We recently caught up with actress Rosario Dawson while she promoted her latest movie, “Unforgettable.” During the chat session, Dawson opened up about her near-death medical emergency and the importance of “slowing down” when you find life being stressful. Listen up to her advice.
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Laila Ali has spent a good chunk of her time in the spotlight trying to avoid being put in a box. She has worked hard not to just be seen as Muhammad Ali’s daughter, or a boxer, or whatever other labels people might try and put on her. Now she is teaming up with T.J. Maxx in an effort to help hundreds of other women duck the same types of limits.
The 39-year-old wife, mother of two and mind behind the Laila Ali Lifestyle podcast (PodcastOne and iTunes) is at the helm of The Maxx You Project. Ali, along with fellow influencer and entrepreneur Barbara Corcoran, will handpick 80 women to take part in a workshop to break “I can’t so I won’t behavior.” They will receive resources, customized sessions and life lessons to be able to achieve their goals. Three women will also be chosen to be receive funds and special mentoring by Corcoran and Ali. Submissions are still open and going until May 21.
We had the chance to talk to Ali not only about helping out with this initiative, but also about how she’s been able to ignore the expectations people have of her and exceed her own.
People don’t always necessarily try to get you to second guess your opinion, they’re just telling you what they think. And sometimes they think they’re doing you a favor or that they’re trying to protect you. So it’s not always coming from a bad place, but at the end of the day, you always have to follow your heart regardless of what place it’s coming from. So for me, because women’s boxing was not really boxing and was so new, people were afraid. Then, of course, first thing is “Oh you’re too pretty. Why do you want to box in the first place?” Questioning that and what my intentions were. And then just the idea that, “Women don’t box, it’s going to be too hard.” Just putting up all these barriers up for me of why I shouldn’t, couldn’t. Obviously it was something I had to overcome, being the daughter of one of the most famous boxers in the world. My own father didn’t think I should box. He didn’t think women should box, so he was trying to discourage me in any way he possibly could. It was my mother who actually was my support system and made me feel like I could do anything that I wanted to do and she was going to support me. So even though I wasn’t asking her because I’m the type of person who’s going to do what I want to do, I still wanted that nod from my mom. She had my back and believed in me. And that’s what’s important. That somebody believes in you. That makes it much easier.
That’s why it was natural for me when I heard about this Maxx You Project that T.J. Maxx is doing, which is really just about inspiring women to break the stereotypes and not limit themselves according to the roles and expectations that society puts us in. All the labels that we have. So for me, for example, over the years I’ve evolved. First I was fighting to be a boxer and to be taken seriously. Then when I was done boxing and I wanted to do other things and it was like, “Okay, no, people only see me as a boxer. Now I gotta get out of that box.” So it’s been a process. It’s been very intentional what it takes as far as even your public image. People will put you into stereotypes. So for me to go from boxer to mom to entrepreneur to having my own lifestyle brand and hosting my own podcast, and people are like, “Why do you do that? Why do you want to do that?” Because I wanted to. So I just kind of do what I want to do. So I’m trying to get involved with T.J. Maxx and their Maxx You project and encourage other women to do the same.
I encourage women to follow their heart. For me, I saw women’s boxing on television for the first time and that’s what made me want to be a boxer. People assumed that because my father was Muhammad Ali it was like, “Oh, I want to be like my dad.” But I never fathomed the thought of becoming a boxer until I saw women’s boxing because I didn’t know it was available to me. But as soon as I saw it I wanted to do it. I saw women doing it and something in me was like, “Wow. I want to do that.” And it ignited this flame and it just never went out. It took about a year of contemplation to actually say, “I can do it” because I was on this path. I had a business at the time. I had a nail salon. I started early. I went to school for manicuring. I remember when I did that. I was like, “Mom, I want to move out the house when I’m 18. I want to go to school full time. I want to be independent.” So I was like, “How can I pay my bills, make my own schedule and go to school full time?” Very ambitious. But I got on the bus after school and went to school to get a license. And so yeah, I had my own nail salon, a successful one I sublet from somebody and built up a clientele. From a very young age I’ve been able to see that with hard work I can do whatever I want.
I don’t. I feel overwhelmed. I feel guilt at times. Work guilt can mean so many things relative to different people. But for me, it’s a balancing act always. It’s not easy. All women go through it. I don’t care how cool we look on the outside, it’s just in us to be that way. It’s really hard. So if I’m not feeling mommy guilt and everything’s going smooth with business then trust me, there’s something going on with my husband where he’s like, “You’re not spending enough time with me.” There’s always a lot going on. So what I can say to that is we can make choices of how we want to spend our time or limit our time in certain areas. A lot of women I notice take on a lot of projects and we don’t know how to say “no” to people. That’s something that the sooner you can learn to say no and not feel guilty about that, the better. Because it’s already a challenge to do all of the things and wear all of the hats that we wear. We’re thinking about us, we’re thinking about our children, we’re thinking about our husbands, and then you’re dealing with your sister and your cousin and your this or that and your best friend. It’s like we have to be grown, we have to put on our big girl drawls and do our thing. At a certain point you have to learn how to say no and learn how to put you first before everybody else. I’m talking about the outside stressors. That’s one thing, thank God, that I’ve learned — to say no. But even I sometimes find myself saying, “I should have just said no to that” because it causes more trouble than it’s worth sometimes. And more stress in your life. So it’s a balancing act. Learn how to prioritize and don’t feel guilty about not being able to extend yourself. Because what’s going to end up happening is if you break down, the whole ship breaks down. we’re carrying all of the weight, so you have to take care of you first.
