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Not-So-Classy Ways People Meet The One

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It would be nice to meet your one special person by having them pick you up out of a cab and carry you over a puddle before putting you on the horse they ride you off into the sunset on, but that’s often not exactly how it goes. And come on; are you really going to write somebody off who you think has potential all because the “how we met” story may be a bit embarrassing down the line? If your friends and family have a sense of humor, then they’ll love the story. Everybody else can go back to the fairytale book they live in—I bet it’s boring there. In a world where we share Ubers with total strangers while we are drunk and are seeing more and more public restrooms becoming gender neutral, it’s possible to meet your someone special in some pretty special circumstances. Here are not-so-classy ways people meet the one.

The post Not-So-Classy Ways People Meet The One appeared first on MadameNoire.


Things That Will Shock You About Diabetes

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There is a lot of misinformation circling about diabetes. That could be why so many people are shocked when they’re diagnosed with it—based on what they’d heard and read, and the way they lead their lives, it never occurred to them that they could be at risk for the disease. That’s precisely why the misinformation is so dangerous. Even if you haven’t been diagnosed with diabetes, your friends and family who have would probably appreciate it if you educated yourself a bit on what they’re going through—this may help you pass less judgment, and even make decisions about how you spend time your time with them, what you cook for them, where you take them and more that will make your relationship easier. Here are things that will shock you about diabetes. There’s a lot more behind this dangerous disease than you may think.

The post Things That Will Shock You About Diabetes appeared first on MadameNoire.

Is This Petty? He’s Too Broke To Take Me Out On Dates

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We can all respect a man who is hustling hard to make his dreams come true, but do you have the patience and understanding (and money) necessary to date one?

too broke to date

I have a girlfriend who has been seeing a guy for a few months now. They initially met while at a media event and hit it off. He can hold a good conversation and seemed to have a lot to offer, not to mention that he is cute. The only issue is that he’s in between jobs trying to find his footing. The guy is a writer and burgeoning photographer who recently left an unsatisfying full-time job to (unsuccessfully) try to start his own business. It hasn’t been the easiest of times, and he’s even found himself struggling to keep up with rent.

He’s been hopeful that my friend will continue to be open to getting to know him through these setbacks, but it hasn’t been easy for her either. They were able to go on a few dates together, but once money got funny, they started meeting up less and less. From there, it went from one extreme to another. All of a sudden he only wanted to talk on the phone, or if he wanted to meet up, the conversation leading up to doing so centered around money. He asked if she could cover certain costs or be okay with doing things for free, including splitting drinks at Starbucks or going for walks (it’s cold outside, so the latter was a no). And because they haven’t known each other that long, she doesn’t feel comfortable inviting him over to her apartment or sitting in his.

After a while, it actually became a bit much for him. He told her that if he were to invite her out, he wants to be able to cover the costs of whatever he’s interested in doing fully. From there, it seemed like his pride had taken a hit. He didn’t want to physically go out with her if he wasn’t in the financial state to do so.  But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to keep getting to know her and talking to her on the phone. They could still build something, right? Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for her to find herself getting cabin fever from sitting in the house waiting for him to get his ducks in a row so they could spend time together. She’s also not interested in doing a lot of talking with no real plans to do anything else. At this point, she’s not sure if she wants to move forward.

So, is one is ever too broke to date?

No one wants to be alone because of their financial situation, but sometimes, said situation just isn’t stable enough to bring another person into. I have another good friend who tried to date a guy who was going through hard times. Every time they talked about meeting up, he wanted to have a pow-pow about the cost of doing whatever it was they were interested in. Instead of just being a dating prospect, the guy turned into an accountant. Before she knew it, she was sick and tired of talking about money 24/7 with him, especially since he didn’t have it. She wasn’t trying to spend frivolously or expecting him to go all out on her, but rather, she just wanted them to be able to talk about something else for a change. They weren’t a married couple for goodness sake.  But can you blame him? When money is what you need and the only thing on your mind, how can you really talk about and focus on anything else?

It’s not that person’s fault. Sometimes it just is what it is. In a dating relationship or marriage, people have been with one another long enough to have seen the good, so they can be open to withstanding the bad. But when you’re just getting to know someone and one party is coming out of the gate in the clouds of financial strife, they can’t possibly put their best foot forward. Financial strain takes a toll on more than just your wallet, folks. It’s tough. But I think it’s best to be honest about the situation and give a person trying to get on their feet the space to do that — alone. Who knows? Maybe down the line a spark can be rekindled. But until then, there’s no use in faking the funk. His focus is best applied to his financial situation — not dating…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Can you be too broke to date? Is it petty to not want to continue dating a man who is not presently in the best financial position and can’t really court you? 

 

Image via Shutterstock

The post Is This Petty? He’s Too Broke To Take Me Out On Dates appeared first on MadameNoire.

6 Purple Lipsticks For Brown Girls Made By Brown Girls

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Purple and gold go great together and we like to think the same is true when it comes to golden brown skin.

