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What Men Feel When Women Cheat

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[caption id="attachment_824438" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Head shot of an African American male taken outdoors against a wall[/caption] Whether we like to admit it or not, men and women tend to derive different things from a relationship. It’s not uncommon for women to take on a more nurturing role (we've just evolved to do so) and for men to take on a more protective one. So, if we get different things out of relationships, then it’s only natural that when we’re cheated on, we feel like different things have been taken away from us, or that different parts of our personalities have been insulted. Being cheated on feels awful, no matter who you are, but men think about very different things when women cheat on them than women think about when men cheat. If you’re a woman who has cheated, and you want your partner back, it’s important for you to know what he’s going through. Here, men explain what it feels like when women cheat on them. [caption id="attachment_717909" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

I wasted resources

If the man spent money on things for his partner—anything from rent to car payments to presents—he feels like an idiot because he wasted precious resources he worked really hard for on someone who was getting resources elsewhere.   [caption id="attachment_625713" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

I failed

Since men don’t tend to think of women as cheaters as much as women think of men as cheaters, men are often totally shocked when women cheat. They’re so shocked that they take on some of the blame, assuming they failed as a partner and that’s what caused this. [caption id="attachment_718323" align="alignleft" width="415"] Shutterstock[/caption]

I want to kill that guy

When women are cheated on, they usually feel like they want to kill their partner; when men are cheated on, they want to kill the guy their partner cheated with. Almost as if it’s his fault their partner cheated.   [caption id="attachment_707724" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

I can’t go back in there

And by in, yes, I mean in. Men feel pretty territorial about their partner’s bodies, and once they know another man has been in there when only they should’ve been, it’s like…someone else slept in their bed or drove their precious car and it’s forever tainted. [caption id="attachment_704623" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

I feel completely emasculated

While a woman can be cheated on and still know she is completely attractive and desirable, when a man is cheated on, he can feel stripped of his sex appeal.     [caption id="attachment_693930" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Other women will think something is wrong with me

Men often worry, when they’re cheated on, that if future potential partners hear a woman cheated on them, they’ll judge them. In other words, they’ll think other women will believe the cheater just found a flaw in this man. [caption id="attachment_704630" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

I’ll never trust another woman again

Whereas women can usually separate the cheater from other men, and learn to identify certain character traits that go along with cheaters, men can be so scarred that they just see all women as cheaters after infidelity. [caption id="attachment_709038" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

I want revenge on her

Women can often see that a man cheats due to his own insecurities or issues and that it wasn’t personal or intended to hurt her (even though it’s still inexcusable). Men, however, feel that it is very personal when a woman cheats and can seek revenge (which is why there are so many cases of men attacking and even killing their cheating partners). [caption id="attachment_623909" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

I want revenge on women

Men can transfer their anger towards the cheater to all women and might go out into the world, looking to date someone new, just so they can start their own cheating patterns. [caption id="attachment_698969" align="alignleft" width="469"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

This is embarrassing

Men really do feel that when they’re cheated on, that is a reflection on how they are as a provider, how they are in bed, and much more. That’s why they often don’t talk to their friends about it as much as women do. [caption id="attachment_713716" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

She’s a (h word)

It may be cavemen mentality, but a lot of men still think that men evolved to crave multiple partners, but women didn’t (and shouldn’t). So they often think if a woman cheats, something is wrong with her—like she is hypersexual.   [caption id="attachment_693996" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis Images[/caption]

I should have cheated

Plenty of men who are cheated on found themselves wanting to cheat in the past, didn’t, and now really regret that decision. It’s silly, of course, because why would having compromised their values make them feel better now? [caption id="attachment_698081" align="alignleft" width="419"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Women aren’t supposed to do this

Nobody is supposed to do this, but many men assume that women have much better control over their impulses than men do, and that female cheaters are natural rebels and rule-breakers. [caption id="attachment_719468" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

This is completely violating

When men are cheated on, it can feel as if somebody broke into their home or stole their identity. Since men can often revolve their social lives around their partners (whereas women are better at keeping up friendships outside their relationship) they really do feel like their identity has been taken. [caption id="attachment_716146" align="alignleft" width="420"]couple arguing, breakup Shutterstock[/caption]

I can’t work this out with her

Women are far more likely to try to work things out with a cheater than men are. Men have larger egos when it comes to the subject, whereas women might be willing to think about things like, “We have kids together” or “We work so well together…”

The post What Men Feel When Women Cheat appeared first on MadameNoire.


10 Times Shonda Rhimes Embodied #LifeGoals

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[caption id="attachment_826703" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Credit: Nicky Nelson/WENN.com[/caption] When it comes to #BlackGirlMagic and #GirlBoss, it's entertainment powerhouse Shonda Rhimes who comes to mind. This media juggernaut has not only staked a claim on an entire night of primetime programming (Thursdays on ABC), but she has also been an engaged and active citizen, making her voice heard when it matters most. So in honor of the 100th episode of her hit "Scandal," which airs tonight, MadameNoire salutes the one and only Shonda Rhimes with a collection of her most impressive  moments.

A post shared by Shonda Rhimes (@shondarhimes) on

Joining The National Board of Planned Parenthood

We kick things off with a recent Shonda headline. At a time when women's rights, reproductive and otherwise, seem under constant attack, Shonda Rhimes has stepped up to wield her influence for a good cause, joining the national board of Planned Parenthood. She recently told Elle: "The fact that I've never had to use a Planned Parenthood, the fact that I've never been in need of medical services I couldn't afford or didn't have access to, doesn't mean I shouldn't be concerned about the fact that other women don't have that access." Here's to hoping her presence can really make a difference.

A post shared by Shonda Rhimes (@shondarhimes) on

Becoming The First African American Woman To Produce A Top 10 Network Series

Shonda is the first African-American woman to create and produce a Top 10 series on network television. And while there is a part of us that's a bit horrified it took as long as it did for this title to be claimed, we couldn't be happier that this important distinction went to Shonda for her work on such shows as "Grey's Anatomy," "Scandal," and "How To Get Away With Murder." [caption id="attachment_826705" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Wenn.com[/caption]

Standing Up To Problematic Actors

Maintaining peace on a busy set with enough egos to fill a football stadium isn't easy. And while some showrunners and producers might let notable actors beat them into submission, Shonda isn't having it. When problems began to surface with actress Katherine Heigl on "Grey's Anatomy," Shonda was not afraid to let her feelings known or to take action. After declining an Emmy nod because she felt her role wasn't strong enough, Heigl found herself on Shondaland's "Sh*t List" and was written off the series.

A post shared by Shonda Rhimes (@shondarhimes) on

Embracing and Celebrating Diversity of All Kinds On TV

Even as early as “Grey’s Anatomy,” Shonda Rhimes has made it her mission to reflect a strong sense of diversity and inclusion in her shows. From African-American leading women to the featuring of romantic storylines between gay men, Shondaland productions have aimed to show our world as it is, in all of its colorful, diverse glory. There's no doubt that Shonda has slowly but surely helped to change the media landscape for the better.

A post shared by Shonda Rhimes (@shondarhimes) on

Building An Entertainment Empire

The entertainment industry is a dog eat dog kind of world. Thousands of hopefuls send along scripts, headshots, reels and pitches with the dream of landing themselves the ultimate Hollywood gig. But only a fraction of them ever wrap their fingers around that brass ring. Particularly women and people of color have been markedly underrepresented in the industry, so it's even more of an impressive feat that Shonda has risen to the top of the industry in such a meteoric way. [caption id="attachment_826708" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Brian To/WENN.com[/caption]

Standing Up For What's Right And For Jesse Williams

Following Jesse Williams' passionate speech about race and social injustice at the BET Awards in 2016, a petition to have him fired from his role on "Grey's Anatomy" surfaced. It didn't take long for Shonda to weigh in on the absurdity of the controversy, tweeting: "Um, people? Boo don't need a petition. #shondalandrules."

A post shared by Shonda Rhimes (@shondarhimes) on

Pushing Back Against Stereotypes

While Shonda certainly hasn't been shy about coming to the defense of others, she's also willing to speak her mind when personally attacked or offended. When The New York Times ran a profile on Shonda in which she was not only misidentified as the creator of "How To Get Away With Murder" (she serves as executive producer; Peter Norwalk is the creator), but the trope of "angry black woman" was referenced throughout the piece, Shonda immediately took to Twitter to express her frustration and disappointment at the Times' errors and questionable assessments. Even the lede of the story read: "When Shonda Rhimes writes her autobiography, it should be called 'How to Get Away With Being an Angry Black Woman.'"