I don’t box anymore and boxing was my livelihood so obviously being in shape just came along with it. I didn’t have to think about it. But I’m getting older, retiring, having children. Your body changes and my life has changed. I don’t have time anymore like when I was boxing to say, “I’m just going to work out for three hours out of the day because that’s all I have to do for my job.” I have less and less time, but I still want to be fit. I still want to be in shape. So for me, fitness is a priority and it’s something I do early in the morning. I have to get it out of the way. Once the day starts, I’m not going back. I’m the type of person that once I get dressed, I’m not going to work out. So soon as I get my kids off to school, my husband takes them to school, I go into my home gym and get my workout in. I don’t do my hair, I don’t do anything. Some days I don’t even brush my teeth. I’m just down there like, “I’m getting this workout in!” [laughs] That’s my time to myself. But yeah, it has to be a priority because I hear a lot of people say they don’t have time. We have time for what we make time for. Some people truly don’t have a lot of time. Those are the people that I encourage to say, even if you get in 10 minutes of walking or yoga or parking your car far, be more strategic about the way you get your fitness in. It has to be a priority first.
My father struggled with Parkinson’s for 35 years. Towards the end of his life, I saw him really have to deal with a lot of challenges as far as his health was concerned. So I think it was easier than someone who had a sudden death as far as the preparation for it. We knew it was coming. It gives me comfort knowing he’s in a better place now and is no longer struggling. I cherish the fact that I have all of these videos, documentaries and all of the memories I have, something my children will be able to see. It would be nice if everyone could have their life documented that way but they don’t. But my father wasn’t himself for so many years. Wherever he is now, I’m like, I know he’s back to talking and doing his thing. You know, the way he used to talk. and his same energetic self. I’m happy for him in that sense.
Image via Getty
The post Exclusive: Laila Ali On Defying Limits By Going From Nail Tech To Boxer To A Lifestyle Brand appeared first on MadameNoire.
While sitting down with Ebro in the Morning on Tuesday, Chris Rock discussed a wealth of topics, from Atlanta being the “best show on television” to his shock and surprise at the Migos’ new album being so “funky” and Charlie Murphy’s legacy. One very brief but insightful chat was about how Rock is adjusting to life after divorce. In case you forgot, Rock split from wife Malaak Compton-Rock in 2014 (they finalized their split in 2016) after about 20 years together and has seemingly moved on to actress Megalyn Echikunwoke.
He hasn’t really talked much about the end of their marriage publicly, aside from briefly bringing it up in his current standup tour Total Blackout. But he was finally asked directly about it by co-host Peter Rosenberg and said the biggest change has been a lot more free time, specifically at home by himself, than expected.
Peter Rosenberg: I don’t know whether you’re talking about this or not — I assume you are on your tour. Are you being open about your family situation?
Chris Rock: Uh, a little bit. A little bit. Don’t come if you think I’m going to be bashing my ex.
Rosenberg: I was just going to ask how’s single life? What’s it like?
Rock: What’s it like? I just bought some red sneakers [laughs]. You know, you’re newly single guy, you gotta buy red sneakers. That’s what the young girls like…No matter if they match anything, you just have to have red sneakers.
Rosenberg: You’ve always related to people. People have always identified with your relationship and now you’re out of that relationship.
Rock: Yeah. Uh, it’s weird. Once you’re a husband you’re kind of almost always that. It’s weird. It’s weird. But there’s a lot of us out there so I relate to a whole ‘nother crowd, and I relate to the old crowd.
Rosenberg: Has anything been particularly difficult about the process? Re-assimilating into the world?
Rock: Just sometimes you have free days [laughs]. It’s odd living in your own house.
Rosenberg: What are you struggling to do? Because I know there’s sh-t that like, no matter what, wives do just take care of a certain amount of sh-t.
Rock: No, no no no. A wife really, really, really takes care of you. Kid stuff, just day to day.
Rosenberg: You’re just out here on your own cleaning out refrigerators and sh-t. Like, “Yo, I never even thought of this.”
Rock: “There’s no food in here [laughs]. Yeah. Ramen four nights in a row.”
When it was brought up again later in the conversation while speaking on the work it is to maintain relationships, Rock clarified something. He made it clear that just because his marriage to Malaak ended doesn’t mean their relationship ended with it.
“I got a nice run out of that. You’re just in a new phase of your relationship,” he said. “You’ve got kids with someone, so you’re in a relationship. So it’s not that you’re not in a relationship. You’re just in a different relationship.”