Purple isn’t usually one of the first colors that comes to mind when you think about buying a new lipstick, but it’s for that reason that we want to encourage you to live a little. From where we sit, purple lipstick was practically made for Black girls, and we picked out a few shades made by Black girls to back up that claim. The warmth of these violet lipsticks will only enhance your beauty and the only thing you’ll regret about buying them is how many times you have to answer “where you’d get that lipstick?”

Ka’oir Cosmetics – Drama ($17.99)

Beauty Bakerie – She’s Just Jelly Lip Whip ($20)

Colored Raine -Raine Fever  ($17)

Fashion Fair – London Fog ($20)

Gold Label – ZĪ Sé ($14)

The Lip Bar – Purple Rain ($12)

The post 6 Purple Lipsticks For Brown Girls Made By Brown Girls appeared first on MadameNoire.

Tiny Becomes Owner Of New Co-Ed Basketball Team, Atlanta Heirs

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In the midst of some moderately publicized relationship drama and a reunion between her old group Escape, Tiny is making moves on her own. The singer-turned-reality star is now adding co-ed basketball team owner to her list of accomplishments.

She made the announcement recently on her Instagram page.

The Atlanta Heirs are the city’s first ever co-ed basketball team. Many are guessing that the name is a nod to her daughter Heiress, the 7th child between she and husband T.I.

Tiny also posted a picture of preliminary tryouts, featuring former NBA player Shannon Brown and WNBA player Kym Hampton.

There’s not too much information about the upcoming team, like where they’ll play or anything. But we’re sure we’ll be hearing more about it. We’re interested.

What do you think of the idea of a co-ed basketball team?

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.

The post Tiny Becomes Owner Of New Co-Ed Basketball Team, Atlanta Heirs appeared first on MadameNoire.

Hi-Five Singer Russell Neal Declared Incompetent To Stand Trial In The Murder Of His Wife

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Back in 2014, we told you that Hi-Five singer Russell Neal had been arrested in the murder of his wife, Catherine Martinez. At the time, all we knew was that Neal went to the police to tell them that the couple had been in an argument and that she was in need of medical attention. From there, police found her dead in their apartment in Houston, as the cause of death was blunt force trauma. Martinez, the mother of Neal’s two children, was also stabbed multiple times. After that, he refused to really talk to investigators about what went down, instead opting for a lawyer. He was charged with murder and released on a bond of $100,000.

Russell Neal

More than two years later, there has been an update in the case. The series Crime Watch Daily, which is hosted by former To Catch a Predator host Chris Hansen, interviewed Martinez’s family about their loved one and the incident. A model and fitness trainer, her family said that they weren’t really impressed with Neal from the beginning, but she liked him and was into the money he said that he had. Catherine’s sister Emy said she could tell something about him was off.

“There was something about him, his eyes, it was just something dark, so I didn’t like him from the get-go,” she said. “It was just the way he came, like you know, he was really stuck up — ‘You ain’t got no money, stop it.'”

But the truth was that as their relationship went on, it became apparent that his finances were in a really bad place. Catherine wound up being the breadwinner for their family, and to make matters worse, her family said he was abusive to her.

“There were bruises and scratches and she would try to come to our house with makeup, and she would try and cover it up with makeup,” Martinez’s sister Glenda said. “You would see the foundation, everything trying to cover up her eyes, but we would tell.”

Still, he was a good father according to Martinez, and he kept telling her that he was going to change. Sadly, things took a tragic turn. The last time Martinez saw her mother was on June 28, 2014. A few days later, Neal would enter into the police station and all of their lives would be turned upside down.

“You couldn’t tell it was her,” Glenda said of the condition of Martinez’s body following the attack on her. According to her family, Neal didn’t go to police about the incident until two days after she was killed, their sons locked up in a room in the house during the incident. “I was just hoping they had the wrong person because it didn’t look like her. I mean we all know she was beautiful but it didn’t look like her at all.”

Neal would be arrested, charged, released on bail, and then, out of nowhere, have his bail revoked. While in jail, he started to call himself Jesus Christ and has since been placed in a mental institution in Rusk State Hospital in Texas. Harris County Court decided that as of right now, Neal is mentally ill and remains incompetent to stand trial — this despite police reportedly stating that he knew what he was doing when he attacked his wife in 2014.

And to make this situation even more of a mess, Neal’s brother Ronald is accused of murdering his wife years ago and pleading incompetence to avoid standing trial. He was abusive to late wife Stovyne Neal, and after she filed for divorce, he attacked her in 2007. He shot her multiple times while her son was in the home calling police. He initially tried to plead insanity, calling his attack on his wife a crime of passion, but he eventually dropped the claim and plead guilty. Ronald Neal was given 80 years, and he will have to serve 30 years in prison before he is even eligible for parole.

