me to split it up. One, I’m not as tired at once having to do cardio plus the training. And then it breaks up the time for me. I can get up, go do my cardio, listen to music and get my day started, get a little energy, and then it allows me to work because my workdays are long too.

How has scoliosis impacted you while building muscle, particularly on your back? 

For my whole college career, even high school, I was told “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” So I was afraid to do anything until I started training. It was a physical thing but it was also a metaphorical thing. I was so afraid to do certain things, but I literally had to put my foot in. I had to. I had to figure out how to work around it. I do limit myself with certain things in the gym. I believe that anybody of any ability can train according to their own body, we just have to make modifications. That’s what I do. My favorite physical attribute on my body is my back, but it’s also my greatest insecurity because of my scoliosis. I can see it. Other people can’t see it as well as I can. But on the other hand, I look at my back and I’m like, “Ooh this thing is shredded exactly how I want it.” So it’s both for me. As far as heavy, heavy weights that could put strain on my back, those I don’t do. I’m not a power lifter. I’m not in the gym to impress anybody with how much weight I can throw around. People always ask, “Well how much can you squat? How much do you bench?” I really don’t care. I don’t care about the numbers. My goal is an aesthetic goal.

As far as numbers go, what advice do you give women trying to build muscle who get discouraged by the number on the scale? 

It’s hard to tell someone not to look at the scale because the numbers, to a certain extent, are still an indication of certain progress. But certain days, with women and their hormonal fluctuation, you may hold more water. You may have days where you’re extra skinny one day and then the next day you’re like, “Why did the scale go up two pounds? I thought I put in the work.” As much as it sucks, you just have to get through the day. Don’t mess it up by binge eating emotionally. Get through the day. Keep doing what you’re doing. Add a little extra water. If you’re worried, drink some more water. As simple as it sounds, adding additional water helps to reduce belly fat and bloating. If you’ve ever seen a toilet that doesn’t flush, the best way to make it flush is to pour more water in it. If you want your body to flush, that’s what it’s going to do. The more water you drink, the more water you’re going to flush out.

As far as the fitness side of wanting to be at a healthy place physically, you have to be ready to do it yourself. Nobody else can motivate you like you can and no one else will. You can have all the gym buddies in the world, but they’re going to fall off. And it’s going to be left up to you to say, “You know what? I’m not driving through Jack in the Box today.” “Let me go to the gym, I’m not sleeping in.” “It may be cold today but I’m still going.” People say it’s a lifestyle change, but it sounds so cliche to me. The real, real, real, is that it’s a daily decision. You have to make a daily decision not to be greedy. I’ve been there. When I first started I was like, anything starch-related, I need it. And that’s my thing. I never had issues with sweets: candies, cookies. Mine was like rice, pasta, something like that. But I have to make a decision every day: “Ok, you’re good. You’re not hungry, you’re just greedy.” I have to tell myself that because I know. I gained weight because I ate too much. Not only did I eat too much but I was sitting my a– down all the time. Outside of work, all I was doing was sitting down and chilling and chilling. So I’ve had times where I’ve pulled into a drive-thru, ordered food and thought, “Ok, I’m going to regret this in two days or the scale is going to go up” and I would literally pull off on the plug. Literally run off before getting to the window to pay. That was a victory for me: “Ok, you didn’t actually buy the food so you’re not going to eat it.” Or days that I would buy junk food. I don’t have control when it comes to certain stuff, so I don’t put certain stuff in my house. I don’t put chips in my house because I like crunchy things and if it’s a family-size bag, I’m going to chew it. Most of these companies who have most of the junk foods, they have psychologists and neurologists who work for them. They know the things that are addictive: salty plus crunch, sweet plus chewy. Those things neurologically fire off things in your brain that give off the same hormones and chemicals as cocaine, heroine, all of those things. That’s why it becomes hard for people to let go of certain foods.

And what do you say to people who say that muscle and femininity don’t mix, so they’re afraid to do strength training because they might get “bulky”? Looking at someone like you, you are very feminine. You are a beauty lover! You do makeup and hair but then you’re also a very strong and muscular woman. 

Here’s the thing, a lot of women do say that, but what I’ve realized is that most of the people who say that have excess fat anyway. They’re like, “I don’t want to be big and bulky,” and I’m like, but your arms can barely fit in a jacket. Let’s try to look at something a little bit different so that you’re able to do whatever. Plus, you have to really train a lot to just get big and bulky. Naturally, I have smaller arms. So it’s taken me four years to even build muscle on my arms. And I decided that you can’t leave it up to someone else to determine what femininity looks like. It looks different for different people, and for me, I like muscle. I’m a glam girl, but I don’t need to necessarily be prissy all of the time. I like to sweat because sweat means I’m doing something right. I like my six-inch heels just as much as I like my running shoes. I decided that muscles look really cute in a dress! Either way though, you have to be confident in yourself. Whether you’re muscular, whether you’re skinny, whether you’re fat — own your sh-t. Own the skin that you’re in. Transform it in the way you want to, but you have to own where you’re standing. So for me, I was like, “Ok, this is what I am. This is who I am and this is how I like to look.” Even if I was wearing a fruit basket on my head, if it feels good to me, it’s going to appear confidently on me.