Check out his very entertaining chat with Ebro in the Morning, specifically the relationship talk around the 10 and 28-minute marks:
Images via WENN
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BTkel5kBK2s/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BThQr06DAVK/?taken-by=phoxtalk https://www.instagram.com/p/BThYlg5jm6J/?tagged=meetthesmiths In addition to her backless wedding gown, there was also this fly pantsuit.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BSq20hsh5q9/?taken-by=daniel87smith https://www.instagram.com/p/BTd_IQNjumI/?taken-by=skydigg4WNBA Beauty SKYLAR DIGGINS Just Got Married and it was an EXTRAVAGANT WEDDING!!! https://t.co/2ZRuwAV7vR pic.twitter.com/WpVDXxk4Qt
— Castmag (@castmagofficial) May 3, 2017
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Last summer, when the Department of Justice (DOJ) launched a Civil Rights investigation into the death of Alton Sterling.
But once again, our hopes have been dashed.
We learned yesterday evening that the DOJ found that there was not enough evidence to pursue criminal charges against the officers who took Sterling’s life.
We know this story. No matter how high profile the cast, no matter how much attention brought to the name of the slain, the outcome is the same: acquittal.
According to NPR, in anticipation of the decision, a vigil gathered on Tuesday night awaiting the Justice Department’s decision.
As you would assume, Sterling’s family members are not happy with the ruling. His aunt Veda Washington-Abusaleh said, “We need closure, we need a conviction. We need justice.”
There were also those who were disheartened to learn that the news had leaked to The Washington Post, before the family had been informed.
Even local authorities were left uninformed.
Baton Rouge Mayor Sharon Weston Broome said, “I am appalled that this news, whether true or false, has been disseminated without a formal decision being relayed to the Sterling family first,” Baton Rouge Mayor Sharon Weston Broome said. “Also, no one in my office or the governor’s office has been notified by the U.S. Attorney’s office of a decision or timeline.”
Later, another one of Sterling’s aunts, Sandra Sterling told ABC News:
“It’s like, we waited all this time for nothing,” Sterling’s aunt Sandra Sterling told ABC News. “And as we were going through the process, I kept asking them, ‘What happens if they come back with this decision?’ … They said, ‘Well, it will be worth the wait.’ But no, it’s not worth the wait. It’s not worth the wait. All this was for nothing.”
“It hurt, it hurt, it hurts so bad,” she said later. “I was trying to prepare myself for this, but I’m telling you, it’s a horrible pain. It’s like going back to the first day. It’s like going back to the first day all over again.”
The post Alton Sterling’s Family Devastated There Will Be No Federal Charges Filed Against Officers Who Killed Him appeared first on MadameNoire.
The streets are excited about the Xscape reunion and as such, networks are clamoring to produce their biopic.
Last week, TV One announced that a tv film on the group would be a part of their 2017-2018 lineup. And now, according to Deadline, Mona Scott Young is producing the official and authorized film which includes all original group members Kandi Burruss-Tucker, Tameka “Tiny” Harris, and LaTocha and Tamika Scott.
The push for the biopics comes after the group announced that after the 25th anniversary of their debut album Hummin Comin’ At Cha and the announcement that the group was reuniting after they disbanded without an explanation, all those years ago.
Mona Scott Young’s production company Monami is shopping the project around to several networks and is planning on releasing a docu-follow to show where the group is today.
Of the upcoming project, the group member said, “We are excited to join forces with Mona Scott-Young and Monami Entertainment to bring the real Xscape story to the world. This partnership will allow us to tell our story about our lives the way we lived it. It’s our truth about the rise, the fall, and the return of Xscape. We feel the recent announcement of an unauthorized biopic on our lives is disrespectful and disappointing. We are not, in any way, participating in that project and it will never ‘represent’ our true story.”
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Directed and produced by Bill Duke and D. Channsin Berry, Dark Girls was a documentary that definitely created a conversation. Released in 2012 and later premiering on television via OWN, the film follows the experiences of black women of a darker complexion, young and old, famous (Viola Davis was even featured) and everyday individuals, who have been impacted by colorism in the Black community in many different ways. It was followed in 2015 by the doc Light Girls, which told the other side of the colorism story women experience. And while Dark Girls explored many of the struggles that dark-skin women face because of their complexion, and Light Girls also shed light on the problems women of a lighter complexion deal with, there was more talk of the negative than possible positive solutions. That’s why the newest installment in this series of films spotlighting colorism hopes to focus on the triumphs.
According to Shadow and Act, Dark Girls 2 is currently in production. This time though, Duke is sitting out the opportunity to do a followup to his controversial hit, allowing Berry to shape the stories told. According to him, he wants to showcase more of the positive while also showing what’s real.
“I’m concentrating more on the triumphs and the beauty on Dark and Light Skin Women and Girls,” he said on the film’s website. “There will be still some stories of pain and heartache, because many Women and Young girls are still dealing with lack of self-esteem issues because of Colorism. The Big question is… How can Women and Girls get to the place of HEALING and become their higher selves? so, they make better decisions about their lives. So, the documentary film will feature REAL Women, Historians and other Professionals and their recommended procedures for moving past the pain.”