So while two families continue to mourn the loss of their loved ones,  the Neal family gets to see Ronald in prison and Russell in a mental hospital. The family of Stovyne Neal was able to get some sense of justice for her death, but it remains to be seen if and when the Martinez family will get to witness Russell’s day in court. He has another mental competency hearing in August of this year to see where things stand.

If you have time, you should definitely watch the episode below. It’s sure to boggle the mind:

Image via YouTube and Houston PD

The post Hi-Five Singer Russell Neal Declared Incompetent To Stand Trial In The Murder Of His Wife appeared first on MadameNoire.

The 10 Best-Dressed Black Women In Hollywood — In This Order

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Award season — the time of the year when women entertainers put on their best faces and their biggest ball gowns –has officially come to a close. As we reflected on all of the red carpets we’ve witnessed thus far, a few names consistently stood out among the rest. And so, we thought it was time these women get the acknowledgment they deserve. For they haven’t just had a few great fashion moments over the course of award season — or the years, they are definitely the best-dressed Black women in Hollywood. Here’s our ranking from 10-1.

The post The 10 Best-Dressed Black Women In Hollywood — In This Order appeared first on MadameNoire.

Nike Just Launched A Plus-Size Activewear Line, And It’s Pretty Fly

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To be honest, it’s really not that hard to find cute activewear these days. With the athleisure trend alone, there are countless bralettes and joggers that folks are wearing in the gym and out to brunch. Not to mention that quite a few celebrities have jumped on the fitness apparel bandwagon over the last few years.

Instagram Photo

However, if you’re truly serious about putting in the work and want clothing that won’t be see-through, slip down or fail to provide you with support (not just look cute on you), then you know that truly good performance gear is hard to come by. Now add on the added struggle of finding such apparel in larger sizes. Thankfully, though, major performance brands like Nike are stepping into the plus-size fashion ring and presenting lines with extended sizes.

Just last year we told you that Nike expanded their Pro Collection of sports bras, selling sizes up to an E. Now, they have a full collection of pieces that go up to a 3x.

“Nike recognizes that women are stronger, bolder and more outspoken than ever,” a spokesperson shared in a statement. “In today’s world, sport is no longer something that she does, it’s who she is. The days where we have to add ‘female’ before ‘athlete’ are over. She is an athlete, period. And having helped fuel this cultural shift, we celebrate these athletes’ diversity, from ethnicity to body shape.”

Instagram Photo

Those behind the design of the line, including Helen Boucher, vice president of women’s training apparel, said that a lot of thought and work was put into concocting a varied offering for these type of athletes.

“When we design for plus size, we aren’t just proportionately making our products larger,” Boucher said. “That doesn’t work because as we know, everyone’s weight distribution is different.”

Instagram Photo

The performance gear is not only well made but actually pretty chic. There are tops with sheer front and back panels, compression pants in psychedelic prints, as well as training jackets, pullovers and cardigans that look quite cozy.

Check out a few more looks from the line, including a few of our favorites below. Just be warned that we’re talking about Nike here, so don’t expect Old Navy prices, folks. You can view the full line over at Nike.com.

Nike plus-size

Nike plus-size

The post Nike Just Launched A Plus-Size Activewear Line, And It’s Pretty Fly appeared first on MadameNoire.


Friends And Family Launch Fundraiser For Mother Of Four Shot And Paralyzed By Boyfriend

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Angela Gabriel’s life was forever changed on the morning of February 22. At around 7:45 a.m. Gabriel was sitting in the bathtub and arguing with her boyfriend Carl Thompson Jr.

The argument came to a head when Thompson shot at Gabriel, 41, 9-10 times in the chest, back and right arm.

Afterward, Thompson called the police to the scene where a child was present. Thompson was arrested for attempted second-degree murder and illegal use of a weapon. When she arrived at the hospital, doctors pronounced her paralyzed from the waist down.

When WBRZ, spoke to Gabriel’s family, her mother, Lois Clark, said, “If I could talk to him [Thompson] I would want to know why he did this.”

Clark has known their daughter’s boyfriend for decades now, a relationship stemming as far back as when he was a little boy. “I don’t know when I think of Carl I just can’t get past him being that little boy that I used to teach in preschool.”

Still, Clark said she and other family members were worried about Gabriel and her relationship with Thompson before the shooting. “I would tell her, Angie that’s a time bomb waiting to go off. I said it happens every day.”

Now, that they’re faced with this new reality, the family says they’re determined to move forward.

“If that’s what the Lord wants then we’re just going to pull together and we’ll just have to revamp our lives to fit her life,” Clark said.

Angela’s parents have faith that their daughter will make it through this.

“If you put a mountain in her path she’s going to find a way to either dig through it or go around it,” Clark said.

Thankfully, Angela won’t have to go through or around this mountain alone. Her friends and family members started a YouCaring fundraiser site to help her cover the medical bills as well as living expenses for her four children.

The site says that Gabriel is a single mother to four children, a 21, 9, 6 and 18-month-old with Down Syndrome.