Follow this femme fitness enthusiast at @Lyzadora and @Lyzadorafitness.  Check out the rest of this month’s Fitness Friday features with yogi Jessamyn Stanley and CrossFit competitor Elisabeth Akinwale. 

The post Fitness Fridays: Body Builder Tokini Bilaye-Benibo On Not Getting Discouraged By Haters — Or The Scale appeared first on MadameNoire.

Jean-Michel Basquiat, the Brooklyn-born artist who went from graffiti artist to art world wonder in just seven years before losing his life to a tragic heroin overdose in 1988, just made history. The artist who is a rap lyric favorite of artists like Jay-Z and Kanye West recently broke a record with his painting “Untitled” selling for $110.5 million at an auction at Sotheby’s, the sixth most expensive work to ever be sold at auction.

Dealer and Basquiat expert Jeffrey Deitch remarked the artist of Haitian and Puerto-Rican descent just joined the ranks of some of history’s most revered artists:

“He’s now in the same league as Francis Bacon and Pablo Picasso.”

According to the New York Times, only ten other works have broken the $100 million mark.

Not too long after the sale was announced, Japanese billionaire Yusaku Maezawa took to Instagram and revealed himself to be the buyer of “Untitled”, a painted of a skull forged by oil stick and spray paint.

41-year-old Maezawa  is founder of the Contemporary Art Foundation and as well as Japan’s largest online fashion mall, Zozotown. Last year, he set the previous auction for Basquiat high paying $57.3 million for the artist’s 1982 painting of a horned devil at Christie’s. In a statement to Sotheby’s he stated:

“I wish to loan this piece — which has been unseen by the public for more than 30 years — to institutions and exhibitions around the world. I hope it brings as much joy to others as it does to me, and that this masterpiece by the 21-year-old Basquiat inspires our future generations.”

Basquiat’s work focused on themes such as wealth vs. poverty using social commentary in his work to attack power structures, racism and class struggle. Last year Basquiat became the highest –grossing Americana artist at auction, generating $171.5 million from 80 works, his auction high increasing at least tenfold in the last 15 years.

The post Basquiat “Untitled” Painting Breaks Record At Sotheby’s Auction appeared first on MadameNoire.

As the rumors of Mathew Knowles’ troubled relationship with his daughters Beyoncé and Solange continue, he is finally putting it all to rest and setting the record straight.

In a recent interview with Houston’s Fox 26, Knowles told news reporter Jonathan Martin that his relationship with his superstar daughters is just fine.

“I’ll only say that I communicate with my daughters weekly,” he said, combating the reports. “I would describe my relationship with my daughters as ‘loving.’” Interestingly enough, there have been many instances where he and Beyoncé’s relationship in particular made headlines, including that he wasn’t invited to the hospital for the birth of her soon-to-be-born twins.

“That’s a lie,” Knowles said about the hospital rumor. “There’s a difference between a rumor and a lie. That’s a bold lie.”

During the interview, Knowles even went as far as showing recent text messages between him and Beyoncé to prove that their relationship is in fact not strained. In the messages, it revealed that Beyoncé had sent videos and messages in the previous days leading up to the interview.

“He can say, ‘I saw this, y’all are full of sh*t!’” says Mathew. “I don’t care what people say.”

The post Mathew Knowles Talks His Relationship With Daughters appeared first on MadameNoire.

ME x Reebok SS17 | This Friday 5/19 at midnight #melodyehsani #MExReebok

A post shared by Melody Ehsani (@melodyehsani) on May 16, 2017 at 2:53pm PDT

Los Angeles-based designer Melody Ehsani has teamed up with Reebok for yet another collaboration collection, but this one is surely one of the most woke we’ve seen from the duo. And we’ve got one word to sum up our thoughts about it: obsessed.

As Ehsani’s forthcoming Spring 2017 collection, the exclusive line, which is tagged with activist Wael Gonhim’s quote “the power of the people is greater than the people in power,” celebrates the beauty, power and legacy of women of color.

“This particular collection is dedicated to women of color,” said Ehsani in a statement. “Drawing from iconic imagery of the past while honoring the present, I am reminded of the legacy of beauty, power, intelligence, resilience and vision that has always existed. We stand on the shoulders of greats who have come before us, while honoring those present among us who have literally created movements in their respective mediums. The effects of which will affect generations to come.”