A post shared by Shonda Rhimes (@shondarhimes) on

Slaying And Staying (Developing New Ideas, Shows)

Never one to rest on her laurels, Shonda is always conceptualizing and brainstorming the next project she wants to bring to life. Right now she's got a new period drama tentatively called "Still Star-Crossed" -- a continuation of Romeo and Juliet -- waiting in the wings. Shondaland also has an all-new legal drama, "The Mother Court" that received the thumbs up for a pilot from ABC. Always moving, always hustling, that's our kind of girl!

A post shared by Shonda Rhimes (@shondarhimes) on

Speaking Up For Feminism

Shonda Rhimes and Jenji Kohan joined forces at the 10th annual Global Women's Rights Awards in 2015 to celebrate the growing impact of women in our world. Shonda's stirring speech about the time when her assistant said she wished she could be a man for just one day was not only empowering and uplifting, but was a strong plea for equality. "... She wants everything in the world to be made for her, be about her and speak mostly to her. Because that’s how it is for men ... I don’t even want men wishing they could be women. I just want those words ‘all of that,’ to apply to all of us.”

A post shared by Shonda Rhimes (@shondarhimes) on

Just Being The Ultimate #GirlBoss

The list goes on and on as to the reasons why Shonda Rhimes is such an incredible woman. But one of the biggest is simply that she epitomizes #GirlBoss. She is a woman proud of her femininity, but unwilling to let bias or inequality stand in her pursuit of professional excellence. She is an inspiration to scores of young women and a true icon.

The post 10 Times Shonda Rhimes Embodied #LifeGoals appeared first on MadameNoire.

Mind Over Memories: How To Successfully Forget An Ex

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Memories of an ex, when personified, are like the prison guard who yanks you by ankles - shackles them - and reels you back into nostalgic hell as you try to flee into the future. The past can be damn-near inescapable. But that's only if you allow it to be. Don’t let your thoughts control you. You have the power to master your own mind – an ability that’s quite useful for purging pesky past partners. When it comes to exes, we often have a bad habit of conveniently forgetting the turbulent times and always remembering the good ones. But here's a thought - why not obliterate memories of your ex altogether? Here’s how to do it.

1. Rid Yourself of Remindful Rubbish  That teddy bear he won for you at the carnival? Burn it. Those love letters that are scribbled with his saccharine drivel? Use 'em to curb your dog. Have a ceremonious cleansing of anything and everything that reminds you of your ex. You don't need to be triggered back down memory lane every time you walk into your home - it's supposed to be your sanctuary, after all. Conceal your ex's social media updates, whether it's through changing your news feed settings or by unfollowing him entirely. Nothing will make your ex more unforgettable than having his day-to-day activities flash before your eyes like it’s the front page news. And most importantly, fade out of your ex's friends and family's lives. Unless of course you want to inevitably be invited to parties and events where you'd be forced to be in your ex's presence. If that's the case, then by all means, keep ‘em in your social circle.

2. Overwrite Tainted Pastimes with Friends and Family Maybe there's a favorite restaurant you frequented with your ex or a Netflix show you used to binge watch with him every weekend. Now you can't do any of those things without being triggered into a cringe fest of fragmented flashbacks. You could never give up Red Lobster and you’ll be damned if you’ll let a man spoil your viewing indulgences. So what’s a girl to do? Simple. Recondition your mind to associate those things with other people - in other words, overwrite your ex. Patronize that restaurant with people you adore – your friends and family. Find a new buddy to have those Netflix weekends with. After a while, you'll no longer associate the things you love with someone you can't stand. You can still enjoy those delicious Cheddar Bay biscuits and watch Chewing Gum without the putrid stench of your ex creeping back into the room.

3. Beat Bad Memories With Busy Work When do invasive thoughts occupy your mind the most? When you're sitting there not doing a damn thing. Don't allow your mind to drift! Who's got time to waste daydreaming about "what ifs" and "woulda, shoulda, couldas" when you're too busy using every second of your time to optimize your lifestyle? So when intrusive thoughts tap you on the shoulder for a visit, kindly tell them go kick rocks as you're too busy for nonsense today - and well - forever. Whether you're drowning in your own sweat at the gym or sinking your teeth in a new project at work, your hyper-focus on self-improvement will not only keep the undesirable memories at bay, but enhance your well-being. Win, win!

4. Stop Sleeping Til Too-Damn-Late A.M. Hovering in a haze of sleepless stupor, there's something about those wee hours of the morning that drag us into mindless online shopping splurges, regrettable text confessions - and of course - visits from the ghosts of our past. Don’t be one of those people who stares into space at 3 a.m., replaying the same ol' sorry scenes over and over again. Instead of staying up all night and having a flood of unwelcome memories deluge your mind, do your best to get tucked in at a reasonable hour. Right before drifting to sleep, engage your thoughts with a mind-stimulating activity - like reading a sci-fi novel  - to keep your mind occupied and hinder it from regressing into an unpleasant past.

5. Outshine Your Old Memories With New Exciting Ones If you’re stuck in a tedious hamster wheel cycle of wake up, go to work, go to sleep, repeat, well, of course flashbacks of your ex will resurface – they’re the most salient thoughts you’ve got stored in that underwhelming, monotonous memory bank of yours. Inundate your mind with meaningful memories. And I mean an abundance of gratifying, fulfilling experiences that are both rewarding and unforgettable – collect enough of these new exciting memories and your ex will be shoved so far back into your mind, you won’t even know he exists. Don't believe me? Check out this study published in Nature Neuroscience (h/t The Independent). Without getting too technical, we can kick bad memories to the curb by taking advantage of our brain's selective memory processes when we absorb new information. This means you can dim out meddlesome memories of your ex by outshining them - a good excuse to start booking exhilarating weekend getaways with friends! Kimberly Gedeon is a creative content connoisseur with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online. Say hello to her on Twitter @sweetenedcafe or Instagram @kimmiexsweetie. She doesn't bite ... much.

The post Mind Over Memories: How To Successfully Forget An Ex appeared first on MadameNoire.

The First Date Debate: Who Pays And How Should They?

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A friend started a discussion on social media surrounding the age-old topic of who pays for the first date.

Several women, many of whom were Millennials, commented that they don’t really care who pays. But a majority of those who partook in the conversation, including men, expressed that a man should always pay, especially for the first date. The latter somewhat surprised me, but I found that this logic is not uncommon. In fact, it’s pretty much standard.

couple on date who pays?

CNNMoney‘s Janet Lever, a professor of sociology at California State University, Los Angeles and David Frederick, an assistant professor of psychology at Chapman University, surveyed over 17,000 people while studying relationship trends for many years. Their research concluded that “over 75% of men report they still feel guilty accepting women’s money” when it comes to paying for the first date.

Now, this conversation seems to be more prevalent for people who are in the early stages of dating and who are not officially dating yet (because once you’re a couple, it doesn’t really matter who pays for what, as long as you’re alternating). I refrained from providing any comments on the aforementioned social media thread; however, I firmly believe that whoever asks for the date should pay. So if a woman asks a man out, even for the first date, she should foot the bill. It’s that simple.

Professor Frederick thinks that how a person pays for a date can determine the inner workings of a future relationship.

“How they decide to pay on a date can be a good signal of how they think men and women’s roles should work in the relationship,” he said.

How true is this though? Can the financial logistics of the first date really foreshadow a relationship? If so, that wasn’t the case for me when I entered into my first serious relationship.

During a first date to the movies with my high school boyfriend, I remember taking out my wallet from my purse upon being told the price for tickets. My then-boyfriend said quickly, “No, I got it. You don’t ever need to bring your wallet out when you’re with me.”

I was impressed. I was so impressed that I included this small bit of information when detailing the date with my mom and she, in turn, was impressed (perhaps she was more impressed due to his effort to take on such financial responsibilities at a young age). However, that was one of the few times that he actually offered to pay for anything. I mean, the dude didn’t have a job so I don’t know what made me think he could really keep paying for dates. We were in high school so my dating options were low, anyway. Nonetheless, I can’t help but think that his initial attempt to dole out money to cover the date was to impress me or exercise chivalry. It didn’t continue.

But that was high school. Many years later, people are still having conversations about who pays, but nowadays, it’s also a discussion about how you pay.