The YouCaring site explained Angela’s mental state and the need for the money.

“She’s in good spirits and feels blessed to be loved by so many people. She is still in a lot of pain yet her focus is on her children and all of their futures. Her road to recovery will be a long and arduous one and the bills are already coming. Her recovery and rehabilitation will span years. She will have to learn to function in a whole new manner and as a new person.

When we tell you she’s an amazing and strong woman –  that is an understatement! When Angela was first shot, her mindset and thoughts were that she had to stay alive! She told herself to keep breathing and that she had to live for her kids.

Angela desperately needs our help! We want to ask each of you to pray and search your heart and help us support her. As you know if a Realtor doesn’t work, they do not get paid. We would love for each person to donate anything you can immediate to help with her current bills and living expenses! If you can only give $5, everything counts! Let’s pull together as a local community and help her as much as we possibly can!”

If you want to donate to Angela’s treatment and her children, you can do so here.

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.

The post Friends And Family Launch Fundraiser For Mother Of Four Shot And Paralyzed By Boyfriend appeared first on MadameNoire.

This Is Viola Davis’ Biggest Fear For Her Daughter

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Mothers fear a lot of things when it comes to raising daughters — how to protect their hearts, teach them to love their bodies, build their confidence, keep them safe. The list of concerns rarely ends and Viola Davis’ biggest feat for her daughter Genesis is very much rooted in her own experience growing up as a child.

Davis hasn’t kept the struggle of growing up poor a secret, and asked by People magazine how she teaches her 6-year-old daughter to appreciate all that she has, growing up wealthy, the Academy Award winner says that’s now her on-going challenge.

“You just listed my number one fear, which is entitlement,” said the 51 year old. “I never had a house; Genesis has a house. I do shop at Target, I buy all her clothes at Target or H&M. And maybe, if I’m feeling really good, Nordstrom Rack.”

Spoken like a true Black mama. I actually envy Genesis. Target’s clothes are cute so in my book she’s winning either way.

The post This Is Viola Davis’ Biggest Fear For Her Daughter appeared first on MadameNoire.

10 Life Gems From Jstlbby

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When it's a beautiful day out & yu jst got done spending $$$ on yourself & not no FCK nigga! 🙏🏾 #BLESSINGS

A post shared by GOD 1st. 👻 jstlivinbbyy (@jstlbby) on


Lord knows I love me some Instagram. And every once in a while I stumble across a comedian, a personality or some trying to make a name for themselves on the gram and their energy just commands your attention. Enter Jstlbby. I don’t know much about her personal story or background but I do know that she believes in God, cusses profusely, and will both tickle and inspire you. Perhaps the combination might be hard for you to imagine, so I’ll let her introduce herself.

The post 10 Life Gems From Jstlbby appeared first on MadameNoire.

To Love, Honor and Employ: Why I’m Hesitant to Work for My Husband

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A little over a year ago I entered a career crisis that was initiated by a lay-off from the small parenting education non-profit I was employed by for almost five years at the time.  My days of working as a Program Assistant both coordinating curriculum and teaching classes to teen parents quickly turned into days of me questioning my career path, self-worth and financial future in my pajamas. It also didn’t help that I was battling a nice helping of anxiety I was experiencing with many transitions in my life at the time including new motherhood and a marriage; both which were barely a year old.

 

Only a few weeks before, my husband had decided to take the plunge into running his plumbing company full time after juggling his business with a full-time position working for the city. Luckily we saw the signs that my job was struggling as I saw co-workers get let go one at a time and a CEO that was doing everything short of breaking down in her office every day that passed when no word of funding to support our programs came. So when “D-Day” arrived I wasn’t surprised. I had already secretly cleaned out my desk days prior, was ready to file for unemployment and hubby and I had come up with a game plan for getting health insurance once the inevitable happened.

Still, knowing something is going to happen doesn’t necessarily quite prepare you for the moment it does. I was angry (hell I think I’m still kind of angry). For me, that moment was when ish got real for the first time as an adult. Until then I was typically an optimistic person who swore that if you worked hard and were a good person, good things would happen to you. Being laid off forced me to look at things differently and I must admit even now when it comes to providing for my family, I don’t think my loyalty will ever lie with anyone’s 9-5 ever again at which my name isn’t on the front of the building. That’s not to say that today I’m any less committed to the work I do, but I don’t think I define my life’s success by my career nearly as much as I used to. I’m a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter and a BFF that happens to be a professional as well.

In the summer of 2016, I ended up being hired by another non-profit in a position that although was a pay cut and required less experience than my prior position, did allow me to pursue my passion of sexual health education. Silly me thought becoming employed within a week of my unemployment benefits being cut off surely was a sign that my career crisis ended. WRONG. Within a few months I quickly learned that now I was just a ball of anxiety, resentment and confusion that now had to wake up early every morning. Don’t get me wrong, most days I enjoy what I do, but to say I look forward going to work would be a long shot. And lately I feel like my fears of being a thirty-something cliché are coming to fruition: I’m tired of all the time, can’t tell the difference between most of today’s rappers and have a love/hate relationship with my 9-5.