Known for specializing in quality goods like jewelry, accessories, footwear and apparel, this collection (the first of four she’ll be presenting) boasts of fashion-forward pieces like denim jumpsuits, button-up dresses and scuba dresses featuring none other than Nefertiti. And of course, the collaboration includes a Reebok sneaker dubbed Princess, which flaunts Nefertiti on the heel with cream and red detailing.

The post Melody Ehsani’s New Collection Celebrates The Beauty, Power & Legacy Of Women Of Color appeared first on MadameNoire.

As I’ve matured into adulthood there are two things I’ve struggled to grasp when it comes to the unfair situations that often occur in life in which there aren’t any easy answers. The first being that sometimes an accident is just that and it isn’t always someone’s fault. The second being when it comes to guiding children through life to make safe and sound decisions, where does parenting end and outside influences begin? I often talk about the parenting paranoia that all parents encounter, and it seems for my generation it might be much worse. My parents weren’t confronted with 320 parenting blogs solely dedicated to the dangers of vaccines. In the seventies, there wasn’t social media routinely reminding them about all of the black youth around the country who are victims of gun violence. Parenthood has given me plenty of basic stuff to obsess over in the past two years, and if my generation of thirty-somethings raising both toddlers and teens thought they were doing a decent job of keeping their kids on the straight and narrow, parenting guilt can be found only a few headlines away.

There’s Timothy Piazza, the Penn State undergrad who died as a result of a hazing ritual at one of the university’s fraternity houses. Piazza was given lethal doses of alcohol that caused him to fall down a flight of stairs at a party hosted by Beta Theta Pi, the fraternity that now faces charges in his death along with the school for criminal inaction. Court proceedings went underway this week and the Piazza family are preparing themselves to hear detailed testimony of the happenings of the night, some which were documented via text and video. In an interview, father Jim Piazza briefly shared his thoughts on the party attendees’ lack of action to help his son:

“They fed him lethal doses of alcohol and they killed him, and then they treated him like a rag doll, like road kill, they slapped him around, threw water on him, one kid punched him.”

Then there’s Davis Cripe. Cripe was a 16-year-old teen from South Carolina who died after consuming a caffeinated soda, energy drink and latte over a short period of time. The state coroner reported that ingesting so much caffeine over a two-hour time span caused a “cardiac event” resulting in the young man’s death. In a public statement, Richland county coroner Gary Watts expressed that parents should educate their families about the dangers of caffeine overdose, but was clear the drinks were not allowed in his household:

“These drinks can be very dangerous. I’m telling my friends and family don’t drink them.”

“The purpose here today is not to slam Mountain Dew, not to slam cafe lattes, or energy drinks. But what we want to do is to make people understand that these drinks — this amount of caffeine, how it’s ingested, can have dire consequences. And that’s what happened in this case.”

In addition to these unfortunate headlines, others have included babies who died after being crushed by IKEA furniture, Facebook live suicides and moldy sippy cups and bath toys. At this point I want to fill up my refrigerator with water, homeschool my child, never send her to college and pad any area in my house where the furniture isn’t bolted to a stud in the wall. But I am quickly reminded of the lessons I’ve learned about those gray areas in life: Bad things happen and sometimes there isn’t someone to blame.

As a parent, I sympathize with anyone who has to experience the loss of a child. It’s not the natural order of things and whether you’re parenting style resembles Frank Gallagher’s of the show Shameless or The Little Mermaid’s King Triton, the best parenting styles in the world won’t guarantee your child won’t grow up and be an unfortunate consequence of their own decision making or that of others. As much as I’d like to think it’s me and my baby against the world, I often wonder where the lawsuits end and the accountability begins. I witnessed the Piazza family in tears on the Today Show earlier this week as they talked about how their son always made good choices and they worried about him joining a fraternity in the first place. We all want to say we are raising are kids to be strong, to fight peer pressure and to walk away when things are wrong and help those in need. But in reality, people make bad decisions, people fail to trust their gut, people act out of character when they want to be accepted or liked. Does it excuse those party attendees who walked past what they thought may have been just Piazza’s passed out body? No, but should they face criminal charges?  I don’t know, but a court of laws says they should.

Or what about the IKEA dressers that kids were climbing and being pinned under a few years back?  Comments sections were filled with how parents need to better supervise their kids and harness the furniture. Others said it was IKEA’s responsibility to issue warning upon warning and do everything short of coming to customer’s houses to arrange and secure furniture. I found myself thinking, “My mother never needed this many warning labels to get me through life safely. Where there wasn’t a warning label there was a behind whooping that came courtesy of me almost killing myself from doing something I wasn’t supposed to or my mom’s Isotoner sharply turning the corner and landing on my ass.”  I think want most of us want is a full-proof way to ensure our kids never have to face any harm. And while I agree there’s no substitute for an involved parent, I also can testify that unfortunate events happen in life and sometimes there isn’t anyone to blame or sue.