One woman was ridiculed for tweeting a few weeks ago, “If a dude uses Groupon on our date, I will kindly walk out.”

I could respect her opinion, but thought to myself, “If she has a problem with the ways in which a man pays for a date, then she should always be prepared to pay herself (although I’m sure that’s highly unlikely).” To me, this was a petty gripe that seemingly judges a man for wanting and knowing how to be frugal.

I say all that to state that the conversation continues, but with new technology, it changes. Not only is Groupon a part of the who pays and how do you pay discussion, but so is the new wave of online payment systems, including Paypal and Venmo, and the argument for going Dutch. With so much emphasis on the monetary aspect of dating, it’s no wonder people are having a harder time on the dating scene. It’s tough trying to focus on getting to know someone on a date when you’re worried about who is actually going to pay for it.

Who do you think should pay for the first date?

 

Image via WENN 

The post The First Date Debate: Who Pays And How Should They? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Laura Fitzpatrick Was 11 Years Old When She Documented The Great Migration Take A Look At The Pictures

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Gordon Parks, James Van Der Zee and now Laura Fitzpatrick. While you might be familiar with those first two famous, Black photographers, Fitzpatrick’s collection is just being discovered by the public and is going to be housed in the Smithsonian’s new African American Museum. The interesting thing about Fitzpatrick though is that she took her portraits in the 1930s and 40’s, starting when she was just 11-years-old. Her portfolio includes 500 photos from 1938-1948 in Williamsburg, Brooklyn right at the height of the Black migration from the south to the north. Fitzpatrick’s own family came from Alabama when she was 10. Her son, Dan Evans told CNN: “She took a lot of portraits of individuals and portraits of families. But then sometimes she would just catch people on the street. She lived in a tenement building in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn, on a street called Broadway, and they had a low roof. And she turned the rooftop into a photo studio.… My mother took it as a personal mission to become the historian for this time period because no one else had a camera.” Fitzpatrick took the photos throughout her life but never as many she did during that 10 year period. Check out a few of them on the following pages.

The post Laura Fitzpatrick Was 11 Years Old When She Documented The Great Migration Take A Look At The Pictures appeared first on MadameNoire.

10 Health Facts That Will Help You Drink More Water

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While we all know we should drink more water, it's easy for many us to forget to actually do it. With all of our responsibilities, we end going through the day without consuming water, and by the end, realize that we're feeling dehydrated. When we go out with friends, they want to buy drinks. And honestly, when you're not used to the taste of water, you might consume it less than you should. But the truth is, water is very, very good for you. It can improve your skin, your hair, and can aid in keeping you from experiencing depression and other health problems. But if you're still not sold, it might help to know the ins and outs of consuming more water. Here are 10 facts that you should know:

Tap Is Your Best Bet

According to reports, tap water is generally healthier for you in terms of chemical and microbiological purity than bottled water. Why? Because of bacterial contamination that has appeared in the plastic bottles of some brands of water.  

Forget Eight Cups, Go For Nine

According to the Institute of Medicine, we all should up our intake of water if possible. An adequate intake for men is three liters of water a day, which is 13 cups, while an adequate intake for women is 2.2 liters, which is about nine cups. But honestly, anything is better than a cup or two.

Drinking Water Before You Eat Can Help You Drop Pounds

Studies have found that drinking water before you consume a meal can help you scarf down fewer calories when you eat. Water can provide a feeling of fullness that helps to curb your hunger faster.  

Carry Water With You

A bottle of water in your bag provides you with easy access to H2o when you're on the go. When you're running errands or busy at work, you don't have the chance to fill up a jug of water like you could at home. But consuming any water is better than going through the day without.

Depression and Dehydration Are Linked

Studies have shown that even mild forms of dehydration can warp your mood, tank your energy levels and impact your thinking. drink water

Fruit Goes a Long Way

Don't enjoy drinking water? While it is refreshing, it doesn't really have a taste to some. Adding lime or lemon juice can improve the taste big time and make your water even more invigorating. water

What's The Most You Can Drink in a Day?

Reportedly, a healthy person can consume about three gallons of water in a day, which is equivalent to 48 cups. Good luck with that... cyclic vomiting syndrome, stomach ache, cramps

You Can Drink Too Much Water

Water intoxication is a real thing, and it often happens in situations where people are taking part in an intense physical activity. It happens when too much water in your system ends up diluting the sodium level in one's bloodstream. In turn, an imbalance of water in the brain occurs.

People With Certain Conditions Shouldn't Drink Too Much Water

According to the experts, people with heart conditions, kidney problems, high blood pressure or an edema (a swelling, particularly in the lower legs in this case) should decrease the amount of water they drink in a day.  At the very least, they should not increase their water intake by too much. Excess water can put people at risk for health complications due to their conditions. water

Millions of People Don't Have Access to Clean Water

According to DoSomething.org, 768 million people across the world lack access to good drinking water. Don't take for granted what you have. Get to drinking!   Images via Shutterstock/Bigstock

The post 10 Health Facts That Will Help You Drink More Water appeared first on MadameNoire.

McDonald’s Free Concert Series, The Inspiration Celebration Gospel Tour, Heads To 15 Cities

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McDonald’s Gospel Tour is now readying for its 11th year. The free concert series, Inspiration Celebration Gospel Tour, has an impressive lineup for 2017: multi-award winner Tye Tribbett,  music director and songwriter Donald Lawrence, legendary pastor and singer Bishop Paul S. Morton, singer-songwriter Brian Courtney Wilson, singer Anita Wilson, recording artist Jekalyn Carr, and renowned quartet voice Paul Porter will all be singing praises together for the summer event. Christian comedian Small Fire also returns along with gospel artist Lonnie Hunter, who resumes hosting duties. In select cities, well-known gospel singer and pastor Hezekiah Walker will also join the tour which starts May 10 and runs through October 21.

The multi-city tour will make stops in 15 markets, including: Atlanta, Birmingham, Charlotte, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Greensboro, Jackson, Los Angeles, Memphis, New Orleans, Philadelphia, Raleigh, St. Louis and Washington, D.C.

“To hear about this tour over the years and to now be a part of it is truly amazing. I’m so honored,” said Tye Tribbett, one of gospel tour’s energetic artists, in a press statement. “Not only will I be joining so many of my favorite gospel peers, but together we’ll get a chance to uplift attendees across the nation while supporting Ronald McDonald House Charities. I’m ready for a good time filled with love and inspiration!”

McDonald’s Inspiration Celebration Gospel Tour is centered around giving back to the community and supporting Ronald McDonald House Charities which assist families with silk children. Since 2012, the tour has brought in $510,500, enough to offer more than 6,300 nights at Ronald McDonald Houses nationwide.

“For over a decade, the brand has had the opportunity to touch so many communities through inspirational music and laughter. We are so excited to raise the bar and bring this one-of-a-kind experience to three additional markets in 2017 ,” said Angie Blissett, Marketing Director of McDonald’s USA. “Not only is there an amazing lineup of performers but the tour will continue to raise donations for RMHC benefiting families in need.”

McDonald’s Inspiration Celebration Gospel Tour is an extension of the company’s 365Black platform, which is an initiative that promotes the achievements of African-Americans.

For a free ticket and full list of cities and concert dates, visit www.365Black.com.

The post McDonald’s Free Concert Series, The Inspiration Celebration Gospel Tour, Heads To 15 Cities appeared first on MadameNoire.

Things Every Woman Wishes Her Man Kept In His Apartment

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[caption id="attachment_824837" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/young attractive african american man sitting at home living room working with laptop computer and paperwork looking stressed and desperate maybe studying for exam in education concept[/caption] Male apartments aren’t always very female-friendly, and when you start spending a lot of time with a guy and begin sleeping at his place more than not, you can start to miss some of the amenities of your own space. You find yourself at brunch with your makeup only partially done wearing yesterday’s underwear because, quite frankly, you just can’t prepare for the day the way you need to at your boo’s place. If you’re a guy who wants a woman to be a repeat visitor then you should know; here are things women wish men kept at their place. [caption id="attachment_711684" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Um…food!

Most men I know have beer, condiments and maybe some chips. Their eating habits consist of waiting until they’re starving, ordering delivery then, eating everything, and then waiting until they’re starving again. But a woman needs snacks.         [caption id="attachment_706971" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Backup toilet paper

You should always have at least four roles at all times. If you just have one role, then your poor girlfriend will be rationing off TP every time she pees for fear of leaving you with none when you need to handle serious business.    