My husband however, hates his daily routine a little less than I do. First off, anyone who has their own business knows that a con is that you usually don’t clock out at 5 and get to run home to catch up on the latest This Is Us episode. He has to work weekends when business is slow to make sure he can cut himself a check, his phone rings constantly and even when he isn’t physically in the field, as a small-business owner he’s still doing his own administrative work until he can afford to hire more staff. This is where I come in. Every once in a while when I’m complaining about emotional managers or meetings that should’ve been e-mails, he manages to slip in, “Well one day when you work for me, you won’t have to worry about stuff like that.”

Don’t get me wrong, my husband respects my passions and doesn’t think I should be sitting around baking cookies and changing diapers all day, but remember when I mentioned “loyalties to these 9-5’s”? Sometimes his subtle invitations make me wonder what’s keeping me from investing into our family legacy, even if it isn’t something I’m all that interested in? For me, I think the answer is fear. I was raised in a household with both a mother and father who worked in hospitals and made a conscious decision to work for separate places specifically in case massive lay-offs happened. I always respected that forethought, because low and behold, while I was in undergrad my 50-something father got the pink slip (along with my older sister who shared the same employer) and suddenly much of the financial burden of the household was placed on my mother. Still they didn’t miss a beat and it was all because they chose separate career paths in some way.

I’m also fearful of the sacrifice that might come with helping my husband continue to build his business. I don’t want to wake up one day with resentment for his success wondering what could’ve been. It reminds me of the flack Ayesha Curry (wife of NBA player Stephen Curry) caught when people accused her of riding her husband’s coattails for a come up in her own career. She mentioned how at one time she felt the public looked at being a wife and mother as uncool and how the roles were even looked down upon. As a new mother I’m learning it’s OK to like doing for your family and that climbing the career ladder doesn’t always have to be pitted against being a wife and/or mother. But there are so many hours in a day and there will be times in life when it’s OK to not want to be a career woman. You can have it all even if it all isn’t at once. In the event I do choose to be employed by my husband, it doesn’t mean I have to set my dreams on fire and turn my back on them like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale.

As I get older, I’m realizing that when it comes to career, I’m less worried about who exactly is signing my paycheck and more about maintaining my peace of mind from day-to-day. Because if this past year has taught me anything it’s that even if you are getting paid off your passion, it requires some element of work and the honest truth is work is not something we always look forward to doing. I don’t know if I’ll be mixing my professional and personal life anytime soon, but what I now know is that your position today doesn’t necessarily have to represent your path tomorrow. Titles are great and shout out to those climbing the career ladder, but at the end of the day when it comes to making a living we all have to answer to someone, whether it’s customers, readers, or a traditional “boss you can’t stand” aka “The Man”. Now whether I’m ready for that man to be my husband, is a different story.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

Image via Corbis

The post To Love, Honor and Employ: Why I’m Hesitant to Work for My Husband appeared first on MadameNoire.

Get It Poppin’: Would You Throw A Vagina Party for Your Friends?

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vagina party

I lead a lesson on female reproductive anatomy to a class of 9th grade girls the other day. As we stared against two dry erase sheets hung on the wall of the school library in between graphic novels and biographies, I asked the young women where they would like to begin, “Internal or external anatomy?” Of course they chose the “cow’s head” the reason being that it was a part of reproductive anatomy that they weren’t used to seeing and of more importantly because it looked so “complicated”.

Although I’ve had my reproductive organs for 33 years now, like many women there’s a fleeting unfamiliarity that can come with your feminine parts no matter how much masturbating, menstruating and baby making these organs may have been involved with. As I spoke to the girls in the class that day about how their cervix is supposed to resemble a “fleshy pink donut sort of like this” referring to my closed fist, it reminded me of a YourTango article I had come across a few weeks before entitled, “I Threw A Party To Find Out What My Friends’ Vaginas Looked Like”.

Now don’t go jumping to conclusions just yet. The post wasn’t some lesbi-honest account of some flower child’s journey down the brick road of sexual orientation before clicking her Birkenstocks to get back home nor was it a preview of a Bang Bros.-esque sorority sleepover scene in a film aptly titled “Pi Ate A Pu**y Part 2”. The piece actually centered on self-discovery, body image and a lesson that never gets old: Despite what any fashion runaway or Instagram model’s profile pic may say, our bodies are all beautiful in their own special way. The piece, written by blogger, Monica Bielanko and initially featured on her blog, The Girl Who talks about the totally honest conversations she and a few friends once had about their anatomy. The conversations compared the diversity of vaginas resembling everything from “rose petals to roast beef” and the insecurity that can come with achieving the perfect vulva. Bielanko recalls a time when the pressure to be beautiful down below even began to hinder her sex life:

“Thus began what I refer to as ‘The Roast Beef Years.’ Years I couldn’t orgasm from oral sex. Instead of losing myself in ecstasy I would imagine each valiant man who attempted as munching roast beef. Eventually, marijuana and liquor helped ease my insecurity and I achieved an oral orgasm.”