No word yet on when the film will actually be released, but Berry has been keeping everyone abreast of the interviews happening and where everything is being shot on the film’s Facebook page. According to S&A, he’s staying mostly in the States, but plans to speak to women across the pond in London as well as in the Caribbean via Belize, Antigua and Trinidad.
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They say if you look good, you'll feel good and though most of us don't feel so good when we're working out, this new activewear launch will guarantee you at least look the part.
Rue 107 is already known for its flashy patterns and fitted silhouettes, and now the brand is bringing that same flavor to an expanded line of activewear with the help of Necole Kane. The founder of NecoleBitchie an XoNecole is one of the models for the new line of fitness gear which comes in sizes xs to 3x and ranges in price from $49 to $89. “I love what RUE107 stands for," Necole said in a news release. "It aims to represent and create styles for women of all sizes and I love that because Rue107 recognizes that each and every journey is not a one size fit all. I love the very vibrant patterns of the collection which make it very stylish and eye catching. My favorite part of the shoot was the GIRL POWER we had going on! I had an amazing time shooting with all the girls as we took to the desert and got in formation.” The introductory line which officially launches Friday features two original Rue 107 prints: Tanzania and Splash. Tanzania is an African-inspired print, while Splash is an only slightly less bold print of yellow and green paintbrush strokes on an all-black canvas. Items in the line currently include leggings, a one-piece backless bodysuit, and sports bras in both prints. New pieces will be introduced on a monthly basis. “The concept behind adding Active Wear to Rue107's product line is tied to our core principle of making a statement while developing into your best self," Rue 107 Founder and CEO Marie Jean-Baptiste said. "Over the past two years since our showroom has been open, we’ve had rich conversations with our customers about fitness, body image, and overall well-being. There was one common thread, they want to ‘feel great at any size.’ The pieces can be mixed with ready to wear pieces for an evening out with friends or simply running errands before hitting the gym. Their workout clothing has to give them a bit more than just a workout session.” Check out the campaign images on the next few pages and tell us which items you have your eye on.The post If This New Activewear Doesn’t Make You Want To Workout We Don’t Know What Will appeared first on MadameNoire.
I’m 35 years old. I have been married for three years and have two small children. According to societal standards, as a woman, I made it just in time. If I had not made it, I would have been doomed to a life of spinster behavior and a house filled with cats.
By “it,” I mean I’ve hit the unspoken deadline of getting married and having kids. It’s not as if we are still living in the past where being a single woman by the age of 20 was frowned upon, but there are still unfair expectations for women when it comes to getting married and family planning in our society.
Data collected by the American Psychological Association found that 90 percent of people in Western societies get married before the age of 50. The research also stated that in Western societies, “people between the ages of 25 and 35 are heavily pressured to marry and have kids.”
Although these statistics are credible, I tend to believe that it’s not “people” who are pressured to get married and have kids, but women specifically. A long time ago, a woman was thought to be a spinster if she wasn’t married by a certain age. Presently, the idea of getting married by one’s early 20s isn’t as common (some of the pressure has been quelled), but there’s something about the 30s. I can recall a married male friend simply stating (as in no evidence to back this up, just his honest, not humble opinion) that if a woman isn’t married or has never been married by her mid-30s, then something must be wrong with her.
Unfortunately, men aren’t the only ones who think this way. A hairstylist at a salon I frequent told me a story about being scolded for seemingly dragging her feet. She was in the middle of having a conversation with her client when the woman asked her if she had any children after asking her age. The hairstylist, in her 20s, said, “No.” Her client quickly responded with “Well what are you waiting on?”
Society says that a woman can’t pursue a career AND successfully grow her family at the same time (if at all), so many women are left feeling as though they have to choose between their passion or having kids. In most cases, it could take years before a woman feels that she is truly successful in her career; therefore, pushing her family planning back a few more years. We’re frowned upon if we try to focus on achieving career success or left with shoulda, coulda, wouldas if we focus solely on trying to marry and start a family. It often feels as though we can’t win for trying.
But what people don’t talk often enough about is the reality that marriage and motherhood don’t automatically ensure a happily ever after. According to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. There are so many reasons people choose to end their marriage, but I can’t help but wonder if many of us settling in order to meet societal standards plays a part.
The pressures put on us to beat our biological clocks as women are crazy. And the fact that it comes from both men and fellow women makes it all the more ridiculous. To that I simply say, don’t let other people’s timelines mess with your life or your plans. True happiness doesn’t come in one specific way for every person, so don’t be afraid to do you — at your own pace.
Image via Bigstock
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In December, singer Marsha Ambrosius and fiancé Dez Billups welcomed their daughter Nyla into the world. She gave us a small glimpse at Nyla on Christmas, with mother, father and child all looking adorable in holiday onesies:
She has been inspired by the child’s arrival, writing the song “Don’t Wake the Baby” and taking her little one with her back out on tour. In case you missed it, in April Ambrosius showed us Nyla’s face, and as expected, she’s adorable — and a doppleganger of her mother.