[caption id="attachment_693324" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Good mirrors

The mirror on the medicine cabinet, which is caked in months of toothpaste and only shows our boobs to our forehead, won’t cut it.         [caption id="attachment_710912" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

A trash can in your bathroom

Women produce a good amount of trash in the bathroom. We need somewhere to throw the wrappers of our disposable razers, somewhere to shake off our blush brush, and somewhere to throw (hello!) tampons! Don’t make us walk to the kitchen to throw away our tampons. [caption id="attachment_608916" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Organized soap

It seems like men just use a nondescript bar of soap for…everything. Are we supposed to put this bar on our face when you put it who knows where? How do men live with a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo alone? [caption id="attachment_720626" align="alignleft" width="490"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Tissues

Hey, we cry when we watch movies, okay? So if you’re going to force us to watch this war documentary you’re so set on, then you need to put tissues nearby. And a trashcan for those tissues. [caption id="attachment_705342" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

More evolved cookware

How are we supposed to make you dinner if you don’t even have a cutting board? Oh, you cut your vegetables on a plate. Great. That’s probably why you’ve broken half of your plates.   [caption id="attachment_618197" align="alignleft" width="426"] Shutterstock[/caption]

More places to hang things

If you want to know why our clothes end up in your lazyboy, it’s because that is the only item in the room beside the bed and the floor. Would it kill you to put some hanging hooks over the back of the door?   [caption id="attachment_700393" align="alignleft" width="468"] Shutterstock[/caption]

A bedside trash can

You know, for things like condom wrappers and empty lube bottles. And candy wrappers for the treats we eat in bed. Trash accumulates in the bed so just…put a trash bin near it. [caption id="attachment_714417" align="alignleft" width="380"] Shutterstock[/caption]

A hair brush

Believe it or not, a lot of men don’t brush their hair. They have short hair, so they don’t think they need to brush it (they’re wrong). But that doesn’t change the fact that when we sleep over, and you want to take us to brunch, we go out with a nest on our heads.     [caption id="attachment_697224" align="alignleft" width="468"] Shutterstock.com/Wine decanter[/caption]

Wine glasses

Do we have to drink wine out of your college mug? We’re trying to have a romantic evening here.       [caption id="attachment_608908" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

More than one towel

First off, men should have more than one towel for themselves, so they don’t wipe their a-- and face with the same one. Second off, what are their lady visitors supposed to do when the one towel is damp? [caption id="attachment_613292" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

An iron or steamer

I’m not sure why, but men don’t seem to worry about wrinkles. So when their female friend wants to get the wrinkles out of last night’s dress for this morning’s breakfast, she’s out of luck. [caption id="attachment_614099" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Coffee maker

A decent amount of men I know get their coffee at a coffee shop every day. That is a waste of money, but furthermore, some people (like women) don’t like to leave the house until they’ve had their coffee. We can’t even draw our eyeliner on straight without coffee. [caption id="attachment_617160" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Shutterstock[/caption]

A shoe rack

If you want your dates to take their heels off so as not to disturb the downstairs neighbors, give them somewhere to put their heels. And no, the pile of shoes already on the floor is not that place. [caption id="attachment_713130" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Some alcohol variety

If you’re over the age of 25, then it is time for you to keep a full-stocked bar (or at least a partially stocked bar.) Oh, and partially stocked doesn’t mean two different types of beer.   [caption id="attachment_712903" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Air freshener

Sir, you may have a high tolerance for the smells you create in the bathroom, but your date doesn’t. In addition to that, she may need to cover up some of her own smells.     [caption id="attachment_702712" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

A real dining table

Just because you don’t have a dining room doesn’t mean that the couch and the coffee table should be your dining table.         [caption id="attachment_711683" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Things on the walls

Sometimes a man’s apartment can feel a bit like the psych ward of a hospital because there is nothing on the walls except the crude drawing his college buddy made him.       [caption id="attachment_701787" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Somewhere for guests to sit

At the moment, you have one couch and one lazyboy chair. That’s great if you just have your girlfriend over but what if she was hoping you could have a few friends over? Now people are sitting on the floor.

The post Things Every Woman Wishes Her Man Kept In His Apartment appeared first on MadameNoire.


Things People Say When You Start Meditating

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[caption id="attachment_826462" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Young afro american woman meditating. Sport meditation healthy lifestyle concept.[/caption] For some reason, there is a bit of a stigma around meditation. The Western world has been slow to pick up more holistic forms of healing, but if we’ve managed to take a liking to Chinese herbs, yoga, and acupuncture, then why can’t we accept meditation as a legitimate practice? If you’re getting into meditation, then you can probably already see how it can truly change your life. And when you find something that can change your life, you want to tell everybody about it! But don’t be surprised if you get a little pushback from your friends—especially those who depend mostly on medication to calm their mind. Hey, they mean well. They just aren’t woke yet! Here are things people will say when you start meditating.   [caption id="attachment_699584" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You’re having a crisis, aren’t you?

People automatically assume that if you start meditating, that you’re having a life crisis. Meditation can be seen as equivalent to self-help books. But meditation isn’t a one-time fix; it’s a daily practice and a healthy lifestyle choice. You can and should meditate in good and bad times.       [caption id="attachment_710565" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Can you levitate, too?

Some people may tease you, and start asking you things like “Do you levitate” and “Do you travel through time?” If you’ve been meditating, then you should be in a nice Zen state to laugh these questions off.           [caption id="attachment_613921" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

I just drink alcohol instead

A few friends may joke that alcohol does the same thing for them that meditation does for you. Meanwhile, you know that alcohol actually pulls them further away from their subconscious mind, and is just a band aid. [caption id="attachment_621822" align="alignleft" width="420"]Half Of Your "Friends" Don't Consider You A Friend Corbis[/caption]

Are you going all hippie on us?

When Americans started doing yoga and getting acupuncture, there was a large group of us that saw that as “Hippie stuff.” Now CEOs on Wall Street swear by yoga for stress-relief and physicians will recommend acupuncture. People are just taking a little longer to accept meditation.       [caption id="attachment_608142" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis[/caption]

Is this a cult thing?

Do they see you wearing all white? Are you talking about “going pure?” Do you have some charismatic man you’re paying thousands of dollars to “save you?” Nah. You’re just lying down in your room and doing some deep breathing.         [caption id="attachment_607271" align="alignleft" width="462"] Corbis[/caption]

You’re just running from your problems

Actually, meditation helps you face your problems head-on. People who meditate are quite brave because they’re willing to access memories, feelings, and beliefs they have mostly suppressed because they’re scary.     [caption id="attachment_717981" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Are you super religious now?

You don’t have to be a Buddhist to meditate. Some people have a hard time accepting that meditation doesn’t have to be associated with some new group or religion—it is something you can do solely on your own.         [caption id="attachment_616118" align="alignleft" width="414"] Shutterstock[/caption]

I need to stay alert so I can’t meditate

This is a silly sentence because meditation actually makes you more alert than ever! Sure, during actual meditation, your eyes are closed, but after meditation, you are more in tune with how the world affects your behaviors, and you are more in control of your responses.       [caption id="attachment_626109" align="alignleft" width="419"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

So, you’re into hypnosis now

No, but hypnosis does have its own benefits, too. Many people confuse hypnosis and meditation or see them as one and the same.           [caption id="attachment_699419" align="alignleft" width="469"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You think you’re better than us now

Any time you do anything to better yourself, whether that is quitting alcohol or going to the gym, some people will assume you think you’re better than them. These are usually the people who are too afraid to start bettering themselves.           [caption id="attachment_708390" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Why don’t you just see a therapist?

Therapists certainly serve an important function, but they can take a lot longer than meditation can to access your suppressed thoughts, memories, beliefs and feelings. Plus, therapists are expensive.         [caption id="attachment_694313" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You can talk to me, you know

That’s a very sweet thing for your friend to say. But, again, like with a therapist, you have to be fully in your conscious mind to have a conversation, and you can’t access all of your more guarded, secret thoughts there.         [caption id="attachment_695505" align="alignleft" width="500"]woman upset, staring, angry Shutterstock[/caption]

Don’t try to recruit me

Again, this is not a cult! Some people may, deep down, know that they are suppressing certain thoughts, and are afraid of meditation for that very reason. They might project that fear onto you, and tell you not to recruit them.       [caption id="attachment_717207" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Meditation isn’t real—it’s like magic

Actually, real scientific processes take place in the brain during meditation. We know that, for example, when we sleep, we access parts of our brain that we don’t access when we’re awake. So why is it so hard to believe that we can do that through meditation?       [caption id="attachment_700393" align="alignleft" width="468"] Shutterstock[/caption]

I don’t have time for that

Really, you don’t have time not to. You may give 20 minutes a day to meditation, but you’ll gain years of your life because you’ll find more efficient ways to communicate, and you’ll learn what you really want.