Years later liquor also helped break down some walls between her and a few close friends as they also revealed their own insecurities to the point where they ended up ditching a dinner party to get a closer peek at each other’s privates simple for the sake of education and empowerment. The girls took turns lifting up their skirts while comparing their anatomy to various menu items and deciding which ones males were attracted to the most.

As I learned in the high school library that day the pressure to have a “pretty kitty” starts young. As the girls filed into the library that day, excited because the “condom lady” had come to visit, the first thing they giggled about when seeing a picture of open thighs on the wall was, “Dang, her thing is fat. That’s how it should be right?”  That comment was only followed by many more including the idea that “loose pu**y” comes from being promiscuous and my reality check of the fact that all vaginas are elastic and that’s a good thing. I mean in addition to accommodating penis sizes, vaginas are responsible for bringing whole human bodies in the world. They better have a little give to them.

I won’t be planning a pu**y party for me and my girls anytime soon, but the story did make me appreciate the candid conversations I’m able to have with my BFF’s about our own insecurities. After recently having babies, my BFF and I recently found ourselves bonding over “black bellies”, stretch marks, and battered immune systems:

“Girl I can’t shake this case of athlete’s foot since having mine. This kid just stole all my body’s damn defenses.”

“I know that’s right.  I just need to get rid of this belly so I can at least see my vagina again to have some sex.  Other than that, my shape is doing the damn thing.”

Conversations like the one Bielanko shared with her friends and also the ones I’ve had with mine made me think of how much we take our bodies for granted. I can’t remember a time since middle school when I wasn’t happy with the way I looked or even how my body functioned. After having a child, I realize that although most days I can still inhale a Chic-Fil-A meal without my metabolism missing a beat, the “snap back” isn’t cracking as hard as it used to. Suddenly these women using hand mirrors to get to know the in’s and out’s of their anatomy didn’t seem so strange, because as women it’s all too easy for our bodies to become as Gotye might say, “somebody that I used to know”. How often do we spend trying to break down the bodies of celebs like Nicki Minaj and Kim Kardashian to the perfect anatomy algorithm not realizing that we’re bringing quite a bit of beauty to the equation as well. How often have I found my libido being affected by my worry that my husband has some kind of issue with uneven vaginal lips or a c-section scar that sometimes look like I was a survivor in some Texas Chainsaw Massacre type movie? And how many times has he had to remind me that as a man, when it comes to having sex, the last thing he’s worried about is a stretch mark, a satin bonnet or set of asymmetrical labia majora?

You may not need to play a game of show and tell with your girlfriends in order to get comfortable with your own, but I think if we can take away any favors from Bielanko’s vagina party is that when it comes to your own pu**y platter, instead of worrying if our vaginal lips are flapping like Wendy Williams on a good gossip day, maybe we should just accept our vaginas for rose petals, roast beef or whatever meal our body is serving. Because the truth is as long as you have a tight relationship with your girly parts that involves keeping them clean and healthy and accepting for what they are, most men will be happy just to be getting a plate.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

Image Source: Tumblr

The post Get It Poppin’: Would You Throw A Vagina Party for Your Friends? appeared first on MadameNoire.

The Disney Channel Just Featured Another Same Sex Couple…And I Still Don’t Care

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I posted a blog some time ago expressing my overwhelming appreciation for the time of #BlackGirlMagic my daughter is currently being raised in. Ok, so maybe Trump is our President and wants to literally build a wall between anything that represents diversity. And we DO still live in a world where the shade against the accomplishments of African-Americans is subtle but indeed real whether Moonlight is getting it’s moment stolen at the Academy Awards or Adele still has to use her acceptance speech to thank Beyoncé because even Adele knows her songs have sounded identical since 2008. Still, Issa Rae is running ish over at HBO simply by telling the story of awkward black girls everywhere and Luvvie Ajayi signed a copy of “I’m Judging You” for my two-year-old daughter that is now sitting in her #BlackGirlMagic library. It’s great time to be a little black girl and that’s all because representation is fresh and in full effect.

I say all that to say, as an 80’s baby and a now grown up little black girl, I know what it feels like to look around and never see anyone that looks like you in print or TV. As an adolescent, Seventeen magazine made me believe the beauty in black girls only came in a mocha-colored packages covered in Dominican curly hair. And let’s be honest, mainstream media until recently made it seem that real romantic love only existed between heterosexual couples. So do I care that Disney Channel is showing images of same-sex couples to my two-year-old? Let the church say, “Nope.”