It doesn’t always have to be about tragic events either. I’ve witnessed friends proceed to storm through parent-teacher conferences just to curse out every single teacher for why their child’s report card is rocking straight D’s. Because it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with their child’s performance in class? All the teachers have to be biased, right? Those types of parents are also the ones who blame Rihanna for their child’s premature sexual awakening and point the finger at rap music when their child shows a hint of violent tendencies. Do I think the world is filled with influences that aren’t the best for your child and folks that don’t have the best intentions. Yes, but I also believe it’s the parent’s job to censor their child’s world for what’s appropriate for them at any given time and to provide context for the the things that they can’t. Maybe Rihanna might want to consider her 15-year-old fans the next time she decides to twerk on Drake in some booty shorts, but just maybe she’s a grown woman living her life and not responsible for raising your child. In addition, when a child witnesses a parent place blame on all the bad things in life on everyone but themselves, they learn to place their own success and well-being in the hands of everyone else but themselves.

Do I think today’s parent’s have an accountability problem?  I’m not sure, but what I do know is that I am setting myself up for a lot of heartbreak and frustration if I go through life thinking my child’s happiness and well-being is the world’s top priority. I never want my daughter to be victim but I do want to prepare her or the harsh reality that from coed, to colleague, to corporation: Most people will not sacrifice their convenience or come up to make sure she gets through life safely.  I want her to be able to assess the part she plays in any situation and what she can do to control the outcome. I believe it’s my job as a mother to make sure she understands that she can’t always control what she encounters, but she can educate and empower herself to know how she should respond.

Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a  passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

The post Us Against The World: Do Today’s Parents Have An Accountability Problem? appeared first on MadameNoire.

With hip-hop and rap growing more mainstream and accepted as apart of not just African-American culture, but American culture as a whole, you might have thought this sort of thing would’ve happened a long time ago. There have been classes and coursework dedicated to exploring the artistry and careers of influential artists. Armstrong State University in Savannah, GA offered an English class on Outkast and hip-hop and Washington University in St. Louis, MO recently debuted a course entitled, “The Politics of Kanye West: Black Genius and Sonic Aesthetics.”

Taking hip-hop meets academia a step further, senior Obasi Shaw is graduating Harvard University with honors and may have his mixtape to thank.

BET reports that Shaw who is originally from the suburbs of Atlanta, GA describes the album as “a moody take on what it means to be Black in America.” The rap album the grad submitted as his senior thesis is titled “Liminal Minds” and combines elements of Middle English poetry with issues of racial identity in America. He received an A- for his work and as a result is set to graduate with honors next week.

In a recent statement, Shaw described the influence behind his work:

“[African-Americans are] free, but the effects of slavery still exist. Each song is an exploration of that state between slavery and freedom.”

“Rap is a genre in which I can say everything I want to say. I’ve been writing in different capacities, but I never felt that I found my art form until I started rapping.”

Harvard revealed that although Shaw will be moving to Seattle post-graduation to complete a one-year internship in software engineering, he will continue to keep rap as a hobby. The school also shared his story on its official Instagram page:

Killing books and beats? We love it. Congrats to Mr. Shaw on his accomplishments!

The post This Harvard Student Is The First Ever To Submit A Rap Album As His Senior Thesis appeared first on MadameNoire.

Just two months ago, Dove announced that they were expanding their popular personal care brand that focuses on inspiring with Real Beauty Productions company. Famed television producer Shonda Rhimes is at the helm, serving as the creative director for the new production house.

Showcasing real stories from real women that expand the definition of beauty, they have chosen their first film production and it features Fat Girls Dance founder Cathleen Meredith.

In the video, Meredith, a playwright and author, who decided to launch a year-long dance challenge after research for a book turned into a passionate movement, and her story is highlighted. Meredith and the group of women who are dedicated to changing the status quo of beauty standards and embodying the word body positive, are now in week 37 with 15 more to go. Every week, the ladies learn new choreography and post their performances to YouTube.

“I didn’t know that this was a love affair that I had been missing my entire life because I had always loved myself and always thought that Cathleen was dope. But, I didn’t think that Cathleen’s body was dope. And, if I could give that to every fat chick that I have ever met, than that would be worth it, because I don’t think we know how much we are told that there is something wrong here.”

The post Dove and Shonda Rhimes’ First #RealBeauty Film Features Fat Girls Dance Founder Cathleen Meredith appeared first on MadameNoire.

If I’m completely honest, I took a very ambiguous approach to motherhood until I actually became one. In my twenties I picked out baby names for fun and imagined the funky mother I wanted to be. I figured I’d be sporting purple hair well into my forties and be my daughter’s personal tour guide through the world of hip-hop and R&B schooling her through the Bad Boy remix years and all things New Jack Swing. In short, I wanted to be the “Cheerios commercial” mom. You know, the one where the cute mom in distressed jeans kills a dance routine with her daughter before falling to the floor before it cuts over to Bee in a t-shirt jamming on his own. But regardless of all that, I can’t say I ever fantasized about pregnancy or childbirth.