The post Things People Say When You Start Meditating appeared first on MadameNoire.

How I Grew My Natural Hair One Inch In Just 24 Hours

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Hi, I’m Kim, and I am about to conduct a natural hair experiment that will blow your freakin’ mind.

You see this 4C hair?

Grew My Natural Hair

I’ve been natural since 2012, nurturing it under “protective styles” all those YouTube hair gurus like to yap about. But while everyone else’s hair seems to grow to their damn feet in like six months, I’ve barely reached bar strap length in five years.

What gives?

Just when I was beginning to lose hope, I stumbled upon ItsKnotSoEasy’s video entitled, “How to Grow Your Hair Overnight! 1 Inch in 1 Day !!!”

I know. My reaction was the same as yours: “A whole inch in one day? GTFO that’s impossible!”

But ItsKnotSoEasy shut me the hell up when her hair did, in fact, grow an extra inch overnight right before my very eyes. “What the hell kind of witchcraft is this?” I wondered. Of course, with my hair growing slower than a turtle trudging through molasses, I had to give this sorcery a try.

What You’ll Need:

  • Two eggs
  • 4 tablespoons of pure grapeseed oil
  • 6 tablespoons of pure coconut oil

Side note: I’m not excited about the eggs in this recipe. I really don’t like the thought of gooey yolks in my hair. Shudder.

My Starting Point

Alright, seems like my hair almost reaches the five-inch mark on my tee. Far from impressive.

Step One: Prep The Magic Concoction

Add the grapeseed oil to the eggs and mix it up good. Leave the coconut oil aside for now.

Step Two: Slap This Crap Onto Your Hair

As you can see, I am not particularly thrilled about pouring this gunk onto my head. By the way, this stuff is no yolk! It’s super messy. This is a get-your-newspapers-on-the-floor type of hair treatment. If you’re cheap like me, yet resourceful, make a DIY smock for yourself by grabbing a garbage bag and poking three holes in that bad boy.

Step Three: Massage Your Scalp

After you smother your hair with this stuff, you’ve got to massage your scalp. ItsKnotSoEasy uses a scalp brush, but why spend money on that thing when I can use my fingers – for free?

Step Four: Trap Your Hair In Your Own Body Heat for An Hour

ItsKnotSoEasy uses saran wrap followed by two plastic caps. I do not have saran wrap nor two plastic caps, and I refuse to buy any. So, therefore, I will use a grocery bag and a slouchy beanie. Do I look absolutely ridiculous? Yes. But at least there’s a body heat party goin’ on all up in my head to really get this stuff to do its magic. Boom!

After waiting 60 minutes, we get to rinse this stuff out. Hallelujah.

Step Five: Coat Your Hair With Coconut Oil and Go to Bed

Repeat the same steps as above. Coat your hair, cover it up with a plastic bag, and give yourself a scalp massage. But this time, leave the coconut oil on ’til the morning and wash it out when you wake up.

The Results

Did it grow an inch? Oh the suspense is killing me!

I made my ‘fro grow y’all!

The Before and After:

I cannot believe my eyes. It worked!

Now before you go nuts thinking you can use this treatment every day for seven days and get seven inches of growth – not so fast!

Eggs have protein in it, so if you put too much of this stuff in your hair, your delicate natural hair tresses will become brittle and dry. Yikes. Doing this once a month is more feasible.

Now you guys try it and let us know how it works for you!

Kimberly Gedeon is a creative content connoisseur with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online. Say hello to her on Twitter @sweetenedcafe or Instagram @kimmiexsweetie. She doesn’t bite … much.

The post How I Grew My Natural Hair One Inch In Just 24 Hours appeared first on MadameNoire.

Signature Style Watch: Shonda Rhimes Is Easter Sunday Fresh Every Day Of The Week

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[caption id="attachment_825448" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] WENN[/caption] You know how some people have a signature style? Well, we just figured out what Shonda Rhimes' is -- cardigans and floral. The screenwriter, producer, and author has been on the scene more than ever since her "Year of Yes," and we happened to notice she has a soft spot for a-line dresses and cardigans. The 47-year-old has been spotted rocking the look everywhere from late night talk shows to galas, luncheons, and even award shows. And while some might argue the look is boring, we say when you know what works for you, go for it! Now is the perfect time to break out the floral patterns, and a cardigan is exactly what you need for cool spring nights. And don't forget Easter is right around the corner. If you don't already have your Sunday's best, Shonda just might inspire you. Check out her best looks. [caption id="attachment_825439" align="aligncenter" width="700"] Essence 10th Annual Black Women in Hollywood Awards Gala at the Beverly Wilshire Four Seasons Hotel
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes
Where: Beverly Hills, California, United States
When: 23 Feb 2017
Credit: WENN.com[/caption] [caption id="attachment_825440" align="aligncenter" width="700"] 9th Annual Essence Black Women In Hollywood Luncheon 2016 held at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes
Where: Los Angeles, California, United States
When: 25 Feb 2016
Credit: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com[/caption] [caption id="attachment_825441" align="aligncenter" width="700"] ABC Upfront Presentation 2015 - Red Carpet Arrivals
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes
Where: New York City, New York, United States
When: 12 May 2015
Credit: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com[/caption] [caption id="attachment_825442" align="aligncenter" width="700"] Celebrities attend 33rd annual PaleyFest Los Angeles 'Scandal' at The Dolby Theater.
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes
Where: Los Angeles, California, United States
When: 15 Mar 2016
Credit: Brian To/WENN.com[/caption] [caption id="attachment_825443" align="aligncenter" width="700"] 27th Annual Producers Guild Awards
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes
Where: Century City, California, United States
When: 24 Jan 2016
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com[/caption] [caption id="attachment_825444" align="aligncenter" width="700"] ABC's TGIT premiere event - Arrivals
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes, Ellen Pompeo
Where: West Hollywood, California, United States
When: 26 Sep 2015
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com[/caption] [caption id="attachment_825445" align="aligncenter" width="700"] BET Black Girls Rock! 2016 at New Jersey Performing Arts Center - Arrivals
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes
Where: Newark, New Jersey, United States
When: 01 Apr 2016
Credit: WENN.com
**Only available for publication in UK, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Australia. No Internet Use. Not available for Subscribers**[/caption] [caption id="attachment_825446" align="aligncenter" width="700"] Entertainment Weekly And PEOPLE Celebrate The New York Upfronts - Arrivals
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes
Where: Manhattan, New York, United States
When: 11 May 2015
Credit: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com[/caption] [caption id="attachment_825447" align="aligncenter" width="700"] 'Freeze Frame' Gala and Architects of Change - Arrivals
Featuring: Shonda Rhimes
Where: Beverly Hills, California, United States
When: 04 Feb 2016
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com[/caption]  

The post Signature Style Watch: Shonda Rhimes Is Easter Sunday Fresh Every Day Of The Week appeared first on MadameNoire.

Tiny Addresses T.I.’s “Distraction” Comments In Recent Instagram Post

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TI and Tiny

T.I. made headlines all over the internet when he told Angie Martinez that he viewed marriage, specifically his marriage, as a distraction, a deterrent to his goals and ultimate purpose in life. For those of you who missed it, the currently married rapper, said:

“It’s just the truth. Ultimately man, I’m on a mission. I’m striving to take my family, its name and our legacy as far and high as it can possibly go. And in my life there will be two different things. There will be people, places and things that help me get there. And there will be people, places and things that distract and deter me from getting there. It seems to me that marriage and what marriage means and what marriage does–it’s just one of those things that’s going to distract and deter me. And that could be selfish, but ultimately, I’m the patriarch of this family. And it’s my responsibility to take us onward and upward. And that’s what I intend to do. I just have a purpose and I don’t always have the time to do the thoughtful, considerate things that a husband should do. Me knowing that about myself–knowing I’m not going to deter myself from my plan. I’m going to move. And whoever move with me, they coming with me. And whoever don’t move, I’ll be back.”