Most recently, she and her soon-to-be husband packed up Nyla and gave her an experience all little kid’s dream of: a trip to Disneyworld. Granted, she’s only a few months old so she won’t remember any of it, but nonetheless, the pictures from their family trip were adorable. The captions for each featured lyrics from her latest long, “Luh Ya.” The track was actually co-written by Phillips.
In March she gushed to VH1 about how motherhood has been for her so far.
“Amazingly, beautifully, terrifying and gratifying all at the same time,” she said. “You have a new life that came into this world out of love, me and her father wanting this to be a reality, and now that she’s here it’s like, oh my goodness. Wow! We’re parents. I’m a mother. I gave birth to a child. And it’s so overwhelming. It’s like starting life all over again. I get to watch all of my Disney movies all over again through new eyes. My ABC’s and 1-2-3’s and all of these melodies that my kid doesn’t know yet. If her dad is singing to her, or dancing, or playing with her it’s all brand new to this human being, this new human being that’s ours, so that by itself is just so beautiful. So exhausting, but so worth it! Like every sleepless night, every moment is like a new moment, you know? It’s amazing.”
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Remember inauguration day?
Boy, was that a sh-tshow. And no one expressed the disdain many of us were feeling at watching the order of sh-tshow events take place than our girl Michelle Obama. While Barack tried his best to keep a constant smile on, Michelle slipped up at times and displayed facial expressions that we were all showcasing at home. Who could forget this one?
The arc of Michelle Obama’s side-eye shade bends toward justice pic.twitter.com/HCjC9Ham4W
— Brentin Mock (@brentinmock) January 20, 2017
The memes that came from this moment, whether or not it was a real side-eye, were absolutely hilarious. But while speaking at the American Institute of Architects convention recently, she made it clear that she wasn’t really side-eyeing anyone or trying to throw shade. Instead, she was trying her best to maintain her composure while dealing with a lot of emotions at once.
“So that moment of transition, right before the doors opened and we welcomed in the new family, our kids were leaving out the back door in tears, saying goodbye to people,” she said according to Today. “I didn’t want to have tears in my eyes because people would swear I was crying because of the new president.”
Considering that Michelle seemingly welcomed Melania with open arms and knew all eyes were on her during inauguration and pre-inauguration festivities, we believe her when she says that what we thought was happening, wasn’t really happening. However, that doesn’t make the image of a composure face that read more like a “What in the entire hell am I doing here?” face any less funny.
Image via Getty and Twitter
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Amber Rose always looks better covered up with hair (DWTS) https://t.co/5BusyxWJKz pic.twitter.com/ywyCFBHhmv
— Margaret Aligbe (@MadeEveryday) September 27, 2016
https://www.instagram.com/p/BTAO9ArBgLT/?taken-by=amberroseAmber Rose Looks Unrecognizable with Hair — See the Instagram Pic! https://t.co/NNU5DtJGeH pic.twitter.com/pu99H7RZee
— Carolina Blanco (@Nnablanko) April 18, 2017
Amber Rose looks bomb with hair
— Patience (@PatienceGargar) July 31, 2016" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" />
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. #AmberRose pic.twitter.com/nDiNf3Dm6G
Y'all remember Muva (Amber Rose) with long hair? She SLAYS with or without pic.twitter.com/Tf9IeOQdkG
— lil beez Ⓥ (@BrandhiWilliams) April 1, 2016
Amber Rose in a wig...think she looks hotter with hair pic.twitter.com/HJ207OfB9W
— Brenda! (@BrendaJuma) December 2, 2015
Amber Rose with hair look like an android from that movie Surrogates with Bruce Willis pic.twitter.com/GZClOprGAu
— вacĸ oғғ, вυcĸo (@HitDaBoogiez) September 22, 2015
Amber Rose looks like Iggy with this hair. I'm so upset. pic.twitter.com/eQ7MGRAGp4
— Tshwani (@Tshwani_3_) August 28, 2015
Images via WENN and SplashIF THIS IS Amber Rose, she looked so damn nice with this hair
— Caitlin (@cccaitlinb) March 26, 2015pic.twitter.com/AeZ0hRkAKt
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Like so many people, when I heard that Brad and Angelina were splitting, I wondered what the hell happened. Despite the way their relationship began, it was clear that they were in love with one another. So when the news of their split hit the airwaves, we knew there had to be a pretty significant reason why.
And in a recent interview with GQ, Brad gave a bit of insight into the end of the relationship and the life changes he’s made in the months since the split.
I do remember a few spots along the road where I’ve become absolutely tired of myself. And this is a big one. These moments have always been a huge generator for change. And I’m quite grateful for it. But me, personally, I can’t remember a day since I got out of college when I wasn’t boozing or had a spliff, or something. Something. And you realize that a lot of it is, um—cigarettes, you know, pacifiers. And I’m running from feelings. I’m really, really happy to be done with all of that. I mean I stopped everything except boozing when I started my family. But even this last year, you know—things I wasn’t dealing with. I was boozing too much. It’s just become a problem. And I’m really happy it’s been half a year now, which is bittersweet, but I’ve got my feelings in my fingertips again. I think that’s part of the human challenge: You either deny them all of your life or you answer them and evolve.