Maybe I was a clichéd broke millennial who thought my dreams of a nuclear family would never come true after the recession or maybe it was a struggle for the nurturer in me to come out. But the idea of cradling a newborn in my arms made me more anxious than sentimental and I can honestly say only in this second year have I truly felt the warm, fuzzy feelings that come with watching my mini-me grow into her own person. That first year though, I often felt like most days I didn’t know what I was doing and regularly questioned why I sacrificed happy hours and H&M hauls to care for this little person who was admittedly cute, but often hard to enjoy in between crying because she was scared to poop and the anxiety that came with thinking she’d roll off the bed to her death before she could walk. But I think the bonding may have something to do with talking. Once that kid starts to call you, “Mommy” it gives you a confidence boost that says, “This person is looking for you to lead the way. They trust that you’ve got this.”

As a parenting educator it was always fun to discuss with my students whether it came more naturally for mothers to nurture and bond with their children than fathers. We traded facts about estrogen and oxytocin giving women the edge on maternal instinct as some single fathers would passionately disagree based on their own experiences of being sole caregivers and doing a damn decent job at it. But do you automatically get a strike on your womanhood record if motherhood comes more naturally to your man than it does to you? Even more so what if your partner’s transition into parenthood goes a lot easier than yours does?

In the article, “I Wasn’t Meant To Be A Mom –My Husband Was”, author Amelia Edelman talks about her hesitation when it came to becoming a parent and how meeting her partner changed it all. She talks about how much naturally being the primary caregiver for their infant son Silas comes to her partner Mark and how they’ve found a parenting style that works for them, even if it isn’t the most traditional. However over a year and a half ago, she seriously had her doubts about taking on the task. She, like many millennial women found herself questioning if motherhood was even essential to enjoying life:

“But I’m just not meant to be a mom. But I could never give up my career. But I have such a full life without kids. But I don’t have a good relationship with my own mother. But I’m too neurotic. But what if I have a kid and don’t love him? But what if I love him so much it hurts?”

Those thoughts however didn’t stop her from experiencing an unplanned pregnancy with partner, Mark, whom she had been dating for 10 years.  Although she battled with the decision on whether to parent or not, Mark seemed to be content on whatever choice made her happy:

“Of course, even in his happiness, Mark did not try to sway me in any way. We would do whatever I wanted, he said. We could always have a baby later. We could adopt in 20 years. I was even promised a hypothetical post-abortion foot rub.”

Edelman confesses her decisions to keep the pregnancy didn’t come from seeing a lima bean with their shared genes on an ultrasound or any waves of emotions that accompanied pickle cravings or swollen ankles solely on the thought that Mark would make such a remarkable father. She shares she wasn’t forced or guilted into the decision but doesn’t have any regrets:

“It wasn’t just that this man wanted and deserved this child; it was that this child — any child — would be lucky to have this man as his father. And maybe, just maybe, I would be an okay parent, too.”

Edelman shares that Mark dove into parenthood headfirst once Silas was born, changing diapers and taking him to wellness checks while she breastfed in between naps. She shares that criticism from family and her own guilt has taken its toll with family members labeling her as “spoiled” by the fact that she had a co-parent that took on a bulk of the care-giving. But Edelman admits if that’s the worst label she gets, she’ll take it, especially if it means avoiding the challenges of dealing with a “deadbeat dad”:

“I know it’s a cliche to say, but: I honestly don’t know how those women do it. Having a deadbeat partner forcing me to be ‘100% mom and 100% employee’ like one working mother we interviewed (whose husband barely participates in parenting) wouldn’t just mentally wreck me; it would probably drive me to quit my job, leave my partner, or both.”

As she and Mark navigate their reversed roles even a year and half later, she labels herself the “pushover parent” whom their son knows will read six books in a row to him when she returns home from working full time to support the family. She also shows no shame when she reveals she couldn’t wait to return to work from maternity leave (the longest time she’s spent not working since she was a teenager).

As someone who has always been very career-focused, I was reassured by Edelman’s experience. Her story is proof that some people just have better suited personalities for parenting regardless of what anatomy they have. It shows that as long as a child has two invested parents who love them and make the most of the time they have with them, motherhood doesn’t always have to turn you into a soccer mom with one child hanging from her boob and the other decorating the backseat in Cheeto dust. Her experience is also is an example that being unsure about parenting doesn’t mean that you’re destined to have child services at your door, and that there are many factors to consider when it comes to starting a family, particularly with someone that you want to build a life with. I would warn however that if you have previously decided against motherhood wholeheartedly, it’s probably worth sitting down and having a conversation with your partner about what parenthood would look like for the BOTH of you. You shouldn’t change your mind just because you feel like you’ve found Father-Of-The-Year, but still feel the bile rising in your throat at the mere thought of kids.