Up until now, with the exception of cosigning statuses from her friends and going back and forth with Bernice Burgos, Tiny hasn’t spoken about the possible divorce.

But a new clip, created by @jstlbby, who I tried to tell y’all about last month, Tiny seems to be issuing a very direct response to her estranged husband.

 

And I’m good…🙏🏽👑

A post shared by Majorgirl (@majorgirl) on

Well, there you have it.

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.

The post Tiny Addresses T.I.’s “Distraction” Comments In Recent Instagram Post appeared first on MadameNoire.

Ladies Of A Certain Age Who Stay Fly On The Red Carpet

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Every award show you can pretty much guess who some of the most talked about women will be on the red carpet. But while the young starlets capture all the attention, commentators and viewers are sleeping on the women over 60 who are giving young actresses a run for their money. We already know there's something special about the confidence of an older women, and most times we think of those over 60 as regal, which these ladies are. But the women on this list are also downright sexy, with bodies some of us didn't even have in our 20s and 30s with fabulous style to match. Check out our best-dressed women over 60 list and tell us whose looks you adore most. [caption id="attachment_825453" align="aligncenter" width="700"] 48th NAACP Image Awards held at Pasadena Conference Center - Arrivals
Featuring: Lynn Whitfield
Where: Los Angeles, California, United States
When: 11 Feb 2017
Credit: WENN.com[/caption]

Lynn Whitfield

[caption id="attachment_825454" align="aligncenter" width="700"] Opening night of 'The Color Purple' at The Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre
Featuring: Margaret Avery
Where: New York, New York, United States
When: 10 Dec 2015
Credit: WENN.com
**Only available for publication in UK, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Australia. No Internet Use. Not available for Subscribers**[/caption]

Margaret Avery

[caption id="attachment_825455" align="aligncenter" width="700"] Celebrities and guests arrive at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts
Featuring: Debbie Allen, Phylicia Rashad
Where: Washington, District Of Columbia, United States
When: 04 Dec 2016
Credit: WENN.com[/caption]

Phylicia Rashad and Debbie Allen

[caption id="attachment_825456" align="aligncenter" width="700"] 2016 American Theatre Wing Gala honoring Cicely Tyson, held at the Plaza Hotel - Arrivals.
Featuring: Cicely Tyson
Where: New York, New York, United States
When: 27 Sep 2016
Credit: Joseph Marzullo/WENN.com
**No Contact Music**[/caption]

Cicely Tyson

[caption id="attachment_825457" align="aligncenter" width="700"] Diahann Carroll
Women in Film 2012 Crystal + Lucy Awards, held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel - Arrivals
Beverly Hills, California - 12.06.12
Featuring: Diahann Carroll
Where: California, United States
When: 12 Jun 2012
Credit: WENN[/caption]

Diahann Carroll

[caption id="attachment_825458" align="aligncenter" width="700"] NBC Universal Summer Press Day 2017 at the Beverly Hilton Hotel - Arrivals
Featuring: Loretta Devine
Where: Beverly Hills, California, United States
When: 20 Mar 2017
Credit: Nicky Nelson/WENN.com[/caption]

Loretta Devine

[caption id="attachment_825459" align="aligncenter" width="700"] HollyRod Presents 18th Annual DesignCare at the Sugar Ray Leonard's Estate on July 16, 2016 in Pacific Palisades, CA
Featuring: Vanessa Bell Calloway
Where: Pacific Palisades, California, United States
When: 17 Jul 2016
Credit: Nicky Nelson/WENN.com[/caption]

Vanessa Bell Calloway

[caption id="attachment_825460" align="aligncenter" width="700"] Netflix's Rebels and Rule Breakers Luncheon and panel celebrating the women of Netflix
Featuring: Jane Fonda
Where: Beverly Hills, California, United States
When: 14 May 2016
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com[/caption]

Jane Fonda

[caption id="attachment_825461" align="aligncenter" width="700"] 28th Annual GLAAD Media Awards - Arrivals
Featuring: Judith Light
Where: Beverly Hills, California, United States
When: 01 Apr 2017
Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com[/caption]

Judith Light

The post Ladies Of A Certain Age Who Stay Fly On The Red Carpet appeared first on MadameNoire.

Give The Treadmill A Break: 10 Reasons You Need To Get Into Strength Training

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Let me start off by saying that any physical activity that you partake in is something to be proud of. Being active requires a lot of time and energy, and while many people don't try to make the time or muster up the energy to get moving, you've been doing that. Bravo! However, it's time to switch things up. If you're only doing cardio every time you step in the gym, you're doing yourself a disservice. This is especially true if you're trying to lose weight but won't do strength training. The more muscle, the more calories you can burn. And not just that, but building muscle can aid you in maintaining your strength as you get older, which is vital to your health as those years go by. Don't let the intimidation of the weight room hold you back, sis. Check out 10 reasons you should make a beeline for the weights and give strength training a try next time you're in the gym.

women strength training

The More Muscles You Have, the More Calories You Burn

As it turns out, an increase in muscle tissue increases your basal metabolic rate. Your BMR is the rate at which your body uses energy while at rest. And, as you probably know, the faster your metabolism, the more calories you burn. So, according to the American Council on Exercise, as your muscle mass increases, the more calories you're burning at rest, which helps you keep your weight down.

You Won't Get "Too Muscular"

The major misconception many women have is that doing any strength training will put you on the road to looking like a female version of The Rock. But the truth is, you will only get as muscular as you want. For those of us who aren't looking to compete in bodybuilding competitions, and instead, just tone, you should know that the high levels of estrogen in our bodies, as women, keeps us from producing very large muscles. Expect an increase in muscle tone, your endurance levels and your strength (those bags of groceries won't even make you weary). But don't expect an alarming increase in your size. It ain't happening, sis.
 squat variations

The Stronger You Get, the More Likely You Will Avoid Injury

According to the experts, muscle protects your joints from injury and helps to greatly improve your balance and coordination. The less muscle, the less balance and coordination, and the higher the likelihood of your clumsy behind finding yourself somewhere nursing an injury.
strength training

The Older You Get, the More You Need to Strength Train

Not only has it helped 51-year-old beauty Elise Neal stay flawless, as strength training is her go-to form of exercise these days, but strength training also keeps you feeling better as you get older. According to the CDC, as we get older, we lose a lot of muscle, making activities of daily living more complicated. Walking for more than a few minutes becomes a pain, climbing stairs causes you to breathe heavily and you just have less energy and strength than you used to. But strength training has been proven, through studies, to curb "the weakness and frailty that can come with age." Strong bones and strong muscles equals a stronger you. strength training

Strength Training Helps You to Better Deal With Different Disorders

The CDC says that if you have diabetes, it helps you with glycemic control. Have arthritis? It helps to curb the stiffness and pain. Pesky back pain? Strength training reduces stress on your spine by strengthing the ab and back muscles. Obese? As we previously talked about, the increase in metabolism helps you burn more calories and lose weight. The impact building muscle has on these issues, as well as osteoporosis, heart disease and many other conditions, can not be overemphasized. woman exercising, fast workouts

You Don't Always Have to Use Weights

Another misconception is that to do strength training you have to be on your back getting spotted or trying to make it work with dumbbells at all times. Don't forget about body weight! Using it as resistance is a great way to build muscle. Crunches for the abdominal muscles, pushups for the arms (and core) and wall sits for the legs are just a few bodyweight moves that will help you increase your muscular strength without equipment. Check out 47 others.

Switch it Up

You can rely on bodyweight moves, but switching up your modes of strength training keeps your body guessing and helps you keep up the progress. So do bodyweights one day, check out the machines the next time, pick up a pair of dumbbells or a kettlebell another time, and throw around a medicine ball after that. strength training

A Barbell Is Your Friend

People sleep on barbells, but as Women's Health pointed out, because of their length, barbells can take a lot of pressure off of your hands, wrists and the forearms, which are heavily utilized during sessions with dumbbells. Plus, you can lift more weight than usual using a barbell since it's spread out and you have two hands supporting one piece of equipment.

Muscle Won't Turn Into Fat

As Alexander Koch, Ph.D., told Women's Health, if you take an extended break from strength training, the muscles you've worked hard to build won't become fat. However, if you lose muscle mass, you will burn less calories and whatever food energy that's left behind can then become fat.