In case I’m not being clear, I support the Disney’s channel’s latest decision to include images of same-sex couples in their programs for children. Disney Channel is no stranger to representation of all lifestyles, featuring a same-sex couple of two fathers last year on its show The Loud House. After a bit of backlash, but for the most part overwhelming support, the network has pushed the envelope a little farther recently featuring a same-sex couple sharing a kiss at a concert in the show Star vs. the Forces of Evil.  Much like when news broke out about the infamous scene on The Loud House my social media timeline was instantly filled with parents, many of whom have posted their pre-schoolers reciting everything from ABC’s to Young Jeezy, complaining about the bad influence the scene would have on their kids psyche. Because lyrics about selling coke are cool for show and tell, but a ten-second kissing scene between two teen boys will surely scar them well into adulthood.

Admittedly, as a sex educator I spend most of my days teaching young people about everything from IUD insertion to when it’s appropriate to use the word “queer” so of course my daughter is being raised in a household of sex positivity with a mother who wants to show her that love and sex may be complicated at times, but it’s generally a good thing as long as people can respect one another, properly communicate and not hurt themselves or one another, no matter what they pee with. But as a parent, I also embrace any opportunity my daughter has to witness what healthy love looks like, and if it’s two teenage boys sharing a five second smooch on a cartoon so be it.

The funny thing is the Star vs. the Forces of Evil scene happened so quickly that had not the story been trending for a day or two, most parents would have missed it. There’s no long drawn out lesson about spreading awareness about LGBTQ issues, or a mini sex-ed lesson for toddlers about how people have sex or what parts are needed for the process. There’s simply an image that displays that there’s a variety of relationships out there. I’m not a fan of comparing struggles, but let’s not forget that not too long ago the only images of African-Americans that were shown on TV were minstrel shows and clowns. So even if a show didn’t necessarily make groundbreaking history with an announcement of, “Look black people can be professionals too!” It’s comforting to see a sister walk by with a briefcase every once in a while. At its most basic that’s the beauty of representation: Not making a big deal out of a display of diversity but by simply including images that reflect everyone, whether you agree with those images or not. It’s also recognizing that whether it’s on a cartoon or at your local shopping mall, these images exist and chances are, you are probably making a bigger deal out of them than your kids are.

Don’t get me wrong, I can respect that other parents feel differently especially if their objections towards homosexuality are based on their faith or even just fear of the hostility that so much of society sometimes expresses for those who identify as LGBTQ. But with so much negative imagery of parenthood whether its women fighting over a man with whom they all have children with or people who think infidelity is a normal part of a low-functioning relationship, I want my child to witness as much healthy love as possible. I also want kids who have two moms, two dads, a brother who has a boyfriend or even are questioning their own feelings to know they are not alone and that they are not weird, disgusting or horrible people. They are just people who love and have feelings like everyone else, once again, no matter what them or their partner pees with.

Check out the controversial Star vs. The Forces of Evil clip below:

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

Image Source: Shutterstock

The post The Disney Channel Just Featured Another Same Sex Couple…And I Still Don’t Care appeared first on MadameNoire.

Gabrielle Union’s Haircare Line Has Finally Arrived

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When it comes to celebrities and haircare lines, they’ve pretty much become synonymous at this point that it comes as no surprise when a new one pops up on the market. But we’ve actually been quite excited and counting down the days for the launch of Gabrielle Union’s haircare line, Flawless by Gabrielle Union.

“I want women with textured hair to have great hair days,” she shared in an interview with PEOPLE last month. “I went through a phase where I would leave my relaxer on so long, thinking the longer I leave this relaxer on, the straighter it’s going to be. Cut to lesions, like open wounds in my scalp, trying to chase something that was unrealistic, and eventually probably in my mid- to late-20s I decided to give up my relaxer, and I went natural. By natural I mean underneath the weaves, extensions, clips and the hair color was my natural hair — thriving.”

The set of #BeingMaryJane just got a little more #Flawless

A post shared by Flawless by Gabrielle Union (@flawlesshairday) on

So, for Union, it’s all about expressing yourself through your mane without compromising the health of your favorite accessory, your hair. The Flawless reveal happened Wednesday (Mar. 1), showcasing a slew of care and treatment and styling products ranging in price from $19 to $29.

Ladies, will you be giving Flawless by Gabrielle Union a try? Head over to the site and check out of all the Flawless goodies for yourself.

 

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Justine Skye Is The New Hair Color Ambassador For Dark & Lovely

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When it comes to rising R&B singer Justine Skye, one thinks of her soft and sultry voice and her vibrant purple mane. And now, after faithfully rocking colored tresses, haircare brand Dark & Lovely have tapped the young star as their new Hair Color Ambassador.

“I am so excited to be working with Dark & Lovely as their Hair Color Ambassador,” Skye said in a press release. “My hair color is super important to my look because it helps define who I am. It’s a characteristic of mine that makes me feel comfortable and different from the rest.”

As the Hair Color Ambassador, Skye will serve as the brand’s muse, cover campaigns and attend live events. Not to mention, she’s the inspiration behind their new Go Intense! hair color, Passion Plum. Skye also joins beauties Teyonah Parris and Demetria McKinney who also serve as brand ambassadors for Dark & Lovely.