Lastly I will say this: Parenting isn’t necessarily about taking two separate roles with all of the qualities to match. Just because one person rocks bedtime stories and bath time doesn’t mean they’re the “Mom” and just because someone wrestles with the kids and leaves the house to work doesn’t make them “Dad”.  Those titles are just labels used to distinguish one parent from the other. What matters is that you’re both investing the best parts of your mind and heart to create one awesome person that isn’t embarrassed by her mom’s lavender highlights and knows that Bad Boy invented the remix.

Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a  passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

The post Paternal Instinct: Is Your Husband A Better Mother Than You Are? appeared first on MadameNoire.

As we all know, certain foods can have certain affects on your bodies, especially when it comes to down there.

Recently, gynecologist and resident expert at SweetSpot Labs Jessica A. Shepherd, MD spoke with Birdie, sharing that when it’s that time of the month what foods you should avoid ingesting.

“Sugar can increase vaginal infections such as bacterial vaginosis and yeast infections,” she shares, reccommending eating foods with a low glycemic index, which will prevent yeast growth. Shepherd also offered that the candida diet (candida is the yeast-like fungus that causes such problems), which excludes alcohol, sugar, and of course yeast, is another option that works well. However, you’ll want to speak with your doctor to make sure it’s a safe meal plan for you first.

The post Your Vagina Will Thank You For Not Eating These Foods During That Time Of The Month appeared first on MadameNoire.

Last year, actor Orlando Brown was getting his “David Ruffin” on ranting about how the Disney favorite That’s So Raven couldn’t have a comeback without him. Well, it seems as though the remaining cast members are giving him a collective, “Boy Bye!” and making all of our millennial dreams come true with this latest announcement about the show’s return.

If you weren’t stewing in jealousy at the fact that Moesha had to choose between “Ohagi” and “Q” or doing a double-take when Roger got his “Marques Houston” on for a few episodes of Sister, Sister, then you may have been nursing a huge crush on Devon Carter from That’s So Raven. Devon played by Hit The Floor’s Jonathan McDaniel will be reprising his role in the reboot of the show scheduled to premiere on the network July 21^st.

BET reports that things aren’t so perfect under Raven’s roof today. The show titled Raven’s Home will focus on a grown-up Raven sharing a home with best friend Chelsea (played by Anneliese van der Pol) as two single divorced moms. Although Raven and Devon are divorced, the two share the adventures of co-parenting.

Raven is now mother to 11-year-old twins. Booker, played by Issac Ryan Brown inherits Raven’s ability to see the future. Raven’s other twin, Nia, will be played by Navia Robinson, with Jason Maybaum cast as the role of Chelsea’s son Levi. Sky Katz will also play the character of Tess, the twins’ best friend and neighbor.

Gary Marsh, president and COO of Disney Channels Worldwide shared his excitement for the show’s return in a statement:

“There is only one Raven—and for over 25 years, she has blessed audiences around the world with the greatest gift of all—the pure, unadulterated joy of laugh-out-loud funny.”

“After being a part of over 20 different Disney projects, we are thrilled to be bringing Raven home to Disney Channel once again.”

Marsh isn’t the only person excited to see Raven in the future we’re not even sure she predicted. Actress, Zendaya tweeted she’ll be welcoming the show and Devon Carter with open arms as well:

Imma cry real tears with this one… https://t.co/JKLWafyPOq

— Zendaya (@Zendaya) May 19, 2017

Are you excited to see Raven and crew get their, “Oh snap!” on again?

The post Orlando Brown Isn’t Welcome Here: You’ll Never Guess Who Else Is Returning To “That’s So Raven” appeared first on MadameNoire.

A post shared by Baller Alert (@balleralert) on May 20, 2017 at 1:19pm PDT

It’s been five years since the untimely death of 17-year-old Travyon Martin sparked a national debate over race.

On Saturday (May 20), Florida Memorial University awarded an honorary degree to Martin. Accepted by his parents, Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin, they took the stage at the university’s commencement in Miami Gardens to receive a posthumous bachelor’s degree in aeronautical science on their son’s behalf.

Fulton and Martin also spoke, sharing that the ceremony was bittersweet. Nevertheless, they passed on inspirational tidbits to the graduates: “To the graduates, I tell you, there is no limit to what you can do,” said Fulton. “Just stay focused and put your mind to it, and you can do it.”

“Today was just a prime example of what our community is built on, and just watching all the 2017 graduates come across the stage, and just to share that moment with them, it was very powerful,” Travyon’s father also added.

The post Trayvon Martin’s Parents Presented With His Honorary Posthumous Degree appeared first on MadameNoire.