Don't Worry About the Scale

While building muscle can you help you tone up and feel leaner, that doesn't mean that over time, as you do it consistently, that you will necessarily continue to see a drop in your weight. In fact, the scale may not even budge at a certain point or may even go up a little to account for all of the muscle you've built. But a scale number isn't as definitive as the muscle tone you will see, the looser your clothing will be and the overall increase in strength you will feel.   Images via Bigstock 

The post Give The Treadmill A Break: 10 Reasons You Need To Get Into Strength Training appeared first on MadameNoire.

6 Trendy Travel Toiletry Bags You Can Take Anywhere

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Organizing my toiletries is always the hardest part of packing. Most women these days are product junkies and it can be painful to leave some of the favorite items in our beauty regimens behind just because of TSA regulations — or because we don’t have anywhere to put them.

Not all toiletry bags are created equal, but when it comes to the options below, we’re sure at least one will suit your needs. Whether you’re tugging along a handful of product minis, want a bag you can carry in your hand with pride, need separate compartments for your face and hair products, or want to toss everything in one sack, there’s a toiletry bag below with your products and price point in mind.

Kate Spade shore street lita-$99

Sophia Joy Tropical Prep Double Zip Train Case Cosmetic Bag-$24.99

Mirror Mirror “Hello Sunshine” Hanging Cosmetic Bag-$12

Vera Bradley Ditty Bag-$28

SAKROOTS Artist Circle Critter Travel Case-$40

Henri Bendel Brown and White Hanging Cosmetic Case-$15

The post 6 Trendy Travel Toiletry Bags You Can Take Anywhere appeared first on MadameNoire.


No Comparison: Why Dr. Dao And Rosa Parks Are Not The Same

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    Up until now, we hadn’t reported on the United Airlines debacle. For those of you who have somehow managed to avoid the news, it all happened when Dr. Dao was asked to give up his seat on a flight. Dao had somewhere to be and refused. For those who haven’t seen the video, he was forcibly removed from his seat before he was dragged down the aisle. During the altercation, his face was bloodied. Heinous stuff. If I’m being completely honest, it didn’t directly or adjacently involve a Black woman and I’m waiting for the day when other communities stand up and speak out against the injustices that take place in our community, that are very similar to this one. So no, it didn’t involve Black women…until it did. In a press conference, Dao’s attorney, Thomas Demetrio said the unthinkable when he compared Dao’s predicament to that of Rosa Parks. According to the USA Today, ”Dr. Dao, I believe to his great credit, has come to understand that he is the guy, the guy to stand up for all passengers going forward," lawyer Thomas Demetrio said during a news conference Thursday. Demetrio said someone emailed him that Dao refusing to give up his seat made him the “Asian version of Rosa Parks," but he added that he didn't think what happened to Dao was racially motivated and could have happened to anyone. In case you don’t understand why this comparison is problematic and a cheapening of Rosa Park’s legacy, take a look at the following slides to figure out why. First, there is Rosa Parks' niece herself who is not with any of it. She said, “What Dr. Dao is going to do is probably change the policy of United Airlines, but actually, what my aunt did was change history,” See what she had to say to TMZ in the video above. And for the most thorough break down.

The post No Comparison: Why Dr. Dao And Rosa Parks Are Not The Same appeared first on MadameNoire.

Surprising Foods That Mess With Your Gut In A Not So Good Way

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[caption id="attachment_825105" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Young african american woman having a relaxing breakfast in bed healthy lifestyle[/caption] If you live with digestive issues, I feel your pain. You’ve probably been on a wild goose chase all of your life trying to find the cause of your issues. One doctor tells you to take this product, while another tells you that said product can make matters worse in some people. Well, which people?! “Only your body can tell you that,” says the doctor. That’s helpful…not! We know certain foods, in general, are good for one’s digestion, like whole grains, leafy greens, kombucha, lots of water and olive oil. But some “good gut” foods only really help when you have a good gut, to begin with. If you have a weak stomach and a poor digestive system, foods that help others may harm you. Here are surprising foods that mess with your gut. We know certain foods, in general, are good for one’s digestion, like whole grains, leafy greens, kombucha, lots of water and olive oil. But some “good gut” foods only really help when you have a good gut to begin with. If you have a weak stomach and a poor digestive system, foods that help others may harm you. Here are surprising foods that mess with your gut. [caption id="attachment_825470" align="aligncenter" width="900"] Top view on homemade Kombucha with fruits[/caption]

Kombucha

Kombucha’s entire marketing campaign is about the fact that it puts healthy bacteria into your gut, but that bacteria can cause too much activity in your tummy, which can lead to bloating. [caption id="attachment_712915" align="alignleft" width="500"] shutterstock[/caption]

Mushrooms

Many people with digestive issues have a difficult time processing the cell walls of mushrooms. These can quickly lead to bloating, constipation or diarrhea.       [caption id="attachment_702295" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Garlic

Garlic has a lot of great properties; it can boost your immune system and help you fight off illness. However, it contains sulfur, which is hard to digest, even for individuals who don’t have stomach problems.           [caption id="attachment_717964" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Onions

Onions also contain sulfur. How’s a person supposed to flavor their foods without onions and garlic? Celery salt, parsley, vinegar and sesame oil are, fortunately, low in sulfur.           [caption id="attachment_707042" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Broccoli

While broccoli is very healthy for other reasons, it can irritate digestive issues. Only consume it in small amounts (less than half a cup a day), or you can face bloating, gas and constipation or diarrhea.           [caption id="attachment_825106" align="alignleft" width="420"] Bigstockphoto.com/Raw red cabbage chopped on wooden board photographed with natural light (Selective Focus Focus one third into the red cabbage)[/caption]

Cabbage

This food pulls water into the intestinal tract, rather than pushing water into the colon where we want it. It’s also a cruciferous vegetable that can cause gas and bloat.             [caption id="attachment_707610" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Energy bars

Energy bars can make great, low-calorie meal replacements but they contain sugar alcohols, which are difficult to digest. Energy bars often cause constipation and stomach pain.             [caption id="attachment_713789" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Produce peel

The peel of vegetables can be difficult to digest, so make sure you peel things like bell peppers, eggplant, potatoes, and cucumbers before eating them.             [caption id="attachment_825107" align="alignleft" width="420"] Bigstockphoto.com/Nuts mix in a wooden plate[/caption]

Nuts

Nuts move through you slowly—a reason dieters love them because they keep you full for a long time—but this sluggish process can cause gas in those with digestive issues. Nuts are also high in fats, which can be hard to digest.         [caption id="attachment_700518" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Artificial sweetener

Your body does not recognize artificial sweetener—not even the ones that claim to be healthy. And while it seems so innocent in its tiny packet, even a small amount can upset your stomach.           [caption id="attachment_697730" align="alignleft" width="468"] Shutterstock.com/Kimchi[/caption]

Kimchi

Kimchi can help digestion in some, but hurt it in others. This fermented food contains histamine, something some people have too much of and that can cause bloating and diarrhea.             [caption id="attachment_710914" align="alignleft" width="421"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Apples and pears

While these foods are high in fiber, they are also high in FODMAPs—something you should research immediately if you’ve struggled with chronic digestive issues. When you want a quick fruit snack, grab berries, mango or a banana.           [caption id="attachment_726895" align="alignleft" width="765"] Shutterstock.com/Bread crumbs[/caption]

Any flour

Even whole grain flour has been stripped of fiber. Once a grain has been turned into flour, it’s been processed and isn’t nearly as nutritious as the original whole grain. So eat quinoa instead of quinoa flour, brown rice instead of brown rice flour—you get the picture. [caption id="attachment_716700" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Beans

Beans are another food high in healthy fiber but also high in problematic FODMAPs, which is why many people need to make emergency trips to the bathroom after consuming them.           [caption id="attachment_695129" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Liquids

Staying properly hydrated can alleviate all forms of digestive issues! But not if you drink with your meals. Your body processes liquids and solids differently and to put it simply; it just becomes confused if it has to do both at once. Drink liquids at least a half an hour away from consuming food.

The post Surprising Foods That Mess With Your Gut In A Not So Good Way appeared first on MadameNoire.