All the bad stuff: Do you use it to tell your story?
It just keeps knocking. I’m 53 and I’m just getting into it. These are things I thought I was managing very well. I remember literally having this thought a year, a year and a half ago, someone was going through some scandal. Something crossed my path that was a big scandal—and I went, “Thank God I’m never going to have to be a part of one of those again.” I live my life, I have my family, I do my thing, I don’t do anything illegal, I don’t cross anyone’s path. What’s the David Foster Wallace quote? Truth will set you free, but not until it’s done with you first.Okay. But if you had a slideshow of all your worst moments as a human, you wouldn’t want anyone to see that slideshow. The way you’ve had to live for years, that slideshow has been public.
But so little of it is accurate, and I avoid so much of it. I just let it go. It’s always been a long-run game for me. As far as out there, I hope my intentions and work will speak for themselves. But, yes, at the same time, it is a drag to have certain things drug out in public and misconstrued. I worry about it more for my kids, being subjected to it, and their friends getting ideas from it. And of course it’s not done with any kind of delicacy or insight—it’s done to sell. And so you know the most sensational sells, and that’s what they’ll be subjected to, and that pains me. I worry more in my current situation about the slideshow my kids have. I want to make sure it’s well-balanced.How do you make sense of the past six months and keep going?
Family first. People on their deathbeds don’t talk about what they obtained or were awarded. They talk about their loved ones or their regrets—that seems to be the menu. I say that as someone who’s let the work take me away. Kids are so delicate. They absorb everything. They need to have their hand held and things explained. They need to be listened to. When I get in that busy work mode, I’m not hearing. I want to be better at that.
The post Brad Pitt Talks Separation & Becoming A Better Man & Father InGQ Style appeared first on MadameNoire.
Ashley Graham was born in Lincoln, Nebraska, and admits, “I didn’t grow up around many Black people.” Yet eight years ago she met a Black man that would change her life and finally open her up to true love, her husband Justin Ervin.
In an essay from her new new memoir, A New Model: What Confidence, Beauty, and Power Really Look Like,* which appears on Glamour.com today, Ashley reveals her ‘”pattern of going out with anyone who thought I was hot” since the age of 16 which finally stopped when she joined the church and embarked on a journey to find herself. Interestingly. she also found Justin there but wasn’t quite open to love after having one disappointing dating experience after another: “A guy took me out, then we had sex, then I wouldn’t hear from him again,” she wrote.
And while Justin was both persistent and consistent in his pursuit of Ashley — as well as committed to abstinence due to his faith — it wasn’t until she saw how he was able to handle the racism he experienced when meeting her family that the model knew he was worth putting herself out there for. She writes:
I brought Justin home to Nebraska. Now, I should probably mention that Justin is Black, and that I didn’t grow up around many black people. The sum total of what I learned about African American culture in school was Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and the Underground Railroad. This was more than my mom knew; she didn’t even see a black person in real life until she was 18 years old.
I never told Justin any of this, and I never told my grandparents that the man I was bringing home was black. I naively hoped everyone would be color-blind—which is not what happened. When my grandparents met Justin, my grandmother was cordial but cold. She greeted him and immediately walked away. When it came time for them to leave, my grandparents didn’t even acknowledge him. Instead my grandmother looked me in the eye, with Justin standing behind me, and said, “Tell that guy I said goodbye.”
I had never seen my loving, hardworking, and wonderful grandma be so hurtful and so racist. I was in shock.
After they left I took Justin on a ride to get out of the house. I’ll never forget what he said as we drove around town: “Racism is never surprising but always disappointing.”
Justin made me understand that someone like my grandma only saw Black men depicted on television in situations involving guns, rape, and violence—situations that perpetuate racist stereotypes against black people in general and black men in particular. She had probably never looked a Black man in the face, let alone had a conversation with him, and now one was in her daughter’s home, dating her granddaughter.
As if his understanding wasn’t generous enough, Justin called my grandmother on her sixtieth wedding anniversary. He’s not a texter or an emailer; he’s a pick-up-the-phone-and-call-you person, and anniversaries are a big deal to him. Afterward Grandma called my mom and said, “You’ll never guess who called me.” And from then on out, she loved him. Loved him.
From there on out, Ashley seemed to love him too. The couple married in 2010, just one year after meeting.
The post This Is What Happened When Ashley Graham Brought Her Husband Home For The First Time appeared first on MadameNoire.
As stressful as it can be, people don’t really address the excitement of losing weight.
Yes, it sucks trying to avoid all of the foods you love. Sure, trying to find the time and energy to not just work out but work out hard is tough. However, there is a thrill in seeing your hard work pay off. In seeing yourself go from your biggest size or one you’re not really comfortable with to where you’ve wanted to be. To have people see you and say, “Damn, girl! Where’s the rest of you?” It has its perks.
Working to reach goals is hard work, but really, the true work begins when you actually reach them.
I lost more than 45 pounds two years ago. I initially started dropping the weight just because I realized I didn’t have an excuse to be so out of shape (especially as a former athlete and a woman who hadn’t given birth yet). I had added motivations after I got engaged and prepared for my wedding. I bought a dress in a size 8 and wanted to make sure I could fit in it.
The good news is that once the big day came, not only did the dress fit, but it fit damn well. I looked toned and healthy in my wedding photos and I felt amazing. But once the wedding was over, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had nothing to work toward.
Sure, I could have lost a few more pounds, but then I would be losing weight just because and would begin to appear a lot smaller than I wanted to. I stopped working with a trainer long ago so the only person motivating me to keep moving was me. I could become a pescetarian or a vegetarian or something dramatic, but I’m Nigerian. I need my meat (at least turkey, goat and lamb). Plus, I wanted to be able to eat what I wanted to. I’d done my work and slimmed down, so I didn’t want to deny myself just for sh-ts and giggles at this point. Basically, I felt like the party was over. And that’s when I realized that when the weight-loss party ends, that’s when things can fall apart.
With that in mind, I would recommend that if you’re prepping or starting a weight-loss journey, you go in with a plan for the long term, not just for the next few months or year that it will take to shed pounds. They don’t say “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop” for nothing. Without an idea of what you’re going to do once you reach your goal, those hands go into the fridge, and all the cookie and chip bags one can find. When that happens, the likelihood of throwing away all of your hard work is high.
But creating this plan involves knowing why you’re looking to slim down in the first place. If you do it solely for shallow reasons, it might be easier than you would like to revert to your old ways. If you genuinely want to be healthier, whether because of a health scare or just through a desire to cleanse yourself, then you have something to drive you to stay on the straight and narrow. We all have our slip-ups for different reasons. However, indulging briefly and throwing caution to the wind to go back to your old ways are two different things. One is much easier to bounce back from than the other.
For myself, I decided that I not only wanted to continue to live a healthier lifestyle, but I wanted other people to do so as well. So my plan? Well, I’ve been studying to teach group fitness classes. I’ve also decided to keep working out, at the most, five days a week. My focus these days has been on strength training so I can strengthen my core and increase the muscles in my arms. Also, I try to eat as healthy as possible during the week. Lots of vegetables, as close to a gallon of water as I can get in a day, as well as more fruits as snacks and thin pretzels and pita chips in place of potato chips. When the weekend comes, I allow myself to have more fun with my meals while trying not to go overboard.
It’s a daily commitment (and sometimes a struggle) to continue to do what’s right — for me. This is especially true as a married woman trying to cook for someone whose eating habits are not in line with my own. However, having a plan has kept me accountable and aided me in being in the best physical shape, inside and out, that I’ve ever been. For that reason alone I have a plan, and it doesn’t involve turning back.
Image via Bigstock
The post So You’ve Lost The Weight. Now What? appeared first on MadameNoire.
Some of our favorite ladies are in the midst of some very serious legal battles as a result of the dissolution of their marriages. And while all sorts of theories are out there about who might get what and who should get what, at the end of the day the judge will have the final say.
Judge Faith Jenkins may not be presiding over the cases of Janet Jackson, La La Anthony, Mary J. Blige, or Mel B., but the former Wall Street litigator and New York City prosecutor does have some insight on which parties have a legal leg to stand on and which are “trying it” for lack of a better legal word. (Kendu we’re taking about you.)
Check out our interview with Judge Faith as she breaks down these divorce battles and offers up a bit of advice for women in similar shoes. And catch Judge Faith dishing out this kind of judicial wisdom every day on her own daytime talk show on FOX.
The post Judge Faith Breaks Down Janet Jackson, Mary J. Blige And La La’s Divorce Battles appeared first on MadameNoire.
A month ago, almost to the day, we reported about the BET executive shakeup. We wrote about Stephen Hill’s exit. And then a day later, about Zola Mashariki. Mashariki was the Executive Vice President of original programming at BET until she was fired.
After the news went public, she stepped foward to say that she couldn’t be fired because she was on medical leave at the time of termination.
And there were rumors that Mashariki planned to sue. Not just for firing her while she was on medical leave but for a couple of other reasons as well.
Well, the rumors were true.
Today, The Hollywood Reporter detailed the terms of her lawsuit, which she filed yesterday in California federal court.
The complaint, which you can read in full here, stated:
“The Company fosters a good old boys’ club atmosphere and mentality that are hostile to women and their advancement. This misogynistic culture, which marginalizes, demeans, and undervalues women, begins at the top of the corporate structure.”
Before coming to BET Mashariki worked for Fox Searchlight for 15 years and was behind the film The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. She joined BET in 2015 because she said the brand spoke to her as Black woman and offered her the chance to expand the visibility of African Americans.
Then in December 2016, Mashariki was in the early stages of battling breast cancer. Despite her diagnosis, she worked until February 2017, the day of her surgery when she went on medical leave. During her absence, Mashariki was diagnosed with a more aggressive form of cancer that required additional medical leave.