Just because the #babybump #houstontx #behivefamily #beyhive #carterpushparty #twinsies #motherofboys

A post shared by SexySlugger⚾️ #60JJs (@sexyslugger) on May 21, 2017 at 11:20pm PDT

All theses beautiful ladies at The Carter Push party! ❤️❤️

A post shared by Tina Knowles (@mstinalawson) on May 20, 2017 at 4:03pm PDT

This woman gets more beautiful every time i see her!! Hotttness personified!!! @lala ❤️❤️

A post shared by Tina Knowles (@mstinalawson) on May 20, 2017 at 3:39pm PDT

A post shared by Michelle Williams (@michellewilliams) on May 20, 2017 at 5:10pm PDT

...."Like Uh-huh"

A post shared by Kelly Rowland (@kellyrowland) on May 21, 2017 at 9:39am PDT

A post shared by Tina Knowles (@mstinalawson) on May 21, 2017 at 1:44pm PDT

Beyoncé e Kelly Rowland na #CarterPushParty! pic.twitter.com/Techf7Q5pc

— Família Carter (@oficialjayzbk) May 21, 2017

Out of Africa #carterpushparty #sisters ❤️

A post shared by OFIRA (@ofirajewelz) on May 22, 2017 at 3:41am PDT

More #africanprint on display at the #carterpushparty

A post shared by Etam Studio (@etamstudio) on May 21, 2017 at 11:37pm PDT

#carterpushparty

A post shared by Keya Skillz Devo (@skillzdevo) on May 21, 2017 at 10:36pm PDT

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on May 21, 2017 at 3:35pm PDT

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on May 21, 2017 at 3:35pm PDT

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on May 21, 2017 at 3:35pm PDT

The post We Wish We Were Invited To Beyoncé’s African-Themed Carter Push Party appeared first on MadameNoire.

Carrots and celery

String cheese

Any old smoothie

A burger and fries

Protein bars

A porterhouse

A scramble

A BLT

Soda

Hot sauce, peppers, and sriracha

Fried anything

A candy bar

Sports drinks

Kale, bran and dark grains

Energy gummies

A burrito

Cocktails

Fruit juice

Some pre-packaged shakes

Air

The post Foods To Avoid After A Workout appeared first on MadameNoire.

Study after study has declared that Black women entrepreneurs are growing faster than any other segment. Yet Black women still have major difficulties raising capital.

This prompted Lauren Bealore, Brittany Daisy Colston, and Courtney Griffin to try and change things. Through their nonprofit Young, Ambitious and Beautiful (YAB) they want to help turn more Black women-owned businesses into the Fortune 500s. Right now, YAB works with 30 venture partners and a community of more than 3,000 people online to help connect Black businesses with venture capitalists and funding partners.

“The nonprofit helps their ‘Venture Partners’ or the women-owned businesses that have applied and received entry to their program, in three main areas: Business & Development, Community Engagement and Mentorship, and Personal Development,” reported NBC News.

The nonprofit helps their “venture partners,” or the women-owned businesses that have applied and received entry to their program, in three main areas: business and development, community engagement and mentorship and personal development. “We each have an area that’s befitting of where our personal careers lie,” Bealore explained.

YAB offers such services and support systems as one-on-one and group coaching, hosting events with different co-working spaces, and providing opportunities. Besides the one-on-one and group coaching, YAB also hosts events with different co-working spaces to open up networking opportunities as well as to offer office space that is lower than the cost of having a “brick and mortar” operation.

The women behind YAB draw on their own expertise to help other women. Bealore, who works in politics and has experience with running campaigns, fundraising, and strategic partnerships, oversees YAB’s business development. Griffin handles the community engagement vertical, and Colston covers the personal development sector.

Bealore said she wants to show participants that “being a ‘hustlepreneur’ and being an entrepreneur are two different things.” She added, “If we keep continuing to treat business as if it’s a side project and not as if it’s to create a conglomerate or movement or an enterprise, than I think that’s one step closer to changing what we have historically found with women of color and business being synonymous.”

The post Young, Ambitious And Beautiful Organization Aids Young Black Women Entrepreneurs appeared first on MadameNoire.

Shh! Do you hear that?

If you listen closely, you can hear the undercurrent of backwards logic, turbulently deluging our society, in which coupledom is blindly equated with happiness and singledom with sadness.

“Oh my god! You’re glowing!”

“You must be so happy!”

These are the phrases that spewed out of my friends’ mouths when they found out I was in a relationship. I, on the other hand, was looking at them like they had five heads.

What the hell were they talking about? At the time, I was neither glowing nor happy; I was miserable and crestfallen. I didn’t even tell them anything to make them think I was in some “picture-perfect” relationship, but apparently, “She’s got a man” was enough to make them see me in a completely different light.

Suddenly my skin was more radiant, all my problems evaporated into thin air, and I was just sh*tting rainbows and unicorns.

And yet, behind closed doors, I was a complete mess. I just hated being in that relationship. It was extremely taxing mentally, physically, and spiritually. But the only equation that made any sense to them was “relationship = happiness.” That’s it.

While they were gushing about my how “happy” I must be, they had no clue I was fantasizing about how to break it off so I could be single again.

What further solidified this false impression was a social media photo where my then-boyfriend and I were all smiles. Little did they know about the friction that ravaged the relationship beneath the surface.

“Really? I’m ‘glowing’?” I would respond quizzically to their remarks. Bless their hearts. How a photo is even a remotely good indicator of how “fulfilled” one is in a relationship is beyond me! Once that camera is put away and the cheesy smiles fade, who knows what’s going on when no one’s looking? Bickering, fighting, yelling, shoving, crying – unless you’re a fly on the wall, you’ll never know.

But here’s the funny part. Now that I’m single, and truly at the happiest in my life, I don’t think anyone believes me.

My friends ask, “So, you dating anyone?”

With a sigh of relief, I say “Nope.”

They shake their heads sadly and say, “Aw, I was in your position once,” as if I was going in for a root canal and they could empathize with the pain I was about to endure.

It’s interesting isn’t it? In the same way that they erroneously thought I was “happy” because I was coupled up, they also very wrongly assume that I’m “down in the dumps” because I’m single.

Suddenly I’m dull-skinned, swamped with onerous problems, and moping in some corner bawling my eyes out. But they couldn’t be more mistaken! Because my soul is happiest in a solitary state, I often find boyfriends to be more “leech-like” than convivial – that’s just who I am.

But alas, the “I am miserable when I am single, so you must be” mentality pervades our society. Many cannot fathom the thought of someone possibly being satisfied in their singledom. But hey, we’re not a monolith – some people crave the company of others, others very much enjoy their own. And at the same time, not everyone who is paired up is – er – “glowing.”

What do you think? Is it just me or have you noticed people developing a false perception of you due to your relationship status?

Kimberly Gedeon is a creative content connoisseur with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online about everything from beauty and business to politics and pop culture. You can converse with her on Twitter or Instagram – she doesn’t bite!

The post The Illusion Of Happiness When You’re In A Relationship appeared first on MadameNoire.

I joined a sorority for two reasons: community service and to be apart of a sisterhood. As an only child who was bullied and didn’t have many friends, I couldn’t wait to have the sisterly bond that I always yearned for while helping those in need at the same time. Throughout my seven years in Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated, I’ve done a lot of service with my sisters, but the people we served weren’t the one only ones being affected. Gaining sisters wasn’t the only change I experienced after I became a member of this organization. 

Before becoming a Zeta, if I had a dispute with a friend or they did something I didn’t like, I would just cut them off. I wouldn’t try to resolve anything to save the friendship. Sometimes I wouldn’t even tell them I was upset, I would just distance myself. When there’s a disagreement with a soror in your chapter, it can get awkward to do be doing community service and having meetings with them and not speak and have so much tension. I’ve seen sorors have pretty intense arguments and later apologize for what they said or did and move on from it. That was new to me. When I had my first argument with a soror, seeing that encouraged me to be the one who initiated us resolving our issues, which was hard because I never did that before. I was vulnerable and full of pride but I still made peace. I learned that just because there is an argument doesn’t mean love isn’t there too. This was a part of having sisters.

I’ve always been a shy person and reluctant about approaching people. There’s always been this inner voice convincing me that people would reject me since that often happened as I was growing up. Being a Zeta helped to quiet those doubts. While on campus,  I would have to approach people I didn’t know while promoting our events on campus or during fundraising efforts. I would also have to call different community organizations and inquire about doing service projects. This pushed me out of my shy zone. I had no choice but to break down my own bashful barrier because I wouldn’t be productive if I didn’t. I realized that I am not surrounded by bullies anymore and to not be controlled by the hurt from the past.

The lessons I have learned through Zeta have also helped me thrive professionally and improved my personal relationships.  I now enjoy the things that would have made me a nervous wreck before, such as speaking in front of groups of people and networking. I’m not that person that bullies told me I was nor am I unforgiving and timid anymore, and that’s all thanks to Zeta.

The post How Joining A Sorority Changed Me For The Better appeared first on MadameNoire.

Sitting in a wet bathing suit

Not choosing UV-resistant fabric

Holding your bladder

Going to the bathroom in the water

A splotchy sunscreen job

Failing to wash your bathing suit

Not wearing sunglasses

Wearing a thong bikini

Not wearing good sunglasses

Boozing without H2O

Not eating to look slim

Forgetting the hand sanitizer

Running on hard sand

Keeping your contacts on

Forgetting to reapply sunscreen

The post Health Mistakes We All Make At The Beach appeared first on MadameNoire.

Desiigner

Drake

Ludacris and Eudoxie

Diddy

Jason Derulo

Ty Dollar $ign

Rachel Lindsay

John Legend

Sibly Scoles

The post The Billboard Awards Was All About Men’s Fashion — And Eudoxie’s Thigh appeared first on MadameNoire.