Exclusive: Iyanla On Evelyn Lozada’s “BBW” Return, Why Neffe Was “Out Of Order” And Fix My Life Season 7

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Your Saturday-night obsession is back, beloved. A majority of the episodes from this upcoming season of Iyanla: Fix My Life, which premieres on Saturday at 9/8c on OWN (check out the new trailer here), deals with doing the work to heal relationships. That includes stars like Neffeteria “Neffe” Pugh working to mend her marriage and Laura Govan trying to work on her co-parenting relationship (and relationship with her family) to everyday people trying to better themselves and their families. In preparation for Saturday’s premiere, we had the opportunity to chat with the wise Iyanla Vanzant about what it was like trying to fix the lives of this season’s guests, celebrity men becoming self-help gurus, Evelyn Lozada’s return to Basketball Wives and everything in between. Check out the knowledge she dropped.
Iyanla Fix My Life

On Working With Neffeteria and Why She Called Her a “Gutter Snake”

All of the experiences I have with my guests are growth, healing and learning opportunities both for me and the guest. I am the cold water in your face coach. And I don’t accommodate bad behavior in any way. I don’t support the guests in living out their illusions and fantasies in my presence. And the thing about Neffeteria, she is like many women who have lost themselves or their authentic identity in a way of being or an expression or habitual response or series of habitual responses that they feel are necessary to deal with the situations that they’ve lived through. I made a very clear distinction in supporting her and understanding this distinction between Neffeteria and “Neffe.” “Neffe” was a character. Neffeteria was her authentic identity. Moving back and forth between the two, Neffeteria and I got along very well, but me and “Neffe,” we just did not see eye to eye. And again, understand that “Neffe” was a character created to address certain circumstances, situations and to respond to experiences that she really thought was necessary. Those behaviors became habitual. And one of the reasons she reached out to us was because she said her intention was to understand and discover who I am. And she is Neffeteria, but the behavior belongs to “Neffe.”

How Women, Including Neffeteria, Can Move on From Being “Out of Order

Being out of order is different for everybody. Some people are out of order financially. Some people are out of order emotionally. Some people are out of order physically. Some people are out of order spiritually. So there’s no blanket remedy. You have to look at what’s not working in your life. So when I say order for a woman, I mean a woman who understands who she is, what her strengths and weaknesses are, how she’s using her strengths or not using them and how she’s allowing her weaknesses to reign, causing consequences that are manifesting in her life. So in this particular instance, “Neffe” was out of order. Not Neffeteria, because I don’t think she was present in the equation most of the time, but “Neffe” was out of order. The story is about the healing or solidifying of her marriage. Because she was out of order as a woman, as a wife, and as a mother. The details of that will be revealed in the story.

But one of the things that we need to do is to be clear about who we are and what we’re doing in the moment. Because if you’re a woman and you’re a mother and a wife, you got to understand what the roles and responsibilities are and who you are in each one. You can’t be mothering your husband and wifing your children [laughs]. Your expectations have to be different for every role. Your responsibilities. This doesn’t mean you have to have different personalities, it just means you have to be clear. Clear about who you are. The clearer you are about who you are, the more fully you will show up in every experience.

On Her Emotional Work With Laura Govan and What Other Mothers Can Learn From It

As a mother of four, part of the challenge that she faced was really learning how to co-parent with her ex who is the father of her four children. It’s a huge issue for many, many women. She too was overcoming the pollution of her reputation on reality television. Laura represents to me so, so, so many women who end a relationship with a man in a very contentious or dysfunctional way. They don’t know how to be in the new form or new normal of the relationship because of the unhealed wounds that occurred in the relationship. And then when you add to Laura the fact that her breakup was played out on social media, which is the workshop of darkness [laughs]. It is the workshop of darkness to me! Because you don’t have to be accountable or responsible. You don’t have to own stuff, you just dump and put it out there, forgetting that every thought you think and every word you speak is going to create an experience in your life. Both Laura and her partner played out this very contentious breakup on social media. So she was trying to learn how to pull that back, how to live beyond the pollution of the reputation she had from being on reality television, and then how to be in a relationship with her children’s father now that the romantic relationship with them is over. One of the things I say to women is that when the relationship ends, don’t call them your ex [laughs]. “Ex” is like marking them out. In this case, she could say, “That’s my children’s father.” That’s what she was learning how to do while trying to live down all of the, what I like to call “wahala,” that went on on social media. There are hundreds of thousands of women who don’t know how to make that shift from what was to their new normal. And because of the unhealed trauma, unhealed wounds and upset that occurred in the relationship, they carry that into the new relationship. It just doesn’t work out well for anybody.

How Iyanla Deals With Negative Responses to Her Work and Messages Online

I don’t have to deal with that. People have a right to their opinions, they have a right to their experiences, they have a right to express it, but why do I have to deal with that? What people think of me is none of my business. Everybody has a right to think what they want to think and say what they want to say. And if I were doing this work to make people like me then I would probably have a reaction or comment, and I don’t [laughs].

What She Thinks of Famous Men Trying to Be Self-Help Coaches

Everybody has experiences that they can speak to and speak about. And everybody has two ears. And when somebody’s two lips are moving, you get to choose what you’re going to do with your two ears. I don’t necessarily understand the phenomena of making someone an expert just because they’re in the public view. I don’t understand that. But just because they’re not necessarily an expert or trained in a particular field doesn’t mean they don’t have valid things to offer. It doesn’t mean they can’t share their experiences. What you do with it and how you respond to it and whether you take it in, whether it’s meaningful to you, all of that is a personal choice.

Her Thoughts on Evelyn’s Decision to Return to Basketball Wives

Evelyn learned some very powerful lessons. What I’m clear about is that the Evelyn that’s on Basketball Wives today is not the Evelyn that was on Basketball Wives many years ago. She’s just not the same person. And her choice of career, I’m sure that she has good reason to feel that was a good move for her. Actually, if she just went on there to share some of the things she’s learned over the years since our work together, I think that would be positive for every woman on the show [laughs]. She lives a different life now. She has a different understanding now. She has a different awareness. And if you recall our show, one of Evelyn’s greatest revelations was the things we talked about and I shared with her she hadn’t learned. She didn’t know. She had upset with her mother, she had upset with her father, she had breakdown around herself. So she learned a lot, not just from me, but what she’s done with her life as a result. So she’s a very different Evelyn.

Don’t be fooled by appearances. The mere fact that she’s there may be to help somebody else.

Image via WENN 

The post Exclusive: Iyanla On Evelyn Lozada’s “BBW” Return, Why Neffe Was “Out Of Order” And Fix My Life Season 7 appeared first on MadameNoire.

Michaela Coel Explains Why There Are Only Six Episodes In Each Season Of Chewing Gum

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It’s pretty much established that we’re all Chewing Gum stans, correct?

Now that we’ve gotten out of the way the obvious agreement that we all love the slightly disturbing but always hilarious British comedy, I think we can admit that we’d love it even more if there were more than six episodes. So what gives? Is that the deal creator Michaela Coel struck up? Is that just what she prefers?

Michaela Coel, chewing gum, chewing gum episodes

As it turns out, quite a few people posed that question to the 29-year-old writer and actress. She decided to address it by stating the reality that she doesn’t have a writer’s room. Because the stories come from her colorful, or “disturbed” mind as she described it, Coel can only do so much without mentally putting herself through the wringer. And considering that the budget isn’t large enough for more than what she’s doing right now, what you see is what you get, folks.

 

So until further notice (or a larger budget down the line), we will all have to just continue enjoying binge-watching Season 1 and 2 in like…six hours. Either way, those 12 episodes deliver more than enough laughs.

The post Michaela Coel Explains Why There Are Only Six Episodes In Each Season Of Chewing Gum appeared first on MadameNoire.

A Coming To America Sequel Might Be Closer Than You Think

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The internet lost their minds when rumors started spreading that there was going to be a Coming to America sequel. Really, it was just a tweet from a fake Eddie Murphy twitter account that seemed to suggest that he was working on a remake.

And just as soon as the excitement had a chance to brew, it dwindled when his daughter Bria Murphy shared a text conversation with her dad that proved he didn’t even know he had a Twitter account. Fraudulent.

But perhaps the studios were impressed by social media’s desire to see another film. Because according to The Hollywood Reporter, Paramount is taking steps in that direction.

The studio hired Barry Blaustein and David Sheffield, the two men who wrote the original screenplay, to write the potential sequel.

Right now, there’s no news about whether or not Eddie Murphy is on board to reprise his role as Prince Akeem from Zamunda.

While this sounds like some promising news, if Eddie Murphy doesn’t agree to be a part of it, I don’t know how far it will go.

Do you think this means it’s going to happen? Would you be down for a Coming to America sequel with no Eddie Murphy.

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.

The post A Coming To America Sequel Might Be Closer Than You Think appeared first on MadameNoire.

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