Perhaps most strikingly is the fact that the complaint stated that Mashariki’s former coworker accused her of faking her illness.
“When Ms. Mashariki was at her weakest moment, Viacom, BET, and Defendant Hill escalated their retaliation against her, proffering that due to her disability, she could no longer represent . If Viacom’s and BET’s actions with respect to her leave were not enough, upon information and belief, a senior executive at BET suggested to Ms. Mashariki’s colleagues that she was ‘faking’ her breast cancer. These false and reprehensible statements caused irreparable damage to Ms. Mashariki by suggesting that she was a liar attempting to avoid the duties of her office.”
But Mashariki states that even before her cancer, she experienced discrimination at the company.
“Women are grossly underrepresented in leadership positions at the Company. The executive leadership of the Company is overwhelmingly male. Before Defendant Hill left BET, seven of the ten members of its executive team were men. Viacom has a similar overrepresentation of male executives, as six of the nine members of its senior management team are men. Development opportunities, including roles on critical committees, are routinely offered to male executives rather than their female counterparts.”
Mashariki said, “Hill was a well-known member of the Company’s good old boys’ club. Defendant Hill has been permitted to systematically discriminate against and harass numerous women. He is protected by the Company’s old boys’ club and HR department.”
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Mashariki claimed Hill treated women like “administrative support,” took credit for their work, discouraged them from attending senior-level meetings, and interjected himself into high-profile projects. “For instance, Defendant Hill insisted that he play an onscreen role in one of BET’s shows, compromising the integrity and budget of the show.”
Mashariki says that she and other women, who are not named in the complaint, were required to “perform more work for less pay and lower title” compared to male employees. Meanwhile, Hill was promoted amid allegations that he cost the company millions in revenue.
Mashariki claims that in March 2016, Hill “verbally attacked and threatened Ms. Mashariki when she demonstrated ‘disobedience’ by not immediately forwarding an email that she had not yet opened or reviewed.” When she reported the incident to Human Resources, she found their response to insufficient.
When Mashariki confront Hill about his behavior, she said he “half-heartedly apologized, qualifying that she could have avoided the situation if she had just obeyed him. Following this unremorseful response, Ms. Mashariki again complained to HR and pointed out that Defendant Hill’s apology felt like victim blaming, a common response to women who protest harassment. Ms. Mashariki was particularly concerned because this was not the first time Defendant Hill had tried to intimidate her or other women.”
Weeks later, Human Resources launched an investigation into her management style, a move which Mashariki called “textbook gender discrimination.”
Mashariki also offered a possible explanation for Hill’s exit.
“Defendant Hill announced he was leaving BET on March 29, 2017, while Ms. Mashariki was on leave. Upon information and belief, Defendant’s Hill’s contract was terminated. Between February 9 and March 29, Viacom and BET went from supporting Defendant Hill to terminating him. This is likely because Defendant Hill’s performance suffered when he could no longer appropriate and take credit for Ms. Mashariki’s work while she was on leave, nor could he effectively lead Original Programming without her.”
In the wake of the termination, Mashariki claims that BET released a statement saying that she was let go before of performance issues. It’s a claim Mashariki is now calling defamatory.
According to THR, Mashariki is “asserting violations of gender discrimination, hostile workplace, retaliation, violation of the Family and Medical Leave Act, denial of equal pay for equal work, disparate treatment, failure to prevent harassment under the California Fair Employment and Housing Act, defamation, and more. She’s demanding unspecified monetary damages plus a permanent injunction against Viacom and BET from engaging in unlawful practices plus an order requiring the companies to implement programs to remedy a hostile work environment. She also demands to be restored to her rightful position at the company or full back and front pay. She’s represented by attorneys at Sanford Heisler Sharp as well as Medina Orthwein.”
The post Zola Mashariki Accuses BET and Stephen Hill of Sexism appeared first on MadameNoire.
However, it wasn't always A+ fashion choices from the Bajan bad girl. But she has come a mighty long way from her very first Met Gala invite in 2007. Check out the beauty's fashion evolution from over the years and see why she's not only the style queen of the Met Gala, but also of the Gala's after-parties.
Over the weekend, two time WNBA All Star Skylar Diggins hyphenated her name when she married her longtime boyfriend and fellow Notre Dame graduate Daniel Smith.
The two made it official on April 29 and managed to keep things pretty hush hush as the news only hit the net yesterday. Though there were rumors that a wedding was on the way.
Check out pictures from the proposal, wedding and more on the following pages.
I was taught how to love by my father, my mother and three sisters. All beautiful souls, thank you for leading by example. I will always look back to your example as Skylar and I embark on this journey together. I promise to always be the man God created.
) Swipe left to see some of my favorites moments. Yes I cried like a baby it was a beautiful ceremony Fred & I are so happy for them and I am so glad I was able to witness this beautiful UNION. We love you 2 and we wish you the best marriage life ever. #MeetTheSmiths #weddingbliss #skydigginsSmith #SkylarDiggins #Wnba #BoTalleyWilliamsSaidIt
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