Press play on the video below and watch Justine Skye gush about being chosen for her first campaign and more.

The post Justine Skye Is The New Hair Color Ambassador For Dark & Lovely appeared first on MadameNoire.

Urban Decay Is Launching A Skincare Line

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Any beauty-obsessed gal knows that Urban Decay has been slaying the cosmetics game for decades from cult-favorite eye shadow palettes to lip colors and foundations. But now the brand is surprising all and launching a skincare line.

Urban Decay shared the exciting news by posting a photo on Instagram. “Get ready UDers – we’re taking makeup prep one step further,” the caption read. The forthcoming line is dubbed Rehab Makeup Prep, which includes a number of products that scrub, cleanse, revitalize and hydrate the skin before enhancing your natural beauty with their cosmetics: Hot Springs Hydrating Gel, Pore Refining Peel, Pretty Gritty Skin Polish, Oxygenated Bubble Mask, Moisture Layer Eye Roller, and Lip Love.

The brand is also hard at work on a second line already called Meltdown Makeup Removers, which includes a Dissolving Spray, Lip Oil Stick, and Cleansing Oil Stick to help you take off your full face at the end of the day.

The details on the two skincare lines have yet to be revealed in full, but check back for updates regarding prices and the official launch date.

The post Urban Decay Is Launching A Skincare Line appeared first on MadameNoire.

Foxy Brown Just Released A Snippet Of A Diss Track Aimed At Remy Ma

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Foxy Brown colored contacts

This week has been one for the hip-hop history books thanks to Remy Ma’s “ShETHER” Nicki Minaj diss track. While Minaj still has yet to response, another female rapper dusted off her boots and stepped back into the game.

Who you ask? None other than Foxy Brown. Yes, apparently, the “Oh Yeah” femcee wasn’t too happy that Remy Ma dissed Minaj, allegedly dissing her in the process too. The lyrics in question: “I kill rappers/ And you good as dead, bi**h/ Talking s**t about me to a deaf bi**h/ And usually I have sympathy for the impaired/ But not when you hard of hearin’ from untreated gonorrhea.”

Back in 2005, Foxy told PEOPLE that she was suffering from sudden and severe sensorineural hearing loss, a condition that’s mainly caused by viral infection.

On Foxy’s recently released diss (it’s just a snippet so far) called “Breaks Over,” she chose to lay her verse over  Jay Z’s “Takeover” instrumental, which was originally released as a slight to Nas, who then returned with “Ether.” On the snippet, she takes aim at Remy’s time at Bedford Hills Correctional Facility, name-dropped Papoose, and backed Nicki Minaj. “I’m on my ’96 s**t/Got the DNA of Hova/ And Nick my bi**h/ But bi**h I’m sayin’/I’m where the carcass layin’,” Brown raps.

Press play and take a listen to the snippet.

 

The post Foxy Brown Just Released A Snippet Of A Diss Track Aimed At Remy Ma appeared first on MadameNoire.

Get Into These 3 New Extra Dimension Skinfinish Highlighter Shades From MAC

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With spring and summer right around the corner, ladies are preparing for their makeup bags for everything that you make you glow like no other. So, that’s where highlighter comes in handy, of course.

Just the other day, Beauty Instagram account TrendMood1 teased a photo of swatches of three new highlighter shades by the brand that you’ll want to get your hands on immediately. There’s a peachy champagne shade called “Fairly Precious,” a gorgeous pink appropriately titled “Into the Pink,” and shimmery bronze shade called “Hard to Get.”

Just last November, MAC introduced four dynamic shades of the Extra Dimension Skinfinish highlighter, so we’re more than sure that this launch will be just as fire.

The brand has yet to share details about a launch date, but check back for updates soon.

 

 

The post Get Into These 3 New Extra Dimension Skinfinish Highlighter Shades From MAC appeared first on MadameNoire.

You’ll Want To Get Your Hands On These Duds From June Ambrose’s Ooh Snap! Collection

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Stylist to the stars June Ambrose is #fashiongoals, seriously. Known for outfitting the likes of Jay Z and Alicia Keys, and slaying quite frequently on Instagram, Ambrose recently decided to up the amp on her personal style and offer it to the masses that can’t get enough of her or the clothes she rocks.

And so “Ooh Snap!” by June Ambrose was born, which is a limited edition sweatshirt collection. Ranging in price from $69-$79, you can get your hands on her trademarked “#RockMom” design and even a super cute “Stay Woke” sweatshirt.

Head over to juneambrose.com and see what goodies June is selling. And with Mother’s Day slowly but surely approaching, the #RockMom sweatshirt would be a perfect gift for the lady that loves  you the most.

The post You’ll Want To Get Your Hands On These Duds From June Ambrose’s Ooh Snap! Collection appeared first on MadameNoire